# Funny Pictures and stories....



## inspectorD

So......I'l; start with this one,
And Please try to keep em clean...this one may be close, but we are all adults here.

Those Olddogs....


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## oldognewtrick

Took me 10 minutes to find the dog.


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## ilikeblue

oh man, pictures like that make me think that there really is a god!


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## vette2020

what a beautiful, precious, soft, amazing and sweet looking _DOG_ that is


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## nealtw

I wonder what she charges for a nice ride.


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## rollingmurphy

nealtw said:


> I wonder what she charges for a nice ride.




oohhhh man, good one! =) I'm wondering the same thing!!


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## nealtw

I was talking about the cab driver.


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## Dionysia

When I was a schoolgirl, my best friend used to sing this song:

My husband's a carpenter, a carpenter, a carpenter
My husband's a carpenter is he
All day he bangs boards, he bangs boardsm he bangs boards
And at night he comes home and drinks tea

My husband's a plumber, a plumber, a plumber
My husband's a plumber is he
All day he screws pipes, he screws pipes, he screws pipes
And at night he comes home and drinks tea

My husband's a postman, a postman, a postman
My husband's a postman is he
All day he licks stamps, he licks stamps, he licks stamps
And at night he comes home and drinks tea


I think there were more verses, but that's all I remember. She thought the song was hilarious.


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## vette2020

I love this one


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## james1988

The dog one is absolutely hillarious. I couldnt stop laughing.


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## TxBuilder

In Russia dog drives you!


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## nealtw

Dayton, Ohio, 
August 7, 1865

To My Old Master, Colonel P.H. Anderson, Big Spring, Tennessee

Sir: I got your letter, and was glad to find that you had not forgotten Jourdon, and that you wanted me to come back and live with you again, promising to do better for me than anybody else can. I have often felt uneasy about you. I thought the Yankees would have hung you long before this, for harboring Rebs they found at your house. I suppose they never heard about your going to Colonel Martin's to kill the Union soldier that was left by his company in their stable. Although you shot at me twice before I left you, I did not want to hear of your being hurt, and am glad you are still living. It would do me good to go back to the dear old home again, and see Miss Mary and Miss Martha and Allen, Esther, Green, and Lee. Give my love to them all, and tell them I hope we will meet in the better world, if not in this. I would have gone back to see you all when I was working in the Nashville Hospital, but one of the neighbors told me that Henry intended to shoot me if he ever got a chance.

I want to know particularly what the good chance is you propose to give me. I am doing tolerably well here. I get twenty-five dollars a month, with victuals and clothing; have a comfortable home for Mandy,&#8212;the folks call her Mrs. Anderson,&#8212;and the children&#8212;Milly, Jane, and Grundy&#8212;go to school and are learning well. The teacher says Grundy has a head for a preacher. They go to Sunday school, and Mandy and me attend church regularly. We are kindly treated. Sometimes we overhear others saying, "Them colored people were slaves" down in Tennessee. The children feel hurt when they hear such remarks; but I tell them it was no disgrace in Tennessee to belong to Colonel Anderson. Many darkeys would have been proud, as I used to be, to call you master. Now if you will write and say what wages you will give me, I will be better able to decide whether it would be to my advantage to move back again.

As to my freedom, which you say I can have, there is nothing to be gained on that score, as I got my free papers in 1864 from the Provost-Marshal-General of the Department of Nashville. Mandy says she would be afraid to go back without some proof that you were disposed to treat us justly and kindly; and we have concluded to test your sincerity by asking you to send us our wages for the time we served you. This will make us forget and forgive old scores, and rely on your justice and friendship in the future. I served you faithfully for thirty-two years, and Mandy twenty years. At twenty-five dollars a month for me, and two dollars a week for Mandy, our earnings would amount to eleven thousand six hundred and eighty dollars. Add to this the interest for the time our wages have been kept back, and deduct what you paid for our clothing, and three doctor's visits to me, and pulling a tooth for Mandy, and the balance will show what we are in justice entitled to. Please send the money by Adams's Express, in care of V. Winters, Esq., Dayton, Ohio. If you fail to pay us for faithful labors in the past, we can have little faith in your promises in the future. We trust the good Maker has opened your eyes to the wrongs which you and your fathers have done to me and my fathers, in making us toil for you for generations without recompense. Here I draw my wages every Saturday night; but in Tennessee there was never any pay-day for the negroes any more than for the horses and cows. Surely there will be a day of reckoning for those who defraud the laborer of his hire.

In answering this letter, please state if there would be any safety for my Milly and Jane, who are now grown up, and both good-looking girls. You know how it was with poor Matilda and Catherine. I would rather stay here and starve&#8212;and die, if it come to that&#8212;than have my girls brought to shame by the violence and wickedness of their young masters. You will also please state if there has been any schools opened for the colored children in your neighborhood. The great desire of my life now is to give my children an education, and have them form virtuous habits.

Say howdy to George Carter, and thank him for taking the pistol from you when you were shooting at me.

From your old servant,

Jourdon Anderson.


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## JamesFC

Awesome! Lut it  haha


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## inspectorD

This guy was the best....


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## TxBuilder

inspectorD said:


> This guy was the best....



And yet everyone seemed to understand him. 


Beep boop.


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## oldognewtrick

1st known picture of InspectorD.


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## TxBuilder

oldog/newtrick said:


> 1st known picture of InspectorD.



It only works at first. 

FYI.


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## inspectorD

Yeah...I often wonder , what ever happened to that smart little man I once was...?


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## TxBuilder

He grew up and joined the circus.


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## oldognewtrick

TxBuilder said:


> He grew up and joined the circus.



The circus is headquarted in Litchfield, huh?


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## inspectorD

I thought this was the circus?? and we have a headquarters?...always the last to know.


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## oldognewtrick

inspectorD said:


> I thought this was the circus?? and we have a headquarters?...always the last to know.



You haven't been to the national headquarters??? Guess I spoke out of turn...sorry.


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## oldognewtrick

Hey Inspector...did the snow melt up yonder yet?


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## inspectorD

oldog/newtrick said:


> Hey Inspector...did the snow melt up yonder yet?



Yup...hangin around in T shirts up here.Nice weather.

And don't worry...I won't feel bad about the speakin out of turn. It's just, when I hear we have a National headquarters....well we might just be somebody., or, er something...someday.


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## oldognewtrick

You've been involved in build/designs before, I know.


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## TxBuilder

oldog/newtrick said:


> The circus is headquarted in Litchfield, huh?



Maybe he traveled?


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## NailBanger

what dog ?


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## NailBanger

what dog?  all i see is ...stars  from the slap i just got tx


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## nataliebrooks

I think that one has some photoshop on it..


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## bobbysee

inspectorD said:


> So......I'l; start with this one,
> And Please try to keep em clean...this one may be close, but we are all adults here.
> 
> Those Olddogs....



LOL This was awesome!


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## inspectorD

hey....I recognize that guy!!


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## nealtw

See everyone's friendly in Canada!


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## inspectorD

Subject: Government Investigates Rancher





The Department of Employment, Division of Labor Standards claimed a small rancher was not paying proper wages to his help and sent an agent out to investigate him. 

GOVT AGENT: I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them. 

RANCHER: Well, theres my hired hand whos been with me for 3 years. I pay him $200 a week plus free room and board. 
Then theres the mentally challenged guy. He works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of all the work around here. 
He makes about $10 per week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of bourbon every Saturday night so he can cope with life. 
He also sleeps with my wife occasionally. 

GOVT AGENT: Thats the guy I want to talk to - the mentally challenged one. 

RANCHER: That would be me.


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## Wuzzat?

Dionysia said:


> I think there were more verses, but that's all I remember. She thought the song was hilarious.


http://crydee.sai.msu.ru/public/lyrics/cs-uwp/folk/f/follow_the_band


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## Garenius

Quite a while ago, my son used to have these periodic nosebleeds, once every 3 months or so, and one time, he started bleeding heavily in school. However, he had no tissue and just his luck, there was none left at the bathroom. My daughter then, god bless her soul, decided to take out one of her erm...lady-tools, and stuck it up his nose to stop the bleeding. It worked I suppose, but my boy was never quite the same afterwards.


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## Garenius

Only in China folks


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## Kone

hahah, Interesting..!!!


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## CallMeVilla

Electricians at work in Asia  .....


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## TxBuilder

Garenius said:


> Only in China folks



That doesn't look to bad. 

They have a Shrimp chip in most Asian markets I like quite a bit.


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## nealtw

Electricians at work in Asia ..... 
Must be a union job, 4 guys leaning on a ladder while one guy works!!


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## Blue Jay

nealtw said:


> Electricians at work in Asia .....
> Must be a union job, 4 guys leaning on a ladder while one guy works!!



No that would be the government:banana:


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## nealtw

This wouldn't be funny but it's not real
http://www.examiner.com/article/eagle-grabs-baby-viral-video-gets-airborne-with-tot-it-s-grasp


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## Admin

That was a shame.


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## nealtw

http://www.youtube.com/watch?gl=CA&v=9dfWzp7rYR4


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## inspectorD

I'm sure this could fly for the new generation....[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WyfhzqhJNbg[/ame]

I mean ..what's next...the Dukes of Star wars?? look close...


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## Underdog

I drive around town a lot and see some fun signs once in a while.







Sometimes they offer free internet.


.


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## nealtw

I bet people are just diying to get that deal!


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## Underdog

This one made me laugh for a few miles after I saw it.
Not everybody understands the humor but if you think about it for a second...
It's a shame that tool has a negative conotation, I love my tools.


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## nealtw

We have a Heroes Hwy, and they let the tools drive on it too.


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## Underdog

So nice that there are those who care about us.


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## Underdog

Underdog said:


> So nice that there are those who care about us.


 


These are all mine, not posts I've found on the internet.


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## Admin

Underdog said:


> So nice that there are those who care about us.



I think at this point every knows it's bad. These weird packs are just shaming smokers into quitting and I don't understand why the government is taking that route.


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## Underdog

Austin said:


> I think at this point every knows it's bad. These weird packs are just shaming smokers into quitting and I don't understand why the government is taking that route.


 
Ha... that hadn't occurred to me. Humiliate people by talking down to them.
Since I've tried to quit drinking Coke, I don't judge anybody's (legal) habits.


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## Admin

I stopped Cokes. Was drinking more than a few a day, now I drink a couple a week while I'm eating out.


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## Underdog

Austin said:


> I stopped Cokes. Was drinking more than a few a day, now I drink a couple a week while I'm eating out.


 
Just knowing it's possible brings me hope.

Here's another I spotted out and about,
100% accurate in everything except spelling:


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## Admin

I got a flyer on my windshield for a psychic the other day. I sent then a message telepathically letting them know I would not be using their services.


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## oldognewtrick

If psychics were legit, wouldn't they know you were looking for one and come see you first? And maybe they don't offer spelling at psychic college...just sayin...


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## nealtw

A few years ago Jay Leno on the Tonight Show phoned one and asked why she was surprized that he called.


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## Admin

oldog/newtrick said:


> If psychics were legit, wouldn't they know you were looking for one and come see you first? And maybe they don't offer spelling at psychic college...just sayin...



I bet it's a correspondence course. 



nealtw said:


> A few years ago Jay Leno on the Tonight Show phoned one and asked why she was surprized that he called.



That's pretty funny. Carson took down Uri Geller. It was great.


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## nealtw

The future may not be a yellow brick road.


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## Underdog

nealtw said:


> The future may not be a yellow brick road.


 

I laughed, great juxtaposition.


It reminded me of this:


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## Admin

First Rule people, come on!


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## nealtw

.......................


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## inspectorD

So that's why they won't let me pass through Canada??


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## Admin

That's one of the reasons, yes.


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## nealtw

This one is even better.


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## Admin

I wish I could find that actual sign.


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## nealtw

Ya wanna see how sharp the edges are?


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## bud16415

This is only a mile or so from where I live, and might be one place a sign saying this sign has sharp edges would apply. This goes on for a mile or more. Click on links below to see it. 

 [ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jukw8fnmJfc[/ame]

[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dWYYCtVUjTc[/ame]


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## nealtw

Did the artist sign his work:banana:


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## Admin

nealtw said:


> Ya wanna see how sharp the edges are?



You got it. I'm not one to accept things as truth just because a sign told me so.


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## nealtw

So you are the guy that feeds the animals at the zoo


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## Admin

Only if there's a sign telling me I can.

I'm inquisitive, not a rebel.


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## oldognewtrick

Austin said:


> Only if there's a sign telling me I can.
> 
> I'm inquisitive, not a rebel.



Come on...we know better...


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## Fireguy5674

I find that most signs apply to everyone but me!


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## Admin

oldognewtrick said:


> Come on...we know better...



All right, maybe I'm just a rebel.


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## oldognewtrick

http://www.flixxy.com/michael-carbonaro-the-magic-clerk.htm#.UTwOkqWVdOQ


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## CallMeVilla

Scary electrical connections  ...  You will be horrified!

[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GGeOjASps7w[/ame]


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## nealtw

???????????????????//


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## Admin

oldognewtrick said:


> http://www.flixxy.com/michael-carbonaro-the-magic-clerk.htm#.UTwOkqWVdOQ



The chic was pretty great. That women's look was priceless.


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## nealtw

Villa's sparky must have been a squirrel, he found a good place to hide his nuts.


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## nealtw

[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4X9wUZJ6Nkc[/ame]


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## melfallen

Wow That video is crazy


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## Admin

Video was removed. What was it?


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## nealtw

http://metro.co.uk/2013/04/23/monstrous-whirlpool-in-latvia-swallows-everything-in-its-path-3663704/


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## Admin

Wow, that's the stuff of nightmares.


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## nealtw

A different look at Russia
http://www.thisiscolossal.com/2013/05/the-best-of-humanity-caught-on-russian-dash-cams/


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## oldognewtrick

nealtw said:
			
		

> A different look at Russia
> http://www.thisiscolossal.com/2013/05/the-best-of-humanity-caught-on-russian-dash-cams/



You sure don't find that much courtesy here in the states...


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## nealtw

oldognewtrick said:


> You sure don't find that much courtesy here in the states...


 I did stop one time to get a baby off the street, only to get hell from the mother because they own the street and her kid could play there if he wanted to.


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## Admin

nealtw said:


> I did stop one time to get a baby off the street, only to get hell from the mother because they own the street and her kid could play there if he wanted to.



It was a privately owned road?


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## nealtw

Austin said:


> It was a privately owned road?


 She thought it was


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## Admin

I would have set her straight then.


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## nealtw

Product placement?


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## WindowsonWashington




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## Admin

nealtw said:


> Product placement?



I hate having to go through that section. Am I not supposed to look at them? What about all the pics of women in bras? I worked very hard in my youth to get to that point and now I'm supposed to avert my gaze? 

I just don't know sometimes....


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## nealtw

Austin said:


> I hate having to go through that section. Am I not supposed to look at them? What about all the pics of women in bras? I worked very hard in my youth to get to that point and now I'm supposed to avert my gaze?
> 
> I just don't know sometimes....


 
From time to time we all get stuck in a place like that, and most men look a little uncomfortable. I think the sales ladies know that when they run over and offer help. So I feel fabric and ask if they have silly sizes and just dumb questions. They get uncomfortable pretty quick too.


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## oldognewtrick

Austin said:


> I hate having to go through that section. Am I not supposed to look at them? What about all the pics of women in bras? I worked very hard in my youth to get to that point and now I'm supposed to avert my gaze?
> 
> I just don't know sometimes....



Look all you want, you're only human...you just have to be careful about wearing them out in public.:banana:


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## inspectorD

oldognewtrick said:


> Look all you want, you're only human...you just have to be careful about wearing them out in public.:banana:



Wuuda ya mean ...wear? I thought this was the sling shot section??


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## oldognewtrick

inspectorD said:


> Wuuda ya mean ...wear? I thought this was the sling shot section??



As Ellie Mae Clampet said "Thems there double barrel slingshots paw"


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## Frank0

.......... 

View attachment 6a010536b86d36970c017d419ee923970c-580wi.jpg


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## nealtw

sounds a little fishy


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## Admin

nealtw said:


> From time to time we all get stuck in a place like that, and most men look a little uncomfortable. I think the sales ladies know that when they run over and offer help. So I feel fabric and ask if they have silly sizes and just dumb questions. They get uncomfortable pretty quick too.



I try to talk to them about anything but bras. Where they are going to school, where they are from originally (I'm in a college town).



oldognewtrick said:


> Look all you want, you're only human...you just have to be careful about wearing them out in public.:banana:



That's why I like my neighborhood. Very understanding neighbors.


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## nealtw

Austin said:


> I try to talk to them about anything but bras. Where they are going to school, where they are from originally (I'm in a college town).


  So you hit on the girls.:banana:


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## Admin

Yeah, more or less. 

My wife calls it flirting, but when you're wife is a 10 feet away changing clothes is it really flirting?


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## nealtw

maybe not funny but interesting       http://www.pawnation.com/2013/06/24/dog-finds-buries-dead-puppy/


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## Admin

That's amazing and sad.


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## nealtw

................................


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## oldognewtrick

nealtw said:


> ................................



Just about the same as the old...only different.


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## Admin

I would too. I love that place.


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## nealtw

You too can fly


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## nealtw

SEX AFTER DEATH  

A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other if there is sex after death.  
Their biggest fear was that there was no after life at all.  
After a long life together, the husband was the first to die.
True to his word, he made the first contact:  
"Marion .... Marion "  
"Is  that you, Bob?" 
"Yes, I've come back like we agreed."  
"That's wonderful!   What's it like?"  
"Well, I get up in the morning, I have sex.
I have breakfast and then it's off to the golf course. 
I have sex again, bathe in the warm sun and then have sex a couple of more times.  
Then I have lunch (you'd be proud - lots of greens).
Another romp around the golf course, then pretty much have sex the rest of the afternoon.  
After supper, it's back to golf course again.
Then it's more sex until late at night. 
I catch some much needed sleep and then the next day it starts all over again"  
"Oh, Bob are you in Heaven?"  
"No, not exactly &#8230;...


 I'm a rabbit in Saskatchewan."


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## nealtw

https://www.youtube.com/embed/tiAZ01dkcdc?feature=player_embedded


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## oldognewtrick

..........


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## inspectorD

Ya know... ladies...I lost my dog....could you help....:banana::banana::banana::banana:


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## nealtw

Really sweetheart, I never noticed the girls when I took the picture of Rover.


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## nealtw

I wonder what they put at the other end of the tunnel


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## oldognewtrick

https://www.youtube-nocookie.com/em...=1&vq=hd720&rel=0&showinfo=0&start=82&end=321


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## inspectorD

Sad state of mind right there... where the hell do they think it comes from??

I LOVE IT!!..:beer:


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## nealtw

That is priceless.:banana:


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## oldognewtrick

POLICE HARASSMENT

Recently, the Chula Vista, California Police Department ran an e-mail forum with the local community (a question and answer exchange) with the topic being, "Community Policing."  One of  the civilian e-mail participants posed the following question:

"I would like to know how it is possible for police officers to continually harass people and get away with it?"

From the "other side" (the law enforcement side) Sgt Bennett, obviously a cop with a sense of humor replied:

"First of all, let me tell you this...it's not easy.  In Chula Vista, we average one cop for every 600 people.  

Only about 60% of those cops are on general duty (or what you might refer to as "patrol") where we do most of our harassing. The rest are in non-harassing departments that do not allow them contact with the day to day innocents. 

At any given moment, only one-fifth of the 60% patrollers are on duty and available for harassing people while the rest are off duty. 

So roughly, one cop is responsible for harassing about 5,000 residents. When you toss in the commercial business, and tourist locations that attract people from other areas, sometimes you have a situation where a single cop is responsible for harassing 10,000 or more people a day.

Now, your average ten-hour shift runs 36,000 seconds long. This gives a cop one second to harass a person, and then only three-fourths of a second to eat a donut AND then find a new person to harass. 

This is not an easy task. To be honest, most cops are not up to this challenge day in and day out. It is just too tiring. 

What we do is utilize some tools to help us narrow down those people which we can realistically harass.

The tools available to us are as follow:

PHONE:  People will call us up and point out things that cause us to focus on a person for special harassment. 

"My neighbor is beating his wife" is a code phrase used often. This means we'll come out and give somebody some special harassment.

 Another popular one: "There's a guy breaking into a house." The harassment team is then put into action.

CARS:  We have special cops assigned to harass people who drive. They like to harass the drivers of fast cars, cars with no insurance or no driver's licenses and the like. 

It's lots of fun when you pick them out of traffic for nothing more obvious than running a red light.

Sometimes you get to really heap the harassment on when you find they have drugs in the car, they are drunk, or have an outstanding warrant on file.

RUNNERS:  Some people take off running just at the sight of a police officer. Nothing is quite as satisfying as running after them like a beagle on the scent of a bunny.  When you catch them you can harass them for hours to determine why they didn't want to talk to us.

STATUTES:  When we don't have PHONES or CARS and have nothing better to do, there are actually books that give us ideas for reasons to harass folks. They are called "Statutes"; Criminal Codes, Motor Vehicle Codes, etc...They all spell out all sorts of things for which you can really mess with people 

After you read the statute, you can just drive around for awhile until you find someone violating one of these listed offenses and harass them.

Just last week I saw a guy trying to steal a car. Well, there's this book we have that says that's not allowed. That meant I got permission to harass this guy. It's a really cool system that we've set up, and it works pretty well. 

We seem to have a never-ending supply of folks to harass. And we get away with it. Why? Because for the good citizens who pay the tab, we try to keep the streets safe for them, and they
pay us to "harass" some people.

Next time you are in my town, give me the old "single finger wave." That's another one of those codes. It means, "You can't harass me." It's one of our favorites.  

Hopefully sir, this has clarified to you a little bit better how we harass the good citizens of Chula Vista.


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## nealtw

[ame]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iH9meKHtP6M&index=3&list=PLk5HBCOIL1C0GWD-82OgbPqU8I2xjTWvl[/ame]


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## frodo

thats funny!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  cat ridding a rumba!!!!!!!


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## frodo

.....................


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## frodo

...........................


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## frodo

http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-p1nPyXGpi...00/Funny+Dog+Pictures+With+Captions+(103).jpg


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## frodo




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## frodo




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## nealtw

People are dying to play here.


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## slownsteady

Please enter your new password:

User:   cabbage
Windows:      Sorry your password must be more than 8 letters
User:         boiled cabbage
Windows:      Sorry your password must contain one numerical character
User:          1 boiled cabbage
Windows.       Sorry your password cannot have blank spaces
User:           50bloodyboiledcabbages
Windows :       Sorry your password must contain at least one upper case character
User:           50BLOODYboiledcabbages
Windows:     Sorry the password cannot use more than one consecutive upper case characters
User:          50BloodyBoiledCabbagesShovedUpYourAzzIfYouDontGiveMeAccessNow!
Windows:     Sorry the password cannot contain punctuation
User:          ReallyPissedOff50BoiledCabbagesShovedUpYourAzzIfYouDontGiveMeAccessNow
Windows:     Sorry, that password is already in use.


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## CallMeVilla

Here is a new shirt for your crew ...  Should come in handy ...


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## frodo

.............


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## nealtw

http://whitelines.com/videos/wltv/friday-find-naked-snowboarding-in-russia.html#XfvfrvL89oPJ33PM.97


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## bud16415

nealtw said:


> http://whitelines.com/videos/wltv/friday-find-naked-snowboarding-in-russia.html#XfvfrvL89oPJ33PM.97




 I would have liked to see that here the other day when it was -14F. 
  :beer:


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## bud16415

I&#8217;m not normally one to post funny pics but I found a photo of Neal and believe it or not he was around when they built CANADA. His job was taking the A&#8217;s up the ladder.


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## nealtw

Every job is perfect until you say it's done.


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## frodo

nealtw said:


> http://whitelines.com/videos/wltv/friday-find-naked-snowboarding-in-russia.html#XfvfrvL89oPJ33PM.97





outstanding!!!!!!!!!  but,  seems to be a slight language problem,  I did not see any ninnies,  any where!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:banana::rofl:


----------



## nealtw

The Russian's took out the record for most bikinis on the slope. Canada had it before them.


----------



## frodo

[ame="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q508d3k9518"]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q508d3k9518[/ame]


----------



## frodo

[ame="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=11yCd-Swxow"]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=11yCd-Swxow[/ame]


----------



## bud16415

nealtw said:


> The Russian's took out the record for most bikinis on the slope. Canada had it before them.




 What were all those guys doing without shirts then?


----------



## nealtw

&#1071; &#1085;&#1077; &#1079;&#1085;&#1072;&#1102;............

Idon'tknow...........


----------



## slownsteady

Frodo, i have nothing against guns or gun owners, but can't you just save that stuff for another forum? It is _so_ off-topic.


----------



## frodo

Mr.  Slownsteady

When I read your request,  My first thought was.  SURE,  Then, I went back and looked at all the posts in this forum, Called funny pictures and stories. I could not find 1 [one] story,  or funny that had anything to do with house repair. Everything is   "So Off Topic''      Russian skiers,  cat riding a rumba.  etc. etc.
  Why would I find anything else but that,  right ?    

  I can only assume you have a problem with  potato gun's   and/or the  youtube clip I posted.  I find it both funny and a cool story.  

 Out of respect,  I will refrain from posting any more links or pictures of  potato gun's.


----------



## frodo

nealtw said:


> &#1071; &#1085;&#1077; &#1079;&#1085;&#1072;&#1102;............





?????????????????,  damn,  that picture is supposed to move


----------



## slownsteady

Mr Frodo,

I apologize. This is exactly the place to post off-topic stuff. i have been a little cranky lately, I guess. I actually liked the potato gun video.


----------



## bud16415

Waste of damn good potatoes if you ask me. Show me one bumper sticker that says &#8220;God, Guts & Potato Guns made America Great.&#8221; If you can&#8217;t shoot a 10&#8221; pumpkin or a bowling ball out of your gun I say &#8220;Go Big or go home.&#8221; 

Now get off my lawn punks! I&#8217;m feeling cranky today also.


----------



## frodo

....................


----------



## havasu

...............


----------



## frodo

^^^............


----------



## frodo

.................


----------



## frodo

.....................


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## frodo

................


----------



## frodo

..................


----------



## frodo

caption this


----------



## frodo

...................


----------



## frodo

.....................


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## frodo

..........................


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## frodo

...................


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## frodo

.................


----------



## CallMeVilla

So the renters needed new "handles" for their shower ... Seems the handles had fallen off some time ago and they could not match them.  So, for the last several months they have been using pliers to turn the shower on and off.  Seems the hot side stopped turning off, so they needed it fixed ...  

You want to look closely at the stems on the valves for the "funny picture"


----------



## frodo

must be cold out,


----------



## frodo

typical country boy afternoon. 
we do not have sand down here.    only mud

[ame="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G74wCRTtjEU"]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G74wCRTtjEU[/ame]


----------



## nealtw

This test will keep that dreaded disease that effects your memory at bay!


New Senior's Exam, you only need 4 correct out of 10 questions to pass.

1) How long did the Hundred Years' War last?


2) Which country makes Panama hats?

3) From which animal do we get cat gut?

4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution?

5) What is a camel's hair brush made of?

6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal?

7) What was King George VI's first name?

8) What color is a purple finch?

9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from?

10) What is the color of the black box in a commercial airplane?

Remember, you need only 4 correct answers to pass.

Check your answers below ....

answers in a few days


----------



## nealtw

I'm only sending this to the brightest of my elderly friends
This test will keep that dreaded disease that effects your memory at bay!


New Senior's Exam, you only need 4 correct out of 10 questions to pass.

1) How long did the Hundred Years' War last?


2) Which country makes Panama hats?

3) From which animal do we get cat gut?

4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution?

5) What is a camel's hair brush made of?

6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal?

7) What was King George VI's first name?

8) What color is a purple finch?

9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from?

10) What is the color of the black box in a commercial airplane?

Remember, you need only 4 correct answers to pass.

Check your answers below ....


ANSWERS TO THE QUIZ
1) How long did the Hundred Years War last? 116 years


2) Which country makes Panama hats?Ecuador


3) From which animal do we get cat gut? Sheep and Horses


4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution?November


5) What is a camel's hair brush made of? Squirrel fur


6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal?Dogs


7) What was King George VI's first name?Albert


8 ) What color is a purple finch? Crimson


9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from? New Zealand


10) What is the color of the black box in a commercial airplane?
Orange (of course)


What do you mean, you failed?



Me, too!

(And if you try to tell me you passed, you LIED!)


----------



## oldognewtrick

Canary Islands are in the Atlantic off the African coast....


----------



## nealtw

So how many?


----------



## oldognewtrick

All of them?


----------



## nealtw

So one............


----------



## frodo

oldognewtrick said:


> Canary Islands are in the Atlantic off the African coast....




their you go, confusing everybody with the facts again

http://www.bing.com/maps/default.aspx?encType=1&where1=Canary%20Islands%2c%20Spain&cp=28.1000003814697~-15.3999996185303&qpvt=canary+islands+map&FORM=MIRE


----------



## elbo

frodo said:


> caption this



Now, I gotchya


----------



## frodo

elbo said:


> Now, I gotchya




hello old friend  !   you doing ok?


----------



## frodo

i'm a winner!

[ame="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XBEyCr5AoIs#t=84"]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XBEyCr5AoIs#t=84[/ame]


----------



## frodo

.................


----------



## elbo

hi frodo, thanks for remembering me. I'm just hanging around here, not posting too much


----------



## frodo

Mamaw worked at the drug store in Raleigh, MS. for many years. One time an ole boy came in and asked "Ms." Lavern, you got any pocket knives? And she showed him the knives in the store and he bought one. Then he walked around a little while and asked, "Ms. Lavern, you got any banjo strings". Mamaw said yes and showed him the strings and he bought some. The boy walked around the store a little more and asked, " Ms. Lavern, you got any of them condoms"? Mamaw asked him, "Son you need to make up your mind weather you want to widdle, fiddle or diddle! According to my Daddy, it's true story and I don't doubt it a bit. Smith County was a hell of a place back in the day.


----------



## frodo

..............


----------



## frodo

.......................


----------



## frodo

This is for the "rabbit"  and Fippy


----------



## frodo

canadian riot


----------



## frodo

he he he he...


----------



## frodo

MOOschell...........


----------



## zannej

frodo said:


> This is for the "rabbit"  and Fippy



LOL. We have to drive by Walmart to go to the V-E-T. Fippy sees Walmart and gets excited because I used to walk him around outside while my mother went inside to shop. He actually whimpered the when we drove by without stopping. He likes to watch out the window.

Spider chart: I actually like spiders-- just not brown recluses and black widows.
Not sure if this one has been posted here or not..


----------



## zannej

I saw this when I was on a road near a KFC


----------



## Chris

Funny story,

Last week one of my guys snapped an axle shaft in my dump truck on the highway 30 miles from home with a full load. Truck loaded probably weighs 30k+. I towed it 30 miles with a tow rope down the highway with my Ford F250 V10 super duty then came the hill climb to my house where I can dump the dirt. Once we hit the dirt road I lost traction so I went home and got my jeep which has a big V8 and 4wd, that made us another couple hundred feet up the road then we were stuck again. Went home and got my tractor. I pushed the truck with the tractor while the jeep and F250 pulled it to where we finally made it home while all my new neighbors were watching. That was embarrassing.


----------



## slownsteady

Welcome to the neighborhood!   Make sure you have a BBQ for all your neighbors soon.


----------



## zannej

I'll have to upload pictures sometime, but we hired some people do do some cement for our porch as well as around the workshop outside. The workshop was down in the barnyard and the area that needed cement was in the chicken yard part. 

The contractor told the truck driver to back the truck in slowly. The guy ignored him and plowed forward toward the pond and then realized there was a pond in front so he had to slam on his brakes. It had been raining a bit so the ground was soft. Weight shifted and slammed the front of his truck into the mud, breaking the steps. There was no way to get the truck backed up near where the concrete needed to be poured, so the contractor had his men set up a chute and some buckets and it took them much longer to do the work. Meanwhile, the cement company supervisor got on the horn and told my father that he was going to charge HIM extra money for the truck being stuck if he didn't find a way to get the truck out. At that point, my father had been trying to find a way and get some help but then he told the guy that it was his employee who screwed up so he could deal with it.

Two hours later a giant towtruck showed and moved in to the barnyard to try to tow the cement truck out. The ground was too soft so it basically just dug itself into a hole and got stuck. Another two hours later, a second towtruck showed up. It parked on a solid spot in the front yard, extended a chain and winch down to the first towtruck (which was still attached to the cement truck) and started pulling. Eventually the other trucks got unstuck, but the yard was a total muddy mess. The contractor told us not to worry about the cement company and that he'd take care of it. I'm pretty sure that truck driver got fired.

Despite the problems, the job turned out good.

Oh yeah, and then there's this:


----------



## frodo

..............


----------



## frodo

oldognewtrick said:


> View attachment 6444
> 
> 
> ..........



classic !!!!!!!!!!!!!!:beer:


----------



## frodo

.........................


----------



## frodo

..........................


----------



## frodo

......................


----------



## frodo

........................


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## frodo

....................


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## frodo

............................


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## frodo

..........................


----------



## inspectorD

Chris said:


> Funny story,
> 
> Last week one of my guys snapped an axle shaft in my dump truck on the highway 30 miles from home with a full load. Truck loaded probably weighs 30k+. I towed it 30 miles with a tow rope down the highway with my Ford F250 V10 super duty then came the hill climb to my house where I can dump the dirt. Once we hit the dirt road I lost traction so I went home and got my jeep which has a big V8 and 4wd, that made us another couple hundred feet up the road then we were stuck again. Went home and got my tractor. I pushed the truck with the tractor while the jeep and F250 pulled it to where we finally made it home while all my new neighbors were watching. That was embarrassing.



Shoot...around here thats called a day at the races...:beer:
Fun aint it..


----------



## Chris

We had a good time doing it.


----------



## frodo

inspectorD said:


> Shoot...around here thats called a day at the races...:beer:
> Fun aint it..








HIGH FOLKS!!!!!  I'm Your New neighbor!!!!


----------



## frodo

;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;


----------



## frodo

...................


----------



## zannej

Redneck timeout for some reason reminded me of when we were kids and my little brother pissed off the hog, Tiblet. He kept making some noise and kicking dirt in Tiblet's face. Finally Tiblet had enough. He walked over, grabbed my brother by the pantleg and yanked so he fell on the ground. Then he dragged him about 100 feet up to the trash pile (where we burned trash bc there was no trash pickup back then), dumped my brother in the trash pile, and walked away. My brother was screaming and squealing the whole time he was being dragged and I just stood there and laughed my *** off.


----------



## slownsteady

Where's Tiblet when you need him now?   :beer:


----------



## Chris

Breakfast, lunch and dinner ring a bell?


----------



## frodo

did tiblet taste good with eggs and biscuits?


----------



## zannej

I believe we sold him to be a breeding boar before we moved overseas. He was too old for his meat to be any good (at least that's what my father told me). He was a really nice piggy. I think he weighed about 500lbs and he loved to have his belly rubbed. He would come up to me and sniff my hand and then flop on his side for a belly rub. He liked to antagonize my dickhead horse. The horse had a bad temper and would chase other animals and bite them. He'd kick Tiblet and bite him, but Tiblet was a tough guy. When the piglets were born we'd been told that boars would kill the young so we put Tiblet in the chicken yard with the pond. He would walk up to the edge and stick his snout through the fence and nip the horse. The horse would try to reach through the fence but his muzzle was too big. He tried to reach over the fence, but it was too high for him to get his head down low enough to bite back. Tiblet would then prance back and forth along the fenceline mocking the horse. the horse would chase after him trying to figure out how to get back at him before having a total temper tantrum. He'd whinny and hop up and down and stop and I swear Tiblet was laughing at him. Then the piglets managed to get through the fence to see Tiblet. Turns out he wasn't murderous and he actually babysat them and got them to follow him all around while he showed them his favorite spots to rest and bathe.


----------



## frodo

hmmmm..deer meat and pork sausage....

never had a pig pet.  my sister said she had a pot belly miniture pig.   



till it grew up and was a regular pig...

I had a raccoon  when i was a kid. a cow ...dog and cats


----------



## frodo

grinning piooy


----------



## frodo

for all you Grand pa's ........


----------



## frodo

...............


----------



## frodo

.............................


----------



## zannej

My cat Predicate doing his Puss N Boots impression


----------



## frodo

zannej said:


> My cat Predicate doing his Puss N Boots impression




that looks like Dude!   whats he doing over out your place?   tell him to come home!!!   Bigfoot is looking for him


----------



## zannej

Heh. A friend's cat tried to come home with me the other day. He followed me to my car and jumped up on my lap in the car before I could close the door.

I think I've posted this before, but its my brother's story of how he dealt with a phishing scam.


> Today, I got a phone call that Caller ID identified as a 'Skype Call User'. I answered, and the quality of the line was very poor, the man had an obvious indian accent. He told me that he was calling on behalf of microsoft because programs on my computer had alerted him of an issue. And that every time there was a problem, even if I did not click yes to send it sent an alert so that they could help fix the problems. And that the problem was on my computer that while it was not critical yet, it would be critical soon. I asked him which computer, he told me with great emphasis 'It is YOUR computer'. I asked him again, which computer, noting there were multiple computers in the household, and he said 'YOUR computer. You answered the phone, it is your computer.' I again note that it's not my phone, it's the land line, and he insists again that it is my computer.
> 
> Sounds Legit, right?
> 
> So I say okay, I'll listen. He asks me if I'm sitting at my computer, I say yes. Then, he asks me to look on my keyboard for the windows key. I tell him that I don't have any keys on my computers that look like my windows. He explains that it is the Microsoft Windows key logo. I say 'oh, I'm using a mac.' There is a long pause and a heavy sigh, and I sense he's about to hang up, so I tell him 'I have a microsoft computer, though!' He says 'could you please go to that computer?' I chipperly tell him okay and then stand up, and walk in place for a little bit, making sure he can hear my footsteps over the phone. Then I sit back down at my computer, and resume playing Wartune on Facebook.
> 
> So then, he tells me to find the windows key. He explains that it is the Microsoft logo, I tell him I don't know where that is, so he specifically tells me that it is usually between the left cntrl and alt keys. And I respond 'Oh! The penis key!'. He tells me no, the windows key, and I say,but mine has a penis drawn on it. so he describes the windows log to me in detail, and I say 'Yeah, the penis key.' He sounds confused. and I say 'I guess they don't all look alike'. So he shrugs that off and tells me to hit that with R to open up the Run function. Well, I tell him that nothing happened. He asks me what I saw on my computer screen. I tell him 'Nothing. It's black'. He asks me if my monitor is on. I tell him no. Then, he asks me to turn it on. So I tell him okay (still playing on Wartune). He asks me what I see. I tell him 'It says no Signal.' He sighs, and then he asks me several questions about whether my computer has lights on it, if it is plugged in etc. I tell him no to all of the above, and essentially I make him walk me through plugging in and turning on my computer, and starting it up. So after all of that, he tells me to hit the Windows+r to open run. He tells me 'Enter M as in Martin S as in Sam' or something like that, and I stop him there and say 'I don't want to run MS! Multiple sclerosis is bad for my computer!' so he sighs, and explains that it stands for Microsoft, and that he wants me to put in MSConfig.
> 
> So I tell him I did, and he starts explaining to me how I need to go to services, and that some of the programs have stopped, and that means there is a problem, but he can help me fix it.That he will tell me what to do, that I can fix some of it myself, but that some of it I will not be able to fix. So that I will have to give him access to my computer so he can see my screen. At this point, I tell him 'Oh, thank you, but I've figured out how to fix it. I'll just hit the penis key until my computer cums.' At which point he finally just sighs and says 'Have a good day sir'.
> 
> To which I replied 'Okay, and started hitting a random key very loudly on my keyboard while yelling 'WHEEE!!!' before I hung up.


----------



## frodo

...................


----------



## zannej

frodo said:


> ...................



Awesome! I just shared that on Facebook and my brother and cousins enjoyed it.


----------



## Chris

Can anyone fix this? It's out of my dump truck.

View attachment ImageUploadedByHome Repair1424039925.595845.jpg


----------



## havasu

I believe that copper rod running through it was too strong for that pumpkin.


----------



## oldognewtrick

I think it needs a new gasket...;d


----------



## havasu

Is that what happens when you try to pop a wheelie in a dump truck?


----------



## frodo

pack it full of saw dust and pit it up for sale


----------



## Chris

Not a copper rod. A 1-1/4" solid steel rod.

Gaskets are definitely bad.

Yes he tried to do a wheelie. Turns out an international is not the best wheelie vehicle.

I would but I like having a dump truck.


----------



## nealtw

No broken gears? How"s the pinion gear? Do you know how to check parts for cracks?


----------



## Chris

Yes and everything is mostly fine except the studs that held the ring gear on.

First time I haven't seen bolts holding it on. More like large rivets. Ring gear has some slight damage to the inner part from spinning around.

Going to take it to my driveline guy and have him look it over.


----------



## nealtw

I would havew thought all the parts would have been left on the road.


----------



## frodo

http://screencast.com/t/YTwoQlBBDV

http://screencast.com/t/W9cI1JeT2z

http://screencast.com/t/JIt1zsdw3y

http://screencast.com/t/2Oim8Dt2mpL


----------



## zannej

A random pic






Interesting bidet


----------



## frodo

...............


----------



## havasu

frodo said:


> ...............



Shore wish I could read your mind!


----------



## nealtw

havasu said:


> Shore wish I could read your mind!



No you don't..............:beer:


----------



## frodo

Lol>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>


----------



## slownsteady

> Face Recognition in a Crowd.
> 
> This is the crowd before the riot in Vancouver. Put your cursor anywhere in the crowd and double-click a couple of times and then use the scroll button in the centre of your mouse.
> 
> You can zero in on one single face.  The clarity is unbelievable.
> 
> This is the photo taken by Port Moody photographer Ronnie Miranda that appeared in Tri-City News on 24-June.
> 
> This is actually scary.  You can see - perfectly - the faces of every single individual- and there were thousands!
> 
> Privacy?  Just think what the police and the military have at their disposal.


 

http://www.gigapixel.com/image/gigapan-canucks-g7.html

So Neal, which one is you??


----------



## nealtw

slownsteady said:


> http://www.gigapixel.com/image/gigapan-canucks-g7.html
> 
> So Neal, which one is you??



I had the best seat in the house, my couch.
:hide:


----------



## frodo

your nsa tax dollars at work


----------



## slownsteady

Here's something I recently edited...........
[ame]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k4W352--KAU[/ame]


----------



## zannej

One of the schools I went to had "Special Ed" that encompassed the "gifted" students as well as the mentally challenged ones. The "giftees" were put in a program called APPLE (I can't remember what the acronym was for). I don't remember what the other program was called. The teacher for APPLE was the sister of the teacher for the other students and somehow we used to go on field trips together.

On one field trip to the zoo, one of the APPLE kids (who was annoying pretty much everyone on the bus ride up there) decided to be a brat and start antagonizing the lion. He was yelling at it, throwing stuff, and generally being a jerk. The lion finally got fed up, walked up to the bars, lifted his leg and just hosed the kid.

One of the mentally challenged kids shouted at him that he was "a retard" and everyone laughed at the punk. His parents had to come pick him up because he couldn't get on the bus covered in lion pee.


----------



## zannej

Actual teacher's contract from 1923.





Man, those ice cream parlors must have been seedy places.


----------



## slownsteady

I started to doubt this, so i looked a bit further. There is a quote from Snopes somewhere further down in the attached thread.

http://forums.macresource.com/read.php?1,1832826,1832929


----------



## nealtw

Here is a real contract
http://www.ameshistory.org/contract.htm


----------



## zannej

Ah, looks like they couldn't confirm it but couldn't outright deny it either. But its likely not a legitimate document. It's possible that they had those rules though. At least some of them.

At least I got a chuckle out of the ice cream parlor bit.


----------



## nealtw

A lot of these teachers were fresh out of school themselves and the first time away from home so some rules like this may have been for their protection too. Although that sample just looks to simple, if it was a form contract, they could just buy and fill in the blanks there would have been info on who the printer was.


----------



## slownsteady

The second one seems quite legit. Sheldon (from Big Bang) would be satisfied with that. All in all, an interesting little side trip into a subject I had not considered before.


----------



## havasu

...........................


----------



## slownsteady

...they should stick out like a sore thumb :rofl:


----------



## zannej

LOL. Back in the 20s, single women even in their late 20s were expected to be obedient. It was actually legal for their mothers to paddle/spank them-- and even the courts were allowed to dish out corporal punishment for women. Flapper girls apparently got in a lot of trouble. 

It's interesting to see what the laws used to be and what the laws are now-- although in some places there still are some silly laws on the books.

I think there is still a law on the books in Louisiana (that is not enforced) that if a woman is driving, a man is supposed to walk in front of her vehicle waving a flag to warn oncoming traffic.


----------



## mmb617

zannej said:


> I think there is still a law on the books in Louisiana (that is not enforced) that if a woman is driving, a man is supposed to walk in front of her vehicle waving a flag to warn oncoming traffic.



Perhaps that's one that should be enforced.


----------



## slownsteady

I would not walk in front of my wife driving a car...perhaps run.


----------



## zannej

LOL. Back when I first started driving, I drove out to meet with an elderly friend who's car had gotten stuck in a ditch on my road. When I stopped and got out, he looked at me and said "If I'd known you were driving, I would have run away!" LOL.

That guy was great. He had so many hilarious stories of pranks he pulled and stuff. It was better to actually hear him tell them, but some of them translate OK into text. Like the time he and his friends had to kill an alligator that came after them when they were fishing. First they put the body with the mouth propped open next to the passed out town drunk-- putting the guy's arm almost inside the mouth-- and then threw pebbles at him to wake him up. Apparently the guy got to his feet without using his hands or arms. LOL. Then they put it in the back of their truck and went to a local carhop. When the waitress asked if they caught anything fishing, they told her to look in the back. She saw the gator and screamed. So they drove to every carhop in town to pull the same trick.

And then there was the time my friend was going door to door to collect insurance premiums from customers (because they didn't mail them in back then and he had to go get them). He had a co-worker who always wore crisp white pants. He stopped at one house and asked the guy to get out and go get the premium for him. So the guy walks to the door and knocks and then sees a little duck. He said "hello, little ducky" and the duck attacked him. Apparently he ran around the car a few times before managing to jump in. He had mud all over his pants from the duck's feet and bill. The guy said "You didn't that on purpose!" and my friend said "How would I know a duck was going to chase you?" (of course, he absolutely knew-- the people weren't even home and he did it on purpose).


----------



## zannej




----------



## oldognewtrick

This cracks me up.....


----------



## zannej




----------



## frodo

When I see this.....i get very mad!!!!!!!!!!!!!


----------



## frodo

..........................


----------



## frodo

..............................


----------



## frodo

............................


----------



## frodo

............someones new avatar


----------



## frodo

i like this one


----------



## zannej

The military things reminded me of something my father said about Vietnam. He worked with an interesting group of people. He would have to fly over places and gather intel. The pilot looked like he was 15 and people often underestimated him. One of his favorite gags was to wait until there were newbies and then he would approach after everyone else was already seated. He would look inside and say "There's no room for me back there. Oh well, I guess I'll fly this thing." and then he'd hop in to the pilot's seat. He also liked to do maneuvers that would make newbies hurl.


And then there's this:





and this


----------



## frodo

.......................


----------



## zannej

frodo said:


> .......................



LOL!

That reminded me of when my father was in the hospital emergency room after a heart attack (I know, that part isn't funny) and he called out to my brother in a weak voice "Son, come closer." My brother was concerned and was like "What is it dad?" and my father whispered "closer" and got him to lean in very close, and then he farted so loud that people in the waiting room could hear it. Then he just started laughing.

Btw, I saw something called The HobbitHouse Illustrated Glossary of Woodworking terms and it made me think of you and your username. 

Meanwhile, I saw my elderly cat attempting to play for the first time in years. She got into the bathtub and started swatting at a back scrubber and was sliding around in the tub. It looked so funny because she's very awkward and uncoordinated.


----------



## frodo

///////////////


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## frodo

...........................


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## frodo

.....................


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## frodo

this is a real place


----------



## frodo

......................


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## frodo

...................


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## frodo

....................


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## frodo

this makes me giggle


oh oh...gif aint working!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

http:// zVYfzT5.jpg


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## frodo

......................


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## frodo

...................


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## frodo

Zannej's new car...................

[ame="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i3RfwVyz50Q"]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i3RfwVyz50Q[/ame]


----------



## frodo

He ain't HAPPY!!!!!


----------



## nealtw

[ame]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qw9oX-kZ_9k[/ame]


----------



## frodo

look at his widdle wrinkled forehead....he's MAD!!!


----------



## zannej

frodo said:


> Zannej's new car...................
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i3RfwVyz50Q



ROTFL!!!
That would be hilarious! And if it could spray out water in more directions, maybe it could wash itself. People sometimes laugh when they see how much dirt is on my car. On particularly muddy road days, I'll park at the store and mud will just start dropping off with loud plop noises.

On a side note:


----------



## slownsteady

And now for something completely different


----------



## slownsteady

Proof That The World Is Nuts!

In Lebanon , men are legally allowed to have sex with animals, but the animals must be female. Having sexual relations with a male animal is punishable by death.

(Like THAT makes sense.)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

In Bahrain , a male doctor may legally examine a woman's genitals, but is prohibited from looking directly at them during the examination. He may only see their reflection in a mirror.

(Do they look different reversed?)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Muslims are banned from looking at the genitals of a corpse. This also applies to undertakers. The sex organs of the deceased must be covered with a brick or piece of wood at all times.

(A brick?)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The penalty for masturbation in Indonesiais decapitation. (Glad I don't live in Indonesia!)

(Much worse than 'going blind!')

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

There are men in Guam whose full-time job is to travel the countryside anddeflower young virgins, who pay them for the privilege of having sex for the first time.

Reason: Under Guam law, it is expressly forbidden for virgins to marry.

(Let's just think for a minute: Is there 
any job anywhere else in the world that even comes close to this?)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

In Hong Kong , a betrayed wife is legally allowed to kill her adulterous husband, but may only do so with her bare hands.

The husband's illicit lover, on the other hand, may be killed in any manner desired.

(Ah! Justice!)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Topless saleswomen are legal inLiverpool, England - but only in tropical fish stores.

(But of course!)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

In Cali, Colombia , a woman may only have sex with her husband, and the first time this happens, her mother must be in the room to witness the act.

(Makes one shudder at the thought.)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

In Santa Cruz, Bolivia , it is illegal for a man to have sex with a woman and her daughter at the same time.

(I presume this was a big enough problem that they had to pass this law?)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

In Maryland , it is illegal to sell condoms from vending machines with one exception: Condoms may be dispensed from a vending machine only in places where alcoholic beverages are sold for consumption on the premises.'

(Is this a great country or what?)

Well,.... not as great as Guam!

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.
(Who volunteers for these tests?)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The Ant can lift 50 times its own weight, can pull 30 times its own weight and always falls over on its right side when intoxicated.

(From drinking little bottles of ???)

(Did our Government pay for this research??)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Butterflies taste with their feet.

(Ah, geez.)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

An Ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.

(I know some people like that.)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Starfish don't have brains.

(I know some people like that, too.)

*~*~ *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

And, the best for last?

Turtles can breathe through their ***.

(And I thought I had bad breath in the morning!)

Thank you all for reading this.

If you need to reach me in the future, I will be
in Guam !!!!!!


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## frodo

Do you know where to get the cheapest meat?

deer nuts,  cause they are under a buck !!


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## zannej

I know its just a joke, but the one about Guam is not true. Guam is not a country, btw. It's a US Territory. I lived there for 5 years.

There used to be a tradition that a woman had to pop out two kids to prove she was fertile before a man would marry her, but things have changed-- although they do have kids fairly young over there. I was called an "old maid" because I didn't have 2 kids when I was 22. They start having kids around 16 or 17 and the grandparents take care of those kids while the parents just go about life (they generally live with the grandparents) until their kids have kids and then they take care of the grandkids while their kids work, party, etc. 

The natives in Guam are called Chamorro and they are related to people from Indonesia (the languages have some similarities).

Oh, and a fun fact: Guam was colonized by Spain in the 1500s. The locals say they were "colonialized". It was dubbed "The island of thieves" because the natives had no concept of ownership (and are still pretty loose with it today-- they "borrow to own") and they just walked on to the ships and started taking things. Anyway, when I was going to college there, they didn't teach Spanish at the local community college because they were still bitter about the "colonialization".

Some of the chamorros are known to be rather slow and are called Chamorons. So, here is a chamoron joke I was told while there:

A chamoron got a job painting the white stripe on a road. The first day he covered a lot of distance and made the stripe very long. The next day he painted only half as far. Then the next he painted only half of what he painted the second day. The supervisor pulled him aside to ask why his productivity was dropping off. The chamoron answered: "Because I kept getting farther away from the bucket".

Also, I saw an ad in a recent Heartland catalog selling a Dell laptop with 14" screen, 3.4GHz duo core processor, "massive 1Gb RAM" (cue my chuckling), 80Gb harddrive (more chuckling), 56k modem, and Windows Vista-- all for like $250 down from like $499... (I guffawed until I started coughing).

I'll have to take a picture of that one and upload it. I got a better system than that like 7 years ago.


----------



## oldognewtrick

I just replaced all the cat litter in the box with 47 packs of pop rocks...





...now we wait...


----------



## oldognewtrick

Statistics have proven that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than men who mention it...:help:


----------



## zannej

oldognewtrick said:


> Statistics have proven that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than men who mention it...:help:



LOL! :

Speaking of fat jokes, I don't have a problem making fun of myself for being overweight and one day when I was at the checkout at Sam's club, I informed a friend of mine that inside every fat woman there is a skinny woman trying to get out. Then I muttered in a small voice "help me! help me!" and then patted my belly and said "shut up in there!" and the cashier nearly dropped whatever he was scanning and doubled over laughing. The joke itself wasn't all that funny, but his reaction was priceless.
http://www.houserepairtalk.com//www.pinterest.com/pin/create/extension/


----------



## frodo

It is the spur of the moment,  jokes like the one you pulled that are funny.


This is more embarrassing than funny.  in 1989,  I walked into our local 7/11  to buy a cold beer,,,as i was paying for it.
I asked the lady when her baby was due.   just making conversation..
I got the stink eye,  and a curt "I am not pregnant"

well,  i felt about 2'' tall.  and could not get the hell out of their fast enough.
To this day,,,I do not care if your in labor, I will not say a damn thing about a women being pregnant


----------



## frodo

Happy April 1st.  everybody!!!!!!!!!!


----------



## zannej

A clerk at Sam's once thought I was pregnant and asked how far along I was. I thought it was funny and laughed it off. She was mortified for asking and being wrong, but I told her not to worry and that I wasn't offended.

Today is actually my sister's birthday.

My brother texted me that he wrecked the car as a joke. Didn't work bc I know he would have called instead.


----------



## frodo

friend who is into miniatures.  made me a mini me.


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## frodo

......................


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## frodo

...................


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## frodo

....................


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## frodo

................


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## frodo

.....................


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## slownsteady

lots of thrills & spills. Makes NASCAR look tame.
https://www.facebook.com/video.php?v=10152589482924952


----------



## nealtw

Great stuff you get the car I will drive.


----------



## slownsteady

I feel the same way. if someone buys the car, I will DRIVE it!


----------



## nealtw

I've don a little of that with out the race.


----------



## frodo

NICE video!!!!!!


----------



## slownsteady

One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut. After the cut, he asked about his bill, and the barber replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing community service this week.'

The florist was pleased and left the shop.
When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door.

Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing community service this week.' The cop was happy and left the shop.

The next morning when the barber went to open up, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen donuts waiting for him at his door.

Then a Congressman came in for a haircut, and when he went to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I can not accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week.' The Congressman was very happy and left the shop.

The next morning, when the barber went to open up, there  were a dozen Congressmen lined up waiting for a free haircut.

And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between the citizens of our country and the politicians who run it.


----------



## zannej

slownsteady said:


> One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut. After the cut, he asked about his bill, and the barber replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing community service this week.'
> 
> The florist was pleased and left the shop.
> When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door.
> 
> Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing community service this week.' The cop was happy and left the shop.
> 
> The next morning when the barber went to open up, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen donuts waiting for him at his door.
> 
> Then a Congressman came in for a haircut, and when he went to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I can not accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week.' The Congressman was very happy and left the shop.
> 
> The next morning, when the barber went to open up, there  were a dozen Congressmen lined up waiting for a free haircut.
> 
> And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between the citizens of our country and the politicians who run it.



LOL. More than likely, the congressmen would go to an extremely expensive barber and then bill it as some sort of work expense and get the taxpayers to pay it for them.


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## zannej




----------



## zannej

This reminds me of my cats when they want me to wake up:
[ame]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w0ffwDYo00Q[/ame]


----------



## frodo

he he he he...


----------



## frodo

........................


----------



## frodo

darwin award,  goes to this idiot

[ame="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y-TYvSsW4sY"]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y-TYvSsW4sY[/ame]


----------



## frodo

...................


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## frodo

...................


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## frodo

double post


----------



## frodo

At Breakfast this mourning


----------



## frodo

Recently, I was diagnosed with A.A.A.D.D.
Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder. 
This is how it manifests:
I decided to wash my car. As I start toward the garage, I notice that there is mail on the hall table. I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car. I lay my car keys down on the table, put the junk mail in the trashcan under the table, and notice that the trashcan is full.

So, I decide to put the bills back on the table and take out the trash first. But then I think, since I'm going to be near the mailbox when I take out the trash anyway, I may as well pay the bills first.

I take my checkbook off the table, and see that there is only one check left. My extra checks are in my desk in the study, so I go to my desk where I find the bottle of coke that I had been drinking.

I'm going to look for my checks, but first I need to push the coke aside so that I don't accidentally knock it over. I see that the coke is getting warm, and I decide I should put it in the refrigerator to keep it cold.

As I head toward the kitchen with the coke, a vase of flowers on the counter catches my eye--they need to be watered. I set the coke down on the counter, and I discover my reading glasses that I've been searching for all morning.

I decide I better put them back on my desk, but first I'm going to water the flowers. I set the glasses back down on the counter, fill a container with water and suddenly I spot the TV remote. Someone left it on the kitchen table. I realize that tonight when we go to watch TV, we will be looking for the remote, but nobody will remember that it's on the kitchen table, so I decide to put it back in the den where it belongs, but first I'll water the flowers.

I splash some water on the flowers, but most of it spills on the floor.
So, I set the remote back down on the table, get some towels and wipe up the spill.

Then I head down the hall trying to remember what I was planning to do.

At the end of the day: the car isn't washed, the bills aren't paid, there is a warm bottle of coke sitting on the counter, the flowers aren't watered, there is still only one check in my checkbook, I can't find the remote, I can't find my glasses, and I don't remember what I did with the car keys.

Then when I try to figure out why nothing got done today, I'm really baffled because I know I was busy all day long, and I'm really tired. I realize this is a serious problem, and I'll try to get some help for it, but first I'll check my e-mail.


----------



## nealtw

Funny you remember all that with such a bad memory


----------



## frodo

cool pictures

http://www.rsvlts.com/2015/03/31/perfect-timed-military-photos/


----------



## slownsteady

frodo said:


> cool pictures
> 
> http://www.rsvlts.com/2015/03/31/perfect-timed-military-photos/



real good stuff.:


----------



## nealtw

30 years ago I lived on a hill 1 mile off the runway of an airshow that the blue angils would come to, they did a flyby with one plane upside down just ft above the house and between the trees across the street. One year we were ready all standing in the back yard waving at him, to our surprize he saluted us.


----------



## zannej

Frodo, that sounds about like how my days go. I go to do something and something else distracts me and then I forget. LOL.

Man, those military photos are awesome! The one of the guy dumping water on the person below reminds me of some photos that I need to find again... In Thailand there is a particular day where dumping water on people is considered good luck. If you dump water on them it is a blessing to them. And back during the vietnam war, they dumped a huge bucket of water on a guy and knocked him down. He got up and thanked them afterward.


----------



## frodo

zannej said:


> Frodo, that sounds about like how my days go. I go to do something and something else distracts me and then I forget. LOL.
> 
> Man, those military photos are awesome! The one of the guy dumping water on the person below reminds me of some photos that I need to find again... In Thailand there is a particular day where dumping water on people is considered good luck. If you dump water on them it is a blessing to them. And back during the vietnam war, they dumped a huge bucket of water on a guy and knocked him down. He got up and thanked them afterward.



i know the feeling,  when we arrived in the philippine islands . the door of the plane opened.  i was immediately drenched in sweat,  my clothes stuck to my body.   they stayed stuck till we left,  2 years later


----------



## frodo

who dat ??


----------



## frodo

clinton rally


----------



## frodo

funny stuff


----------



## nealtw

frodo said:


> funny stuff



Na.......... that's a good discription of welfare day

Stimulas is when you build a bridge.

hire the engineers and planners
fire up the gravel pit
hire the pile driver
order the piles
fire up the concrete batch plant
order the rebar
hire capenters, and iron workers, crane operators, truck drivers, operators for a multitude of equipment
fire up the black top patch plant

new stores open in town. Walmart, Macdonolds, HD because the locals charge to much.
Need more housing for all the people moving to town
Shortage of workers, everyone gets a raise.
Less people on welfare.
Anybodies guess, how much is taxed allong the way, lowering the actual cost.


----------



## bud16415

nealtw said:


> Na.......... that's a good discription of welfare day
> 
> Stimulas is when you build a bridge.
> 
> hire the engineers and planners
> fire up the gravel pit
> hire the pile driver
> order the piles
> fire up the concrete batch plant
> order the rebar
> hire capenters, and iron workers, crane operators, truck drivers, operators for a multitude of equipment
> fire up the black top patch plant
> 
> new stores open in town. Walmart, Macdonolds, HD because the locals charge to much.
> Need more housing for all the people moving to town
> Shortage of workers, everyone gets a raise.
> Less people on welfare.
> Anybodies guess, how much is taxed allong the way, lowering the actual cost.


 





Cont:

  Everybody gets excited as the bridge nears completion and the big day is planned the high school band comes out the mayor and council men are there along with the representatives and even the governor and a senator. Everyone is excited and patting each other on the back at the boon the bridge caused the small town to have. Sure it went over budget 250% but this was a shovel ready project and when the Stimulus needed one and so what if the printing presses had to run a few more days to make the extra money, look at all the good it did. Well the speeches get made and the ribbon gets cut and miles and miles of cars cross the bridge for the first time. They all get to the other side and there they are in the new town of Nowhere. 

  Here is the plans of a small scale bridge Im planning to build


----------



## nealtw

There are a few dogs around here providing shocel ready jobs, thanks
Big money will just sit on the side lines until they can see a reason for investing, so first you need an economy.


----------



## zannej

My brother (who is now employed) was the only person available and had to man the cashier (even though he is supposed to work in the stock room) and an old lady came up with about $10 in coins. She was hoping it would cover all of her stuff and she apologized for the inconvenience. My brother said it was no problem and was counting up her money. Meanwhile, the guy in line behind her was huffing and puffing and getting all pissed off. The old gray-haired lady then said "Well f******* him. He can wait!" My brother just smiled and completed the transaction. He was rather amused by the old lady talking like that.

Another thing he told me was that once when he was working at Walmart, a little boy walked up and was trying to ask him something but was mumbling too quietly. My brother leaned down and asked "What was that?" and then the kid's mother very loudly came over and yelled "You heard him, boy! Speak up! Talk like ya got some sense!!"


----------



## havasu

Don't mess with the old folks!


----------



## zannej

I still remember an episode of something like Cops where there was an old lady who was being arrested. She's sitting in the back and yelling at the cop. She starts to swear at him and call him names. The guy just smiles and starts to giggle. She's all "You think you're cute?" and he says "My wife thinks I'm cute" and she just starts swearing even more. The more she swore at him, the harder he laughed. He just found it hilarious instead of being offended.

Here's another story from my brother's work days. He was supposed to "zone" the toy section (which means making sure everything is in the right place and lined up nicely and pulled to the front so its all even and pretty). It was a constant battle because children liked to play with things. One day a kid was walking through with a bat and just smacking things off the shelves. The mother told him to stop it, but didn't enforce it so the kid just kept doing it. My brother walked over and said "you shouldn't do that." The kid ignored him. So my brother said "You really shouldn't do that, you could break your hyoid bone." The kid looked at him, said "Ok" and then stopped. The mother thanked him and they walked away. One of the co-workers overheard and was like "how could he break his-- waht bone?" My brother said "Hyoid bone-- the bone in the throat that breaks when someone is strangled".


----------



## frodo

zannej said:


> My brother (who is now employed) was the only person available and had to man the cashier (even though he is supposed to work in the stock room) and an old lady came up with about $10 in coins. She was hoping it would cover all of her stuff and she apologized for the inconvenience. My brother said it was no problem and was counting up her money. Meanwhile, the guy in line behind her was huffing and puffing and getting all pissed off. The old gray-haired lady then said "Well f******* him. He can wait!" My brother just smiled and completed the transaction. He was rather amused by the old lady talking like that.
> 
> "




the first few times I heard it,  I was amused also.   but, around here

in walmart,  all you hear is MF, S GD,, AH  etc etc..

some of these old ......people... can not say a sentence with out saying MF

and I'm talking from the associates!!!!!!!

the customers are REALLY  BAD!!!!


----------



## zannej

LOL. Once when we were in a different Walmart, we were in line to get some food at one of the little places in there. A Walmart employee cut in line and then decided to check out all of her stuff there (she had over 50 items). She got into an argument with the clerk and they just started screaming and swearing at each other. Don't know how it ended because we just left.

Here's a blonde joke.


----------



## frodo

A blonde got into a car wreck and was rushed to the hospital.
in the ER, the EMT told the hospital staff she refused to let the tech remove her walkman.  so they left it on her.
she was wheeled into the operating room..after she passed out.
the surgeon, demanded the ear buds be removed,  siting health and safety reasons
as soon as the ear buds were removed the blonde girl coded and died.  puzzled,  the surgeon picked up the ear buds and listened

breath in....breath out....breath in.....breath out


----------



## zannej

LOL! I'd heard that as the blonde going for a haircut and the stylist accidentally cut the cords to the earbuds so the blonde died.


----------



## slownsteady

Well, as long as we're on the topic:

*A Blonde is watching the news with her husband when the Newscaster says: "Two Brazilian men die in a skydiving accident."
 The blonde starts crying to her husband, sobbing, "That's horrible!!! So many men dying that way!"
 Confused, he says, "Yes dear, it is sad, but they were Skydiving, and there is always that risk involved."
 After a few minutes, the blonde, still sobbing, says;  "How many is a Brazilian"?*


----------



## frodo

There was a blonde who was sitting next to a lawyer on an airplane. The lawyer was naturally bored, so he kept bugging the blonde to play a game of intelligence with him. 

The blonde was reluctant, so the lawyer offered her 10 to 1 odds. He told her that every time she could not answer his question, she owed him $5, but every time he could not answer hers, he'd give her $50. The lawyer figured the blonde was so dumb, he could not lose, and the blonde thought for a few minutes and reluctantly accepted to play his game. 

The lawyer fires his first question "What is the distance between the Earth and the nearest star?" 

Without saying a word the blonde handed him $5. The blonde then asked the lawyer "What goes up a hill with 3 legs and comes back down the hill with 4 legs?" 

The lawyer's face looked extremely puzzled. He spent several hours, looking up everything he could on his laptop and even placing numerous air-to-ground phone calls trying to figure out the answer. Finally, the angry and frustrated lawyer handed the blonde $50.00. 

The blonde put the $50 into her purse quickly without saying a word. The lawyer was outraged at this point and asked, "Well, what is answer?" 

The blonde glanced at him with a smirk on her face and handed him a $5 bill.


----------



## nealtw

[ame]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AiMr3WyuNn0[/ame]


----------



## frodo

......................


----------



## frodo

my ex .............


----------



## frodo

.........................


----------



## frodo

........................


----------



## frodo

was out and about today...saw this shed....so i snappped a picture

I wish i had a walk in freezer...that old barn wood would make some beautiful furniture.


----------



## zannej

That looks like some of the houses in my neighborhood and in the town...


----------



## elbo

heck, that's my new house. you're welcome to visit anytime.Bring some 'shine and andro


----------



## frodo

there are lots of old barns around here...that one caught my attention,  i saw a dog run out of it....whats he up to?


----------



## frodo

check this slo-mo out.
1000 frames per second.   the shock wave on the syrup,is most impressive

http://www.chonday.com/Videos/sowmoghy2


----------



## havasu

Those pits into the syrup bottle made me think the bullet had ricocheted from the concrete block. I liked the peanut butter and jelly myself.


----------



## frodo

need some biscuits ......notice the shooter has the limp wrist,  case boinks him in the head LOL


----------



## zannej

this was my mood this morning when people were in my yard





Recently, blogger Sroger&#8217;s aunt passed away. Shortly after she passed, CitiBank billed her credit card for the February and March monthly service charge. They then continued to add late fees and interest, leaving the balance around $60.00
The following exchange took place between Srogers and CitiBank:
Srogers: &#8220;I am calling to tell you that she died in January.&#8221;
CitiBank: &#8220;The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply.&#8221;
Srogers: &#8220;Maybe, you should turn it over to collections&#8230;&#8221;
CitiBank: &#8220;Since it is 2 months past due, it already has been.&#8221;
Srogers: &#8220;So, what will they do when they find out she is dead?&#8221;
CitiBank: &#8220;Either report her account to the frauds division, or report her to the credit bureau&#8230;maybe both!&#8221;
Srogers: &#8220;Do you think God will be mad at her?&#8221;
CitiBank: &#8220;&#8230;excuse me &#8230;..?&#8221;
Srogers: &#8220;Did you just get what I was telling you&#8230;. the part about her being dead?&#8221;
CitiBank: &#8220;Sir, you&#8217;ll have to speak to my supervisor!&#8221;
(Supervisor gets on the phone)
Srogers: &#8221;I&#8217;m calling to tell you, she died in January.&#8221;
CitiBank: &#8220;The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply.&#8221;
Srogers: &#8220;You mean you want to collect from her estate?&#8221;
CitiBank: &#8220;&#8230;..(stammer)&#8221; &#8230;. &#8220;Are you her lawyer?&#8221;
Srogers: &#8220;No, I&#8217;m her great nephew.&#8221; (Lawyer info given&#8230; )
CitiBank: &#8220;Could you fax us a certificate of death?&#8221;
Srogers: &#8220;Sure.&#8221; ( Fax number is given )
( After they get the fax. )
CitiBank: &#8220;Our system just isn&#8217;t setup for death&#8230;&#8221;
Srogers: &#8220;Oh&#8230;&#8221;
CitiBank: &#8220;I don&#8217;t know what more I can do to help&#8230;&#8221;
Srogers: &#8220;Well&#8230; if you figure it out, great! If not, you could just keep billing her&#8230;I suppose&#8230;don&#8217;t really think she will care&#8230;.&#8221;
CitiBank: &#8220;Well&#8230;the late fees and charges do still apply.&#8221;
Srogers: &#8220;&#8216;Would you like her new billing address?&#8221;
CitiBank: &#8220;That might help.&#8221;
Srogers: &#8221; (Odessa Memorial Cemetery #### Hwy 129 and plot number given.)
CitiBank: &#8220;Sir, that&#8217;s a cemetery!&#8221;


----------



## frodo

you laugh,   my mom passed Christmas before last.  

as we were settling her estate.  my sister called the alarm co.  to have the service discontinued.

they refused to turn it off, [stop billing] inless the one who's name it was in, turned it off.

so we basically said, do what you want,  you will not be paid.

after the house was sold,  my sister gets a call around 1 am...an alarm is going off

she tells them,  we do not have service, house is vacant..etc

they call back 2 hours later.  same thing.  told do not call anymore

they called back 2 hours later.  and got cussed out like they were dogs,  lol...


----------



## frodo

...............


----------



## nealtw

. 







THE BACK PEW--A pastor's wife was expecting a baby, so he stood
before the congregation and asked for a raise. After much
discussion, they passed a rule that whenever the pastor's family
expanded; so would his paycheck.

After 6 children, this started to get expensive and the
congregation decided to hold another meeting to discuss the pastor's
expanding salary.

A great deal of yelling and inner bickering ensued, as to how much
the pastor's additional children were costing the church, and how
much more it could potentially cost. 

After listening to them for about an hour, the pastor rose from his 
chair and spoke, "Children are a gift from God, and we will take
as many gifts as He gives us." 

Silence fell over the congregation. In the back pew, a little
old lady struggled to stand, and finally said in her frail voice,
"Rain is also a gift from God, but when we get too much of it, we
wear rubbers." The entire congregation said, "Amen."

Gotta love those senior citizens !


----------



## zannej




----------



## frodo

................


----------



## frodo

.......................


----------



## frodo

https://www.youtube.com/watch?t=41&v=QKCVS57j284


----------



## frodo

[ame="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rbufA_WgIvE"]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rbufA_WgIvE[/ame]


----------



## slownsteady

Amazing. Not a one of them looks prickly, though.


----------



## frodo

slownsteady said:


> Amazing. Not a one of them looks prickly, though.



prickly?    LOL,  ok,  i give...wth is prickly?


----------



## slownsteady

...as in cactus.


----------



## zannej




----------



## slownsteady

zannej said:


>



I'll take a dozen at that price.


----------



## frodo

oldognewtrick said:


> Just about the same as the old...only different.




same thing Elvis said about his child bride

"I treat her like a sister, only different"


----------



## zannej

There's a crude joke about Alabama in there somewhere....


----------



## nealtw

We used to make jokes like that until my niece met my cousin's boy at the reunion.    oops


----------



## frodo

Advice


A boy was sitting on a park bench with his bag of candy bars.

After about 6 bars the elderly man sitting next him said, "You shouldn't eat so

much candy, it will make you fat and rot your teeth".

The boy answers, "My grandpa lived to 105."

Did he eat that much candy?

No, but he minded his own business.


----------



## frodo

Good investment !!




Wife's Financial Investments:

The lawyer says to the wealthy art collector tycoon: "I have some good news,and I have some bad news..."The tycoon replies: "I've had an awful day, let's hear the good news first?" 
The lawyer says: "Well, your wife invested $5.ooo in two pictures this week that she figures 
are worth a minimum of $20 to $30 million." The tycoon replies enthusiastically: "Well
done...very good news indeed! You've just made my day; now what's the bad news?" 
The lawyer answers: "The pictures are of you with your secretary."


----------



## frodo

5 year old's honesty....


A mother took her five-year-old son with her to the bank on a busy lunchtime.
They got behind a very fat woman wearing a business suit complete with pager.

As they waited patiently, the little boy said loudly, 'Gee, she's fat!' 
The mother bent down and whispered in the little boy's ear to be quiet.

A couple of minutes passed by and the little boy spread his hands as far as they would go and announced; 'I'll bet her butt is this wide!'

The fat woman turns around and glares at the little boy. The mother gave him a good telling off, and told him to be quiet.

After a brief lull, the large woman reached the front of the line. 
Just then, her pager began to emit a beep, beep, beep.

The little boy yells out, 'Run for your life, she's backing up!!


----------



## frodo

A old farmer from Iowa got pulled over by a New York state trooper for speeding, and the trooper started to lecture the old backcountry farmer about his speed, and in general began to throw his weight around to try to make the quiet old man uncomfortable. Finally, the trooper got around to writing out the ticket, and as he was doing so he kept swatting at some flies that were buzzing around his head. 

The farmer said, "Having some problems with circle flies there, are ya?" 

The trooper stopped writing the ticket and said, "Well yeah, if that's what they are -- I never heard of circle flies".

So the farmer said, "Well, circle flies are common on farms. See, they're called circle flies because they're almost always found circling around the back end of a horse." 

The trooper said, "Oh," and went back to writing the ticket. Then, after a minute he stopped and said, "Hey... wait a minute, are you trying to call me a horse's a$$?"

The farmer said, "Oh no, officer. I got too much respect for the law and police officers to even think about calling you a horse's a$$."

The trooper said, "Well, that's a good thing," and went back to writing the ticket.

After a long pause, the farmer said, "Hard to fool them flies though."


----------



## frodo

HOW TO TELL THE SEX OF A FLY.....

A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter. 

What are you doing?" She asked.
"Hunting Flies" He responded.
"Oh. Killing any?" She asked.
"Yep, 3 males, 2 Females," he replied. Intrigued, she asked. "How can you tell?"
He responded, "3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone."


----------



## frodo

more old buildings


----------



## oldognewtrick

frodo said:


> more old buildings



Bet there's a lot of stories at those old places...


----------



## inspectorD

oldognewtrick said:


> Bet there's a lot of stories at those old places...



A few about a dog..


----------



## slownsteady

One for Neal, one for Bud, two for Frodo, and one for all the guys.....


Oh yeah, and one for Oldog...


----------



## zannej




----------



## frodo

......................


----------



## zannej

LOL. At least there is some space between that kid and the crack.
This one was not so lucky (had to edit bc the url was censored bc of a word)


----------



## slownsteady

looks like that kid needs a pin........


----------



## nealtw

slownsteady said:


> looks like that kid needs a pin........



don't let the air out.


----------



## frodo

zannej said:


> LOL. At least there is some space between that kid and the crack.
> This one was not so lucky (had to edit bc the url was censored bc of a word)



That just aint right!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


how come i cant paste anything on here?

why do i have to save to file the upload instead of just copy paste?


----------



## zannej

frodo said:


> That just aint right!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
> 
> 
> how come i cant paste anything on here?
> 
> why do i have to save to file the upload instead of just copy paste?



You mean it makes you have to upload it as an attachment? Have you tried just pasting the image's url in to the image tags? [img ] [/ img] (without the spaces). If it links directly to a google search image sometimes it won't post properly. 

If the image is on the internet you can right click "copy image url" or some similar verbiage depending on your browser and then paste it between the img tags. Its simpler than the old days when you had to do the < a href="http://www.urlofimagehere/image.jpg" alt="image"> type thing. (I used to code webpages manually in notepad back before all the fancy javascript, css, php, and other stuff). Anyway, its possible that if you are copying the link it might be picking up extra code or might be a non-linkable source, or maybe its not the direct image code.


----------



## frodo

.

adapt/ overcome. HOORAH!!!!


----------



## frodo

[ame="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rCbPqi3virQ"]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rCbPqi3virQ[/ame]

...............


----------



## CallMeVilla

Where architects fail,   carpenters overcome ....


----------



## CallMeVilla

And remember, safety first !


----------



## frodo

CallMeVilla said:


> And remember, safety first !




i would send him home,  tell him 2 choices

find a special hard hat or get a hair cut

and do it by 7 am tomorrow or SEE YA !!!!


----------



## frodo

.....................


----------



## zannej




----------



## slownsteady

From now on, I sleep with my head *under* the pillow


----------



## zannej

slownsteady said:


> From now on, I sleep with my head *under* the pillow



LOL. Afraid your cat will try to bring you a midnight snack?


----------



## mmb617

My wife saw one of our cats acting suspiciously around her slippers so she went to investigate. Turns out he was stashing a dead mouse in there. It would have been real interesting if she hadn't seen him and had put the slippers on.


----------



## zannej

My cats just like to shove their heads into my slippers and smelly shoes (had the same pair of shoes for 14 years) and rub their faces. I've thankfully never found a mouse in my shoes or slippers, but I have found hairballs (because one of my fluffy cats coughs them up a lot and the one-eyed cat thinks they are toys once they are dry and she likes to throw them around).

I just remembered how my dog tries to hide his dog biscuits sometimes. He's been known to put them in shoes-- but we always know when he's doing it because he runs around whimpering loudly. He likes to hide cat toys too.


----------



## nealtw

My son in law brought home a siamese for the kids and when it was discovoured that it wasn't compatible with people nevermind kids my daughter brought over to me. It took about six weeks for the cat to figure out that it would be a lot less painfull to be friendly and cuddly. When my daughter came for a visit, the cat wouldn't go near her but went over to the door where her shoes were and filled one with puke.


----------



## slownsteady

Ahhh, cats. Gotta love'em. 

But I'm not sure why.


----------



## zannej

Someone took a shortcut and their trip was cut short.


----------



## frodo

Just Another Old Codger...


It happened every Friday evening, almost without fail, when the sun resembled a giant orange and was starting to dip into the blue ocean.

Old Ed came strolling along the beach to his favorite pier. Clutched in his bony hand was a bucket of shrimp. Ed walks out to the end of the pier, where it seems he almost has the world to himself. The glow of the sun is a golden bronze now.

Everybody's gone, except for a few joggers on the beach. Standing out on the end of the pier, Ed is alone with his thoughts...and his bucket of shrimp.

Before long, however, he is no longer alone. Up in the sky a thousand white dots come screeching and squawking, winging their way toward that lanky frame standing there on the end of the pier.

Before long, dozens of seagulls have enveloped him, their wings fluttering and flapping wildly. Ed stands there tossing shrimp to the hungry birds. As he does, if you listen closely, you can hear him say with a smile, 'Thank you. Thank you.'

In a few short minutes the bucket is empty. But Ed doesn't leave.

He stands there lost in thought, as though transported to another time and place.

When he finally turns around and begins to walk back toward the beach, a few of the birds hop along the pier with him until he gets to the stairs, and then they, too, fly away. And old Ed quietly makes his way down to the end of the beach and on home.

If you were sitting there on the pier with your fishing line in the water, Ed might seem like 'a funny old duck,' as my dad used to say. Or, to onlookers, he's just another old codger, lost in his own weird world, feeding the seagulls with a bucket full of shrimp.

To the onlooker, rituals can look either very strange or very empty. They can seem altogether unimportant ... maybe even a lot of nonsense.

Old folks often do strange things, at least in the eyes of Boomers and Busters.

Most of them would probably write Old Ed off, down there in Florida. That's too bad. They'd do well to know him better.

His full name: Eddie Rickenbacker . He was a famous hero in World War I, and then he was in WWII. On one of his flying missions across the Pacific, he and his seven-member crew went down. Miraculously, all of the men survived, crawled out of their plane, and climbed into a life raft.

Captain Rickenbacker and his crew floated for days on the rough waters of the Pacific. They fought the sun. They fought sharks. Most of all, they fought hunger and thirst. By the eighth day their rations ran out. No food. No water. They were hundreds of miles from land and no one knew where they were or even if they were alive. Every day across America millions wondered and prayed that Eddie Rickenbacker might somehow be found alive.

The men adrift needed a miracle. That afternoon they had a simple devotional service and prayed for a miracle. They tried to nap. Eddie leaned back and pulled his military cap over his nose. Time dragged on. All he could hear was the slap of the waves against the raft... 
Suddenly, Eddie felt something land on the top of his cap.

It was a seagull!

Old Ed would later describe how he sat perfectly still, planning his next move. With a flash of his hand and a squawk from the gull, he managed to grab it and wring its neck. He tore the feathers off, and he and his starving crew made a meal of it - a very slight meal for eight men. Then they used the intestines for bait. With it, they caught fish, which gave them food and more bait . . . and the cycle continued. With that simple survival technique, they were able to endure the rigors of the sea until they were found and rescued after 24 days at sea.

Eddie Rickenbacker lived many years beyond that ordeal, but he never forgot the sacrifice of that first life-saving seagull... And he never stopped saying, 'Thank you.' That's why almost every Friday night he would walk to the end of the pier with a bucket full of shrimp and a heart full of gratitude. ReferenceMax Lucado, "In The Eye of the Storm", pp..221, 225-226)


PS: Eddie Rickenbacker was the founder of Eastern Airlines. Before WWI he was race car driver. In WWI he was a pilot and became America 's first ace. In WWII he was an instructor and military adviser, and he flew missions with the combat pilots. Eddie Rickenbacker is a true American hero. And now you know another story about the trials and sacrifices that brave men have endured for your freedom.

It is a great story that many don't know...You've got to be careful with old guys, You just never know what they have done during their lifetime.


----------



## elbo

I had the privilege of knowing , and working for the captain at eastern air lines. He was as tough an old bird as the one he caught, but a great boss. It's a darn shame what those that took over the airline did to it


----------



## zannej

My mom is afraid of seagulls. She was walking with some of her friends and some seagulls flew over. One friend looked up and one of the seagulls shat on her forehead.

Which reminds me of the story of a poem

Little birdy in the sky,
Why you whitewash in my eye?
Angry farmer wipes his eye,
Very glad that cows don't fly


----------



## zannej

Gotta love dogs


----------



## frodo

....................


----------



## frodo

............


----------



## zannej




----------



## oldognewtrick

^ that made me laugh. &#128521;


----------



## zannej

My grandfather would have really appreciated that one because he used to tell a joke about a big yellow dog. I wish I could remember the story for it. I just remember that the gist of the joke was that it was really a lion. As kids we used to ask him to tell that one all the time.


----------



## frodo

i am all for 15 dollar minimum wage....



watch out for what you ask for!


----------



## frodo

.................


----------



## Chris

frodo said:


> i am all for 15 dollar minimum wage....
> View attachment 9238
> 
> 
> watch out for what you ask for!



It's only the beginning. They will vote themselves out of a job quick.


----------



## zannej

Oh man, I was wishing for an automated way of putting my order in yesterday. I ended up with an unsupervised trainee at the counter. Of course, it would still be possible for the monkeys in the kitchen to mess up the order. LOL.

I think I remember some the joke my grandfather told. It was funnier when he told it... 
A man walked in to a bar with a big yellow dog. The bar owner said "Mister, you better be careful. I have a pit bull and he'll tear your dog apart." The man said, "I'm not worried".

The pit bull came out and attacked the yellow dog. Fur was flying everywhere, but the yellow dog prevailed and ate the pit bull.

The stunned bar owner said "Mister, what kind of dog *is* that?"

The man said "I don't know. My brother sent him over from Africa. You should have seen him, when he first arrived he had a big head of hair!"


----------



## frodo

[ame="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G_A7E-i3XuQ"]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G_A7E-i3XuQ[/ame]


----------



## slownsteady

frodo said:


> i am all for 15 dollar minimum wage....
> View attachment 9238
> 
> 
> watch out for what you ask for!



go to the human whenever you have the opportunity. If you think your job is safe, think again. It just may take a little longer to replace you.

Save the humans!


----------



## elbo

whenever I go to a store using the speedy check-out lanes, I always go to the  human cashier to check out Sometimes the person who watches the self checkout asks why I dont use that lane instead of the cashier lane, I always tell them that I'm protecting their jobs, and you know, they don't understand why or how


----------



## zannej

Those self-checkout ones can be "fun". Scan item, put it in bagging area. Voice says "Unexpected item in bagging area" and it asks me to remove it-- even though it scanned already... Other times it says to put my item in the bagging area after I already put it in and it won't accept that its there and it gripes when I take the items out of the bagging area. There is a clerk who has to stand nearby to come press some buttons to make the machine work.


----------



## slownsteady

They will eventually iron out the bugs and then that poor sap who has to stand there and correct the machine will be out of her job too.
What's the economy going to run on when none of us are working?


----------



## zannej

A poem from a Mercedes Lackey novel:

It was a dark and stormy night - or so the Heralds say - 
And lightning striking constantly transformed the night to day. 
The thunder roared the castle round - or thusly runs the tale - 
And rising from the Northeast Tower there came a fearful wail. 

It was no beast or banshee that, the castle folk knew well, 
Nor prisoner in agony, nor demon trapped by spell, 
No ghost that moaned in penance, nor soul in mortal fright - 
'Twas just the Countess "singing" - for she practiced every night. 

The Countess was convinced she should have been born a Bard 
And thus she made the lives of those within her power hard. 
For they must listen to her sing, and smile at what they heard 
And swear she had a golden voice to rival any bird. 

The Countess was convinced the she had wedded 'neath her state 
And so the worst lot fell upon her meek and mild mate. 
Not only must the Count each night endure her every song 
But suffer silent her abuse; be blamed for every wrong. 

It was a dark and stormy night - or so the Bards aver - 
And so perhaps that was the reason why there was no stir 
When suddenly the "music" ceased; and when Dawn raised his head 
Within the Tower servants found the Countess stiff and dead. 

The Heralds came at once to judge if there had been foul play. 
They questioned all most carefully to hear what they would say. 
And one fact most astounding to them quickly came to light - 
That _every_ moment of the Count was vouched for on that night. 

The castle folk by ones and twos came forward on their own 
To swear the Count was never once that night left all on his own. 
So though the Tower had been locked, with two keys to the door, 
One his, one hers; the Count of guilt was plain absolved for sure. 

At length the Heralds then pronounced her death as "suicide". 
And all within the district voiced themselves quite satisfied. 
It was a verdict, after all, that none wished to refute - 
Though no one could imagine why she'd try to eat her lute.


----------



## frodo

^^^  


 er.....woman


----------



## zannej

Glad you like it. 
I read the novels as a kid. It was sort of sci-fi/fantasy style about Heralds with sort of magic horses that chose them. It's been a long time so I can't remember the full plots, but I enjoyed the novels when I was younger.

Here's something a friend posted that I think is super-cool but would be amusing to see someone using. A rollator made to look like the front of a boat





If they put a short railing on the top it could hold groceries.


----------



## slownsteady

I can't decide if that  rates an "ahoy" or just an "OY!"


----------



## bud16415

I almost stopped on my way to work to take a photo for this thread, but thought about it a bit and was too lazy to turn around and go back. 

There has been a large whitetail deer dead on the side of the road for a couple days. The state normally comes along and hauls them off. Well this one hasn&#8217;t gone anyplace and this morning someone has attached a Mylar balloon to it that says &#8220;Get Well Soon!&#8221;


On edit:
I just did a google search and found this must be a pretty common thing to do as I see there are 100&#8217;s of photos and selfies. What the hell.


----------



## zannej

Someone pointed out that these were all Republicans. I don't recognize any of them bc I'm fed up with politics and politicians. But let's just pretend that there are Democrats in there too.


----------



## frodo

my kinda women!!!!!




***** dawg


----------



## zannej

LOL. I can relate to the OCD one!


----------



## frodo

BIRD FEEDER

I bought a bird feeder.

I hung it on my back porch and filled it with seed.

What a beauty of a bird feeder it was, I reflected as I filled it lovingly with seed. First came the chickadees and then within a week we had hundreds of birds taking advantage of the continuous flow of free and easily accessible food.

But then the birds started building nests in the boards of the patio, above the table, and next to the barbecue.

Then came the poop. It was everywhere: on the patio tile, the chairs, the table. Everywhere!

Then some of the birds turned mean. They would dive bomb me and try to peck me even though I had fed them out of my own pocket.

Other birds were boisterous and loud. They sat on the feeder and squawked and screamed at all hours of the day and demanded that I fill it when it got low on food.

After a while, I couldn't even sit on my own back porch anymore. So I took down the bird feeder and in three days the birds were gone. I cleaned up their mess and took down the many nests they had built all over the patio.

Soon, the back yard was like it used to be: quiet and serene.

Just my opinion, but maybe it's time for the government to take down the bird feeder.


----------



## frodo

I just scored 4    10''x 18'' I beams  4' long   WHOOP WHOOP!!!!!!

and a 1/2'' plate   4' x 2'    can you say fire pit  and anvil ?  


FREE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


----------



## nealtw

It just followed you home?


----------



## frodo

nope..buddy breaking up with wife...i feel like a vulture..lol


----------



## frodo

When Jane initially met Tarzan in the jungle, she was attracted to him, and during her questions about his life, she asked him how he had sex?

' Tarzan not know sex' he replied.

Jane explained to him what sex was.

Tarzan said ' Tarzan use knot hole in trunk of tree.'

Horrified Jane said, 'Tarzan, you have it all wrong, but I will show you how to do it properly.'

She took off her clothing and laid down on the ground.

'Here' she said, pointing to her privates, 'you must put it in here.'

Tarzan removed his loin cloth, showing Jane his considerable manhood, stepped closer to her and kicked her in the crotch!

Jane rolled around in agony for what seemed like an eternity.

Eventually she managed to grasp for air and screamed 'O my God! Why did you do that?'

To which Tarzan replied, 'Check for squirrel.'


----------



## zannej

I saw these on Tumblr as a series of funny antics at the drive-through


----------



## frodo

Life as a child growing up in rural Mississippi






Around age 10 my dad got me one of those little bad *** compound bow beginner kits.
Of course, the first month I went around our land sticking arrows in
anything that could get stuck by an arrow. Did you know that a 1955 40 horse Farmall tractor tire will take 6 rounds before it goes down?
Tough sumbitch.

That got boring, so being the 10 yr. old Dukes of Hazard fan that I was, I quickly advanced to taking strips of cut up T-shirt doused in chainsaw gas tied around the end and was sending flaming arrows all over the place.

One summer afternoon, I was shooting flaming arrows into a large rotten oak stump in our backyard. I looked over under the carport and see a shiny brand new can of starting fluid (Ether). The light bulb went off in my head.

I grabbed the can and set it on the stump. I thought that it would probably just spray out in a disappointing manner. Lets&#8364;&#8482;s face it, to a 10 yr old mouth-breather like myself,Ether really doesn't "sound" flammable.

So, I went back into the house and got a 1 pound can of pyrodex (black powder for muzzle loader rifles). At this point, I set the can of ether on the stump and opened up the can of black powder. My intentions were to sprinkle a little bit around the (Ether) can but it all sorta dumped out on me. No biggie, a 1 lb. pyrodex and 16 oz
(Ether) should make a loud pop, kinda like a firecracker you know?

You know what? Screw that, I'm going back in the house for the other can.
Yes, I got a second can of pyrodex and dumped it too. Now we're cookin'.
I stepped back about 15 ft and lit the 2 stroke arrow. I drew the nock to my cheek and took aim. As I released, and the arrow launched from my bow, I heard a clunk of a car door. In a slow motion time frame, I turned to see my dad getting out of the truck.
OH SHOOT! He just got home from work. So help me God it took 10 minutes for that arrow to go from my bow to the can. My dad was walking towards me in slow motion with a WTF look in his eyes. I turned back towards my target just in time to see the arrow pierce the starting fluid can right at the bottom.
Right through the main pile of pyrodex and into the can. Oh shoot!!!!!

When the shock wave hit it knocked me off my feet. I don't know if it was the actual compression wave that threw me back or just reflex jerk back from 235 freaking decibels of sound. I caught a half a millisecond glimpse of the violence during the initial explosion and I will tell you there was dust, grass, and bugs all hovering 1 ft above the ground as far as I could see. It was like a little low to the ground layer of dust fog full of grasshoppers, spiders, and a worm or two.
The daylight turned purple. Let me repeat this.....THE FRECKING DAYLIGHT TURNED PURPLE.

There was a big sweetgum tree out by the gate going into the pasture. Notice I said "was".That sumbitch got up and ran off.

So here I am, on the ground blown completely out of my shoes with my Thundercats T-Shirt shredded, my dad is on the other side of the carport having what I can only assume is a Vietnam flashback: ECHO BRAVO CHARLIE YOU'RE BRINGIN' EM IN TOO CLOSE!! CEASE FIRE. DAMN IT CEASE FIRE!!!!!

His hat has blown off and is 30 ft behind him in the driveway. All windows on the north side of the house are blown out and there is a slow rolling mushroom cloud about 2000 ft. over our backyard. There is a Honda 185 3 wheeler parked on the other side of the yard and the fenders are drooped down and are now touching the tires.

I wish I knew what I said to my dad at this moment. I don't know - I know I said something. I couldn't hear. I couldn't hear inside my own head. I don't think he heard me either... not that it would really matter. I don't remember much from this point on. I said something, felt a sharp pain, and then woke up later. I felt a sharp pain, blacked out,
woke later.... repeat this process for an hour or so and you get the idea. I remember at one point my mom had to give me CPR and Dad screaming "Bring him back to life so I can kill him again". Thanks Mom.

One thing is for sure... I never had to mow around that stump again, Mom had been bitching about that thing for years and dad never did anything about it. I stepped up to the plate and handled business.

Dad sold his muzzle loader a week or so later. I still have some sort of bone growth abnormality, either from the blast or the beating, or both.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, get your kids into archery. It's good
discipline and will teach them skills they can use later on in life.


----------



## slownsteady

great story, well written. :


----------



## inspectorD

Now that..is funny...


----------



## nealtw

Do the walk around before you take off
[ame]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J_8mdH20qTQ[/ame]


----------



## CallMeVilla

Pulled a 14 hour day yesterday .....  had a hard time getting in the garage ....  why?


----------



## oldognewtrick

Well, that's one way to do it.


----------



## slownsteady

if he puts some fabric on that thang, will he take off?


----------



## slownsteady

Is there a cat on that ladder???  :banana:


----------



## slownsteady

Here's one to puzzle over:


http://www.youtube.com/v/9O9HfafzBPE?version=3 <http://www.youtube.com/v/9O9HfafzBPE?version=3>


----------



## nealtw

slownsteady said:


> Here's one to puzzle over:
> 
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/v/9O9HfafzBPE?version=3 <http://www.youtube.com/v/9O9HfafzBPE?version=3>



He is changing the sq. inches, the only slight of hand is the gap on the ends when he fills the box with the smaller shape.

Here are the instructions. You still have to use your imagination.
https://www.youtube.com/v/9O9HfafzBPE?version=3


----------



## frodo

it should be illegal ior democrats to own guns

[&#8203;IMG] Is this true, that these historical shootings done by democrats/leftist leaning..? 

[&#8203;IMG]
I AM SURE FOLKS HAVE READ THIS BEFORE, BUT I SAW THIS POST BY SOME PERSON IN THE CONVERSATION AREA FOR A MSN ARTICLE CLAIMING NEARLY ALL GUN OWNERS ARE OLD WHITE MEN(SIMIALR TO THEIR CLAIMS THAT SO ARE REPUBLICAN AND THOSE PRONE TO RACISM TO OTHER RACES I'VE READ OF BEFORE, JUST TOTALLY RACIST), http://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/1-i...jWSe?ocid=iehp

This could solve the gun concerns! 

In 1865 a Democrat shot and killed Abraham Lincoln, President of the United States.

In 1881 a left wing radical Democrat shot James Garfield, President of the United States - who later died from the wound.

In 1963 a radical left wing socialist shot and killed John F. Kennedy, President of the United States.

In 1975 a left wing radical Democrat fired shots at Gerald Ford, President of the United States.

In 1983 a registered Democrat shot and wounded Ronald Reagan, President of the United States.

In 1984 James Hubert, a disgruntled Democrat, shot and killed 22 people in a McDonalds restaurant.

In 1986 Patrick Sherrill, a disgruntled Democrat, shot and killed 15 people in an Oklahoma post office.

In 1990 James Pough, a disgruntled Democrat, shot and killed 10 people at a GMAC office.

In 1991 George Hennard, a disgruntled Democrat, shot and killed 23 people in a Luby's cafeteria in Killeen , TX.

In 1995 James Daniel Simpson, a disgruntled Democrat, shot and killed 5 coworkers in a Texas laboratory.

In 1999 Larry Asbrook, a disgruntled Democrat, shot and killed 8 people at a church service.

In 2001 a left wing radical Democrat fired shots at the White House in a failed attempt to kill George W. Bush, President of the US...

In 2003 Douglas Williams, a disgruntled Democrat, shot and killed 7 people at a Lockheed Martin plant.

In 2007 a registered Democrat named Seung - Hui Cho, shot and killed 32 people in Virginia Tech.

In 2010 a mentally ill registered Democrat named Jared Lee Loughner, shot Rep. Gabrielle Giffords and killed 6 others.

In 2011 a registered Democrat named James Holmes, went into a movie theater and shot and killed 12 people.

In 2012 Andrew Engeldinger, a disgruntled Democrat, shot and killed 7 people in Minneapolis.

In 2013 a registered Democrat named Adam Lanza, shot and killed 26 people in a school in Newtown , CT.

As recently as Sept 2013, an angry Democrat shot 12 at a Navy ship yard.

Clearly, there is a problem with Democrats and guns.

Not one NRA member, Tea Party member, or Republican conservative was involved in any of these shootings and murders.

SOLUTION: It should be illegal for Democrats to own guns.


----------



## nealtw

[ame]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dVogkqBx4vE[/ame]


----------



## zannej

I try to be nice to people and not mock them, so I really had to bite my tongue earlier when someone posted something on Facebook and the response from one of his ignorant friends was "They will *fill* the *raft* of the almighty God". I'm still fighting the urge to tell him its "feel the wrath"... 

I told my sister about that one and she said "Thanks for floating that by me". LOL.


----------



## frodo

zannej said:


> I try to be nice to people and not mock them, so I really had to bite my tongue earlier when someone posted something on Facebook and the response from one of his ignorant friends was "They will *fill* the *raft* of the almighty God". I'm still fighting the urge to tell him its "feel the wrath"...
> 
> I told my sister about that one and she said "Thanks for floating that by me". LOL.



siri feeling a little snarky today

For those of you who have IPhones, ask Siri what zero divided by zero is. You will enjoy the response.

What other Easter Eggs is Siri hiding?


----------



## zannej




----------



## nealtw

[ame]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tntOCGkgt98[/ame]


----------



## nealtw

[ame]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6P3v2vC212w[/ame]


----------



## zannej

I'll have to remember to watch those videos tonight. Almost anything with animals is usually good. 

One of my cats has been absolutely obsessed with me the last few days. He was in the kitchen up high yowling at my bedroom door until I came out to see what he wanted. He wanted me to pet him. Then he followed me around the house. When I stopped to close a door, he stood on his hind legs and grabbed my waist (he wanted me to pick him up). Sometimes he'll jump on me from a chair and want to be held. So I had to carry him around and hold him. When I went to bed he decided he had to sleep on top of me. He follows me to the bathroom and then back to the room to sit on me again. Right now he's giving me a little bit more space and is sleeping about 2 feet away on top of my desktop.

Another one of my cats climbed on my fuzziest blanket and was massaging it. He does this weird thing where he turns his back legs on his side and kicks them and gets "excited". My youngest cat saw the pink protrusion and decided to investigate. Apparently it hit his nose or something because he jumped back and then stood there holding his mouth open and lips up (the way cats do when they smell something odd). 

Cats are weird.


----------



## nealtw

Any bird brain can catch fish.
[ame]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lNey35PTW-o[/ame]


----------



## slownsteady

Always wondered why we call them "dumb animals".


----------



## frodo

I bought a new shotgun,  what do you think?  I do good ?


----------



## frodo

...............


----------



## frodo

my neighbor


----------



## frodo

...................


----------



## frodo

This is Layla,  she is the town dog, goes where she wants is fed by everybody and has 2 vet clinics on speed dial if needed.
traffic goes around her, and when ever I pick up a prescription, she demands her ears scratched,

just a glimpse at small town mississippi life


----------



## zannej

I saw some funny stuff at Hastings:


----------



## nealtw

zannej said:


> I saw some funny stuff at Hastings:



They must be good for gift, see them at garage sales all the time, still in the box.:


----------



## frodo

I'd regift that in a heart beat


----------



## Chris

My wife used the BBQ today.

View attachment ImageUploadedByHome Repair1437708080.289751.jpg


----------



## slownsteady

mmmm. My favorite...blackened wall.


----------



## nealtw

Lucky that wasn't vinyl siding


----------



## frodo

typical,  women do not know how to use a grill.

they got the oven thing covered, but the grill is above a womans paygrade

tell her to go make some tater salad and you will burn the meat next time


[[then run,,,when she throws something!!!!
]]


----------



## zannej

Did your wife keep the barbecue too close to the wall? 

My brother did that once and we have vinyl siding. Melted it a bit. I think we have enough spare pieces that we could cover it up though. I just need to get them out of the barn. They are up on the loft and I don't think it will hold me if I try to go up there. Probably gonna have to get a ladder and a grabber arm thingy.

Frodo, the only time I ever touch the oven is to clean it. I'm actually afraid to lean into it. I guess its from reading Hansel and Gretel. Ok, and the time my arm touched the side when it was hot. Never reached into an oven again. yeah, I'm a wuss. 

I'd love to see the look on Chris' wife's face if he said that to her though.


----------



## havasu

zannej said:


> I'd love to see the look on Chris' wife's face if he said that to her though.



I'm afraid I'd be going to Chris' funeral.


----------



## frodo

zannej said:


> Did your wife keep the barbecue too close to the wall?
> 
> My brother did that once and we have vinyl siding. Melted it a bit. I think we have enough spare pieces that we could cover it up though. I just need to get them out of the barn. They are up on the loft and I don't think it will hold me if I try to go up there. Probably gonna have to get a ladder and a grabber arm thingy.
> 
> Frodo, the only time I ever touch the oven is to clean it. I'm actually afraid to lean into it. I guess its from reading Hansel and Gretel. Ok, and the time my arm touched the side when it was hot. Never reached into an oven again. yeah, I'm a wuss.
> 
> I'd love to see the look on Chris' wife's face if he said that to her though.




you dont cook?  all kidding aside.
I like to cook, its fun, making stuff.

my dad and I used to have red beans and rice cook offs

he cheated and used deer sausage.  won hands down


----------



## bud16415

I would blame it on the person that put it there not the cook. The house we bought had the siding melted right by the main door. The realtor said I don&#8217;t know what would cause that. That&#8217;s when I stopped believing anything he said. I had some garage rafter siding too for replacement but with the fading it was way off so I took some off the back of the house and replaced it with the leftover stuff from the garage and then used the faded stuff to fix the melted stuff. My grill is now 6 feet from the house.


----------



## Chris

She forgot that I pull the grill away from the house to cook. I was running late getting home from work so she decided to get it started for me, turned it on high and let it warm up. The whole thing caught fire. I guess I need to send her to BBQ school


----------



## frodo

I think we have a problem !!!!


----------



## zannej

frodo said:


> you dont cook?  all kidding aside.
> I like to cook, its fun, making stuff.
> 
> my dad and I used to have red beans and rice cook offs
> 
> he cheated and used deer sausage.  won hands down



I don't like cooking. My brother is much better at it, but he sucks at home repair stuff.


----------



## mmb617

frodo said:


> typical,  women do not know how to use a grill.
> 
> they got the oven thing covered, but the grill is above a womans paygrade



Nope, don't agree as the wife does the grilling at our house. Grilling is still cooking and cooking is her job.

We've been married for 38 years and over that time have negotiated who's responsible for what. General rules are inside the house = her job. Outside the house = my job. That makes cooking, cleaning, laundry, decorating, etc all her jobs. Maintaining the vehicles, cutting grass, clearing snow, etc all my jobs.

Where it gets tricky is when the inside/outside rule is waived. For instance if the washing machine breaks down, fixing or replacing it is my job even though it's inside the house, because all mechanical maintenance is mine, whether inside or out.

So..........I use the fine print to interpret grilling as her job even though it's outside because technically it's cooking.

Hope that clears things up.


----------



## zannej

Frodo, I think I recognize that picture of the flooded bathroom from one of the documents about changes to plumbing in Louisiana.


----------



## frodo

zannej said:


> Frodo, I think I recognize that picture of the flooded bathroom from one of the documents about changes to plumbing in Louisiana.



since i can only hit the like buton 1 time per post.

each dot, stands for a like............................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................i hate tofu


----------



## mmb617

What exactly is tofu? I hear about it a lot but don't know for sure what it is. I guess it's some kind of fake meat? Not like turkey hamburger which isn't really hamburger but at least it is some kind of meat. Is tofu vegetable based fake meat?


----------



## frodo

Tofu, also known as bean curd, is a food made by coagulating soy milk and then pressing the resulting curds into soft white blocks. It is a component in East Asian and Southeast Asian cuisines.[3][4] There are many different varieties of tofu, including fresh tofu and tofu that has been processed in some way


ever see the movie soylent green  ?  a 1973 movie,

[ame="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SVpN312hYgU"]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SVpN312hYgU[/ame]


----------



## mmb617

Can't say that I'd ever seen that movie so I went to Wikipedia to read the synopsis. It's supposedly set in the year 2022, and I don't think things will get that bad that fast! Kind of like Orwell's 1984, a lot of it may well come to pass, just not as soon as the story has it happening.

I read 1984 way back in high school and it's amazing how much of that story is real life now.


----------



## slownsteady

had to pass these on...:beer:

*The location of your mailbox shows you how far away from your house
you can be in a robe, before you start looking like a mental patient.


My therapist said that my narcissism causes me to misread social
situations. I'm pretty sure she was hitting on me.


My 60 year kindergarten reunion is coming up soon and I'm worried
about the 195 lbs. I've gained.


I'm getting kind of tired always slowly raising my hand when someone
asks, "Who does something like that?!?"


I always wondered what the job application is like at Hooters.. do
they just give you a bra and say, "here fill this out"..?


Four-time NASCAR Sprint Cup champion Jeff Gordon announced that this
will be his final season of racing. You could tell it was time for him
to retire during his last race when he had his blinker on the whole
time.


The speed in which a woman says "nothing" when asked "What's wrong?"
is inversely proportional to the severity of the **** storm that's
coming.


Denny's has a slogan, 'If it's your birthday, the meal is on us.'
.....If you're in Denny's and it's your birthday... your life sucks!


If I make you breakfast in bed, a simple "Thank you" is all I
need.....not all this, "how did you get in my house" business!


The pharmacist asked me my birthday again today....Pretty sure she's
going to get me something.


On average, an American man will have sex two to three times a week;
whereas a Japanese man will have sex only one or two times a year.
...This is upsetting news to me............ I had no idea I was
Japanese.


I can't understand why women are okay that JC Penny has an older
women's clothing line named, "Sag Harbor."


I think it's pretty cool how Chinese people made a language entirely
out of tattoos.


What is it about a car that makes people think we can't see them pick
their nose?


When I die I want to be reincarnated as a spider.  Just so I can
finally hear a women say "Oh my God, it's huge!"*


----------



## nealtw

"When you discover that you are riding a dead horse, the best strategy is to dismount."



However, in government, more advanced strategies are often employed, such as: 



1. Buying a stronger whip. 




2. Changing riders. 



3. Appointing a committee to study the horse.  

4. Arranging to visit other countries to see how other cultures ride dead horses.



5. Lowering the standards so that dead horses can be included. 



6. Reclassifying the dead horse as living-impaired. 



7. Hiring outside contractors to ride the dead horse. 



8. Harnessing several dead horses together to increase speed. 



9. Providing additional funding and/or training to increase the dead horse's performance. 



10. Doing a productivity study to see if lighter riders would improve the dead horse's performance. 



11. Declaring that as the dead horse does not have to be fed, it is less costly, carries lower overhead and therefore contributes substantially more to the bottom line of the economy than do some other horses.  


12. Rewriting the expected performance requirements for all horses.  

And, of course...
12. Promoting the dead horse to a supervisory position.


----------



## slownsteady

There are a few other threads here where this could be posted......


----------



## zannej

When I worked at the Singapore Zoological Gardens some of the animals were fed some powdered tofu garbage. We would have to mix in water and then put it in slop buckets for them. It was pretty gross.

I know that it allegedly has some sort of nutritional value but the taste and texture of tofu that is deemed suitable for human consumption is just terrible.

Slownsteady, the mailbox one got me laughing because I actually have to drive into town to check my mailbox since they won't deliver to my house. I have actually gone in wearing pajamas. 

I would have fit in well in those "People of Walmart" videos.
[ame]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YvxNgdFeWqM[/ame]


----------



## frodo

Affordable Plumbing Act 






Chicago Plumber

Only weeks after leaving office on January 20, 2017, former President Barack Obama discovers a leak under his sink, so he calls Troy the Plumber to come out and fix it.
 Troy drives to President Obama's new house, which is located in a very exclusive, gated community near Chicago, where all the residents have a net income of way more than $250,000 per year.
 Troy arrives and takes his tools into the house. He is led to the guest bathroom that contains the leaky pipe under the sink. Troy assesses the problem and tells Obama that it's an easy repair, that will take less than 10 minutes. Obama asks Troy how much it will cost. Troy checks his rate chart and says, "$9,500."
 "What?! $9,500?!" Obama asks, stunned, "But you said it's an easy repair. Michelle will whip me if I pay a plumber that much!" 




Troy says, "Yes, but what I do is charge those who make more than $250,000 per year a much higher amount so I can fix the plumbing of poorer people for free. This has always been my philosophy. As a matter of fact, I lobbied the Democrat Congress, who passed this philosophy into law. Now all plumbers must do business this way. It's known as the 'Affordable Plumbing Act of 2014'. I'm surprised you haven't heard of it."
 In spite of that, Obama tells Troy there's no way he's paying that much for a small plumbing repair, so Troy leaves. Obama spends the next hour flipping through the phone book calling for another plumber, but he finds that all other plumbing businesses in the area have gone out of business. Not wanting to pay Troy's price, Obama does nothing and the leak goes un-repaired for several more days. A week later the leak is so bad President Obama has had to put a bucket under the sink.
 Michelle is not happy as she has Oprah and guests arriving the next morning. The bucket fills up quickly and has to be emptied every hour, and there's a risk the room will flood, so Obama calls Troy and pleads with him to return.
 Troy goes back to Obama's house, looks at the leaky pipe, checks his new rate chart and says, "Let's see, this will now cost you $21,000." 



Obama quickly fires back, "What? A few days ago you told me it would cost $9,500!"
 Troy explains, "Well, because of the 'Affordable Plumbing Act,' a lot of wealthier people are learning how to maintain and take care of their own plumbing, so there are fewer payers in the plumbing exchanges. As a result, the price I have to charge wealthy people like you keeps rising. Not only that, but for some reason the demand for plumbing work by those who get it for free has skyrocketed! There's a long waiting list of those who need repairs, but the amount we get doesn't cover our costs, especially paperwork and record-keeping. This unfortunately has put a lot of my fellow plumbers out of business, they're not being replaced, and nobody is going into the plumbing business because they know they can't make any money at it. I'm hurting too, all thanks to greedy rich people like you who won't pay their 'fair share'. On the other hand, why didn't you buy plumbing insurance last December? If you had bought plumbing insurance available under the 'Affordable Plumbing Act,' all this would have been covered by your policy." 



"You mean I wouldn't have to pay anything to have you fix my plumbing problem?" asks Obama. 



"Well, not exactly," replies Troy. "You would have had to buy the insurance before the deadline, which has passed now. And, because you're rich, you would have had to pay $34,000 in premiums, which would have given you a 'silver' plan, and then, since this would have been your first repair, you would have to pay up to the $21,000 deductible, and anything over that would have a $7,500 co-pay, and then there's the mandatory maintenance program, which is covered up to 17.5%, so there are some costs involved. Nothing is for free." 



"WHAT?!" exclaims Obama. "Why so much for a puny sink leak?!" 



With a bland look, Troy replies, "Well, paperwork, mostly, like I said. And the internal cost of the program itself. You don't think a program of this complexity and scope can run itself, do you? Besides, there are millions of folks with lower incomes than you, even many in the 'middle class', who qualify for subsidies that people like you must support. That's why they call it the 'Affordable Plumbing Act'! Only people who don't make much money can afford it. If you want affordable plumbing, you'll have to give away most of what you have accumulated and cut your and Michelle's income by about 90%. Then you can qualify to GET your 'Fair Share' instead of GIVING it." 



"But who would pass a crazy act like the 'Affordable Plumbing Act'?!" exclaims the exasperated Obama. 



After a sigh, Troy replies, "Congress ... because they didn't read it."


----------



## zannej

Speaking of money... to make a long story short in the saga of redneck drama, a local glass place replaced glass in my friend's house window without his authorization (all he did was ask for an estimate) and they screwed it up. It required a second visit from the glass place and they billed him for both visits-- even though neither job was really satisfactory. Anyway, one of the local yokels from the glass place decided to go to my friend's place of work and tell my friend's boss that he owed him money and told the boss to tell my friend he better pay up. 

My friend has no issue with paying for the glass and the first visit even though he didn't authorize the work, but he's quite amused now that the glass place has violated the rules for debt collecting. They picked the wrong person to pull that crap with. LOL. My bro and I want to get some popcorn and watch how it goes.

Meanwhile, Diply site had a post on driver MacGyvers


----------



## zannej

And then there's this:


----------



## frodo

Long on work ethic,  short on brains


https://www.facebook.com/965013046882512/videos/972367076147109/


----------



## mmb617

frodo, loved the affordable plumber post.


----------



## frodo

https://www.msgo.com/proxy.php?image=https%3A%2F%2F38.media.tumblr.com%2Ff4769046851707ae183238c3befd0268%2Ftumblr_nshfr92ZZX1s02vreo1_400.gif&hash=f3b50195df37f13380238b837c3cc6e7It's hot damnit,   dog fills pool by himself









https://www.msgo.com/proxy.php?imag...400.gif&hash=f3b50195df37f13380238b837c3cc6e7


----------



## nealtw

.................


----------



## frodo

[ame="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_CwHrJt8Oz8"]french date[/ame]


----------



## zannej

The picture of the dog filling the pool didn't work, but I googled it. LOL.

And that video.. LOL!! That was great! Two old grannies high-fiving. 

It took me a moment to get this one, but I had to chuckle when I got it.


----------



## frodo

I have a box full of  scrap pieces of copper from funky projects i do.

i looked in the box,  and I saw Wilson.

you remember the soccer ball in the movie with tom hanks?

so I grabbed wilson and soldered him together.

it turns out, he likes to hang out on my desk and hold business cards


----------



## frodo

[ame="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ov-1S8Xxd94&feature=youtu.be"]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ov-1S8Xxd94&feature=youtu.be[/ame]


listen to the words.   pay close attention to  1:09    is he saying what i think hes saying?


----------



## zannej

frodo said:


> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ov-1S8Xxd94&feature=youtu.be
> 
> 
> listen to the words.   pay close attention to  1:09    is he saying what i think hes saying?



It sounded like he said "What the f***" but I think he was actually saying something about the dog. LOL.


----------



## havasu

I must have played that cartoon a dozen times and it sure sounds like WTF. Too funny!


----------



## frodo

havasu said:


> I must have played that cartoon a dozen times and it sure sounds like WTF. Too funny!




thats what I hear  :rofl:


----------



## zannej

An example of censorship turning something innocent into something dirty.

[ame]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B-Wd-Q3F8KM[/ame]

[ame]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8bvrpEEtSLU[/ame]


----------



## frodo

I am going to support Hillery,  by putting her sign in my yard


----------



## zannej

I saw some idiot saying something like "Anyone who won't vote for Hilary is sexist". No. It just means I don't want to elect that particular woman. I'd vote for a woman, but not Hilary. She couldn't even handle a lower ranking job. It makes me think about the South Park episode where the voting options were between a douche and a turd sandwich.

Meanwhile..


----------



## nealtw

http://www.cbc.ca/news/trending/wyatt-scott-video-independent-bc-goose-1.3187541


----------



## zannej

nealtw said:


> http://www.cbc.ca/news/trending/wyatt-scott-video-independent-bc-goose-1.3187541



ROTFL!!! I laughed so hard that my mother paged me to ask what was so funny.


----------



## zannej

I recently saw something about a guy pretending to be from Target's customer service trolling people who were outraged that Target was no longer going to have toys and bedding separated by gender. 
So, my sister found this "chart" to help people identify which toys were for which gender of children.


----------



## frodo




----------



## frodo

so true....


----------



## zannej




----------



## zannej

I can't remember if I've shared this before or not-- but my father grew up in New Jersey and his father's side of the family thought the mother had cheated on my grandfather and that my dad wasn't his so they didn't like my dad. My dad was born late enough in his parent's life that my great aunt's and great uncle's grandkids were the same age as him. There was one grandkid named Dee who decided to defy her parents and hang out with my dad. She apparently rode up on a horse one day and introduced herself to him as his cousin. He and one of his friends then stuffed her into a trashcan. She came back the next day and wanted to hang out. 
For some reason the mental image of him stuffing her into a garbage can always amused me-- and the fact that she came back for more bewildered me. LOL.


----------



## zannej




----------



## slownsteady

couldn't do it, but one like for each pic.


----------



## frodo




----------



## frodo




----------



## frodo




----------



## frodo




----------



## zannej

Frodo, I have actually witnessed guys talking all tough about what they were going to do and then changing their tunes as soon as their wives walked up. LOL.

Egg timer! LOL..

Ooh, good pun on the stepladder...

On Friday when I was driving my friend around, he was on the phone getting an insurance quote. My brother had been quiet and suddenly he very loudly shouted "DIIICKS!!" in a high-pitched voice.  My friend made a WTF expression and I started laughing so hard I almost "cheat" myself.


----------



## slownsteady

What do y'all put in the water down in Key West?????
https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B5Jz8iVvimK7djhhbHE2cFNCc3c/preview?pli=1


----------



## frodo

slownsteady said:


> What do y'all put in the water down in Key West?????
> https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B5Jz8iVvimK7djhhbHE2cFNCc3c/preview?pli=1


 sad part,  they breed


----------



## frodo

slownsteady said:


> What do y'all put in the water down in Key West?????
> https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B5Jz8iVvimK7djhhbHE2cFNCc3c/preview?pli=1




whats up with the video?      will not let me watch it again


----------



## zannej

Maybe you have to clear your cache to watch it again? Or open it in an incognito browser?


----------



## elbo

now you know why I love living in florida (fantasy fest in key west, and usually found on any boat on any weekend)


----------



## frodo

[ame="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Prls6Iz3B3E"]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Prls6Iz3B3E[/ame]


----------



## zannej




----------



## frodo

.....................


----------



## nealtw

[ame]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xF6-RhmehPA[/ame]


----------



## zannej

Finally got the Nazi Hilary thing to load. LOL.

I remember the turtle pestering the cat one.

I wish I could get the video to link, but its on Facebook-- there's one from Thailand where an obnoxious elephant walked into the road and started kicking, stomping, and sitting on a car for no apparent reason.

So, I have this instead:


----------



## frodo

i can relate


----------



## frodo

.......................


----------



## zannej

Ha! Reminds me of some of the Pierre and Boudreaux jokes I've heard over the years.

My bro snapped this shot at work yesterday:





He didn't get a shot of the sign in the parking lot for "Expected Mother".


----------



## nealtw

remember to tie you load down


----------



## frodo

nealtw said:


> remember to tie you load down





:rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:


----------



## zannej

nealtw said:


> remember to tie you load down



Maybe there's a dead body or something underneath. LOL. But really, have to wonder about people sometimes. How do they not realize things....

This isn't something funny, but I'm wondering if it works...





But this is kinda funny


----------



## slownsteady

But only if you have half-gallon feet


----------



## oldognewtrick

Using a comb will work, but if you hold the nail between your first and middle finger, with your hand turned backwards (palm up), it doesn't hurt near as much if you miss and hit your fingers.


----------



## zannej

LOL! Won't hurt *as much*. I think I'll find a comb...

Meanwhile...


----------



## frodo

zannej said:


> LOL! Won't hurt *as much*. I think I'll find a comb...
> 
> Meanwhile...




you owe me a new keyboard,  I just spit coffee all over this one!!!!!!!!!!!!:rofl::rofl::rofl:

thats funnier than to mofo's


----------



## frodo

Dumb MOFO!!!!!!!!!!!!

[ame="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hr1SXk8wC08"]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hr1SXk8wC08[/ame]


----------



## CallMeVilla

Then again, could this be a problem??


----------



## frodo

CallMeVilla said:


> Then again, could this be a problem??



that is truly shocking!!!!!


----------



## slownsteady

well, at least it's going to ground.


----------



## frodo

couple of funnies


----------



## frodo

............


----------



## CallMeVilla

Men and their imaginations


----------



## nealtw

CallMeVilla said:


> Then again, could this be a problem??



I want to know why there is no water coming from the lower holes.


----------



## frodo

nealtw said:


> I want to know why there is no water coming from the lower holes.


that plug is gfi protected:rofl:


----------



## frodo




----------



## CallMeVilla

nealtw said:


> I want to know why there is no water coming from the lower holes.



Neal?  Never seen a dedicated receptacle before???  Hahahahahaha  :


----------



## bud16415

Is that water hot?


----------



## frodo

..............


----------



## frodo

https://www.youtube.com/watch?t=229&v=lpLvrxTa6aQ


----------



## zannej




----------



## zannej




----------



## CallMeVilla

Think you could build this?????


----------



## zannej

CallMeVilla said:


> Think you could build this?????


That's pretty cool!


----------



## slownsteady

No, but i'd have fun using it!


----------



## zannej

This is bizarre but gave me a good laugh
[ame]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o0u4M6vppCI[/ame]


----------



## zannej




----------



## Chris

That's awesome.

I went hunting this weekend now I count 42 mosquito bites and I itch like no other.

Funny for you but not for me. I look like I have chicken pox.


----------



## Admin

I do not like mosquitoes and I had being bitten by them.   I think Noah should have taken the unicorns and left the two mosquitoes.


----------



## havasu

I thought he did take the unicorns?


----------



## nealtw

he did take a lot of horny animals.


----------



## oldognewtrick

Chris said:


> That's awesome.
> 
> I went hunting this weekend now I count 42 mosquito bites and I itch like no other.
> 
> Funny for you but not for me. I look like I have chicken pox.



Guess you've never been mauled by chiggers or seed ticks, you'd be thankful for mosquitos....


----------



## Chris

We really do have it easy on bugs out this way.


----------



## nealtw

The higher you move  up the mountain the less mosquitos.:banana:


----------



## Chris

I was at 7300 feet with those bugs.


----------



## nealtw

I'am only a few miles up the road from mosquito land and never see any here.


----------



## Chris

I rarely do up there either. It has been hot up there so maybe that has something to do with it.


----------



## frodo

I was up in teluride Colorado,  working on a job. i had the pleasure to work with a guy called Roudy.

http://www.tripadvisor.com/Attraction_Review-g33667-d1887373-Reviews-Ride_with_Roudy_and_Telluride_Horseback_Adventures-Telluride_Colorado.html

he is a very good finish carpenter,  he is also a guide.
I learned a few things about hunting from this man that have paid off big time for me.
aside from the tips on elk hunting that work 
 is the cold camp,method of hunting.

basically,  go to your hunting spot the night before, spend the night,  no fire, no noise, no lights
just hunker down, and shut up.
the animals will come around your area,
if you have picked out a good spot,  they will come into eat

topical maps and aerial maps of your hunting area will show deer trails
find where 2 or more intersect, plant some food their


----------



## frodo

...........................


----------



## slownsteady

I'd be afraid of getting powder burns on my sleeping bag.


----------



## CallMeVilla

Here is a car show sweetie  ..... Think of it this way, if you spin out into the river, at least you can float.


----------



## zannej




----------



## oldognewtrick

Happy Birthday Zanne&#127874;


----------



## slownsteady

Birthday!? Excellent! Have a good one.


----------



## nealtw

[ame]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c8z5g9EHYZ0[/ame]


----------



## frodo

Your BURB DAY YESTERDAY ?  


  [/ATTACH]


I was in a pool hall in Houston, big place, 20 tables. 
A young married couple came in, headed to the back. the last table.

their must have been 10 or 12 open tables, in walked two rednecks.and they went to the table next to the couple, kinda crowding them, lil bit. 

after a few minutes, they started making rude commnts bout the boys wife.
well, he said, real plane and respectfull.
we dont get out much, got a couple young ones, we mean no harm, want no trouble
just want to have a little fun together.

this kinda pissed off the 2 rednecks, they started right back in.talking about her *** and such as that.

the boy, stepped right up, said I asked polite, now i am telling you
go away and leave us be.

one of the rednecks thought it would be a good idea to start a lil fight.

I guess that boy with his wife had a little training, the redneck had a good 6 or 8"" on him.

but the boy boxed hers ears, knocked him out cold.

it was fast, looked to me like it was 2 jabs and a upper cut.

he turned to the other fella, said come get some

he grabbed his buddy, they left in a hurry.

they talked for a minute, then he did something that was pure class

he walked up to the bar, I done fell of my bar stool laughing.

apologized to the owner for any trouble he had caused, and offered to buy a round for the house

bar tender, told him thank you, but the house wanted to buy him and his lady a round.

and, that table was his, any friday night they want.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


down the street was a Ice house, called Freeport Icehouse, 
in south east houston, channelview area
I was up in there on a sunny afternoon, drinking a long neck.
couple of ole boys were leaving, 
they opened the door, same time some guy was coming in.

now, I dont know if you ever been in a dark bar . but when you walk in from outside
you are blind for a minute. cant see ****, same thing when you walk out.

just thought i would throw that in the story.

the guy started to come thru the door as the other 2 were leaving. I heard some one say.
HEY Bubba. thats that SOB ! just like that, heard it real plane.
next thing i know, all hell has broke out at the door, then some guy, is knocked out the door and under the front end of a truck. every time he trys to crawl out, he catchs a boot up side his head.
and we kept hearing thats that sOB.
minute or 2 passed.
then we hear. OH ****! that aint him.
Come on out man. we sorry, we thought you were that other sob.
they brought him out, dusted him off, said they was sorry and wanted to buy him a few beers.
he ordered a long neck.

OK,,any ya'll ever been to an ice house, when you drink a long neck, the bar tender takes the empty
then hands you a full beer.

well, every time he tried to get the empty's, the old boy would wave his hand.
yu know what i am talking about, like when you are playing black jack and wanna stand pat

after he had him 5 or 6 long necks in a row, he grabbed one in each hAND AND WENT TO WHOOPEN THEM TWO BOYS WITH THEM BOTTLES
the whole time he was whoop'n them he was hollering
thats that sob....thats that sob..

i fell off of that bar stool also..

_________________  HAPPY BIRTHDAY ZANNE.


----------



## zannej

LOL!

I don't know if this will come across as funny as it was when I was told about it-- but you know the wrestler called "The Rock" (Dwayne Johnson)? His grandfather, Peter Maivia, was from Tonga or Samoa (I can't remember which). He and his wife were in a bar and some idiots decided to pick a fight with them. For whatever reason, almost every patron in the bar decided to try to jump them-- police were called. As the police arrived they got hit by patrons being literally thrown out the door. The police charged in and I don't know if it was because the Maivias were drunk or just were in defensive mode, but every cop that ran through the door got thrown right back out.

When the incident report landed on my father's desk (because the Maivias were being considered for deportation) it said that it involved the two perpetrators and I think something like 23+ victims.


----------



## nealtw

The cop was sent out to deal with a domestic incident. He radios the dispatcher to say, he will be a while as the wife shot the husband for walking on the floor that was still wet after she washed it. The dispatcher asked, have you arrested her? Cop answers, not yet the floor is still wet.


----------



## frodo

I had this idea that I was going to rope a deer, put it in a stall, feed it up on corn for a couple of weeks, then kill it and eat it.

The first step in this adventure was getting a deer. I figured that, since they congregate at my cattle feeder and do not seem to have much fear of me when we are there (a bold one will sometimes come right up and sniff at the bags of feed while I am in the back of the truck not 4 feet away), it should not be difficult to rope one, get up to it and toss a bag over its head (to calm it down) then hog tie it and transport it home.

I filled the cattle feeder then hid down at the end with my rope.
The cattle, having seen the roping thing before, stayed well back.
They were not having any of it.
After about 20 minutes, my deer showed up &#8212; 3 of them.
I picked out a likely looking one, stepped out from the end of the feeder, and threw my rope.
The deer just stood there and stared at me.

I wrapped the rope around my waist and twisted the end so I would have a good hold.
The deer still just stood and stared at me, but you could tell it was mildly concerned about the whole rope situation.
I took a step towards it&#8230;it took a step away.
I put a little tension on the rope and then received an education.

The first thing that I learned is that, while a deer may just stand there looking at you funny while you rope it, they are spurred to action when you start pulling on that rope. That deer EXPLODED.

The second thing I learned is that pound for pound, a deer is a LOT stronger than a cow or a colt.
A cow or a colt in that weight range I could fight down with a rope and with some dignity.
A deer&#8211; no chance.
That thing ran and bucked and twisted and pulled.
There was no controlling it and certainly no getting close to it.
As it jerked me off my feet and started dragging me across the ground, it occurred to me that having a deer on a rope was not nearly as good an idea as I had originally imagined.
The only upside is that they do not have as much stamina as many other animals.

A brief 10 minutes later, it was tired and not nearly as quick to jerk me off my feet and drag me when I managed to get up. It took me a few minutes to realize this, since I was mostly blinded by the blood flowing out of the big gash in my head.
At that point, I had lost my taste for corn-fed venison.
I just wanted to get that devil creature off the end of that rope.

I figured if I just let it go with the rope hanging around its neck, it would likely die slow and painfully somewhere.
At the time, there was no love at all between me and that deer.
At that moment, I hated the thing, and I would venture a guess that the feeling was mutual.

Despite the gash in my head and the several large knots where I had cleverly arrested the deer&#8217;s momentum by bracing my head against various large rocks as it dragged me across the ground, I could still think clearly enough to recognize that there was a small chance that I shared some tiny amount of responsibility for the situation we were in, so I didn&#8217;t want the deer to have it suffer a slow death, so I managed to get it lined back up in between my truck and the feeder &#8211; a little trap I had set before hand&#8230;kind of like a squeeze chute.
I got it to back in there and I started moving up so I could get my rope back.

Did you know that deer bite?
They do! I never in a million years would have thought that a deer would bite somebody, so I was very surprised when I reached up there to grab that rope and the deer grabbed hold of my wrist.

Now, when a deer bites you, it is not like being bit by a horse where they just bite you and then let go.
A deer bites you and shakes its head &#8211;almost like a pit bull. They bite HARD and it hurts.

The proper thing to do when a deer bites you is probably to freeze and draw back slowly.
I tried screaming and shaking instead. My method was ineffective.
It seems like the deer was biting and shaking for several minutes, but it was likely only several seconds.
I, being smarter than a deer (though you may be questioning that claim by
now) tricked it.

While I kept it busy tearing the bejesus out of my right arm, I reached up with my left hand and pulled that rope loose.
That was when I got my final lesson in deer behavior for the day.
Deer will strike at you with their front feet.
They rear right up on their back feet and strike right about head and shoulder level, and their hooves are surprisingly sharp.

I learned a long time ago that, when an animal &#8212; like a horse -strikes at you with their hooves and you can&#8217;t get away easily, the best thing to do is try to make a loud noise and make an aggressive move towards the animal.
This will usually cause them to back down a bit so you can escape.
This was not a horse. This was a deer, so obviously, such trickery would not work.
In the course of a millisecond, I devised a different strategy.

I screamed like a woman and tried to turn and run.

The reason I had always been told NOT to try to turn and run from a horse that paws at you is that there is a good chance that it will hit you in the back of the head.
Deer may not be so different from horses after all, besides being twice as strong and 3 times as evil, because the second I turned to run, it hit me right in the back of the head and knocked me down.

Now, when a deer paws at you and knocks you down, it does not immediately leave.
I suspect it does not recognize that the danger has passed.
What they do instead is paw your back and jump up and down on you while you are laying there crying like a little girl and covering your head.

I finally managed to crawl under the truck and the deer went away.
So now I know why when people go deer hunting they bring a rifle with a scope so that they can be somewhat equal to the Prey.


----------



## zannej

Yikes! Deer are not creatures to be messed with. They also give zero rats' behinds about traffic. I've had them just run right in front of my vehicle when there were no other cars on the road and they could have waited for me to pass. I sometimes wonder if its part of their games or something.


----------



## elbo

sounds like my ex wife


----------



## zannej

elbo said:


> sounds like my ex wife


Running in front of vehicles or shooting someone for walking on the wet floor?


----------



## frodo

[ame="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7lIRr3DZzxc"]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7lIRr3DZzxc[/ame]


----------



## elbo

walking on the wet floor


----------



## havasu

I LOL'ed at the Roy D. Mercer call. That was great!


----------



## frodo

I find this funny
https://www.youtube.com/watch?t=376&v=pELwCqz2JfE


----------



## frodo

...........


----------



## zannej




----------



## frodo

[ame="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ndsaoMFz9J4"]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ndsaoMFz9J4[/ame]


----------



## frodo

..................


----------



## frodo

..................


----------



## frodo

.....................


----------



## frodo

........................


----------



## havasu

.............


----------



## frodo

havasu said:


> .............




back in 1990.  we had a problem with JW  coming to the door day after day.
After being politely told, no thank you we are happy being Baptist.
the would not take no for an answer.

SO>>>>

i poured some sugar on the table,  and some oregano

set out a bottle of jack black

and invited them in,,,told the girl she looked real purdy,  :rofl:

asked her if she wanted to party.:

they started yelling 

"Satan get behind me!"  as the ran out the door.

never had any problems after that, mater of fact when they walked down the street. they did it on the other side


mission accomplished  :beer:


side note, she was purdy


----------



## frodo

[ame="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jOgLc15x9fw"]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jOgLc15x9fw[/ame]


----------



## slownsteady

There were four churches and a synagogue in a small Ohio town: a 
Presbyterian church, a Baptist church, a Methodist church, a Catholic 
church and a Jewish synagogue. Each church and the synagogue had a 
problem with squirrels.

The Presbyterian church called a meeting to decide what to do about their 
squirrels. After much prayer and consideration they determined the 
squirrels were predestined to be there and they shouldn't interfere with 
God's divine will.

 At the Baptist church the squirrels had taken an interest in the 
baptistery. The deacons met and decided to put a water slide on the 
baptistery and let the squirrels drown themselves. The squirrels liked 
the slide and, unfortunately, knew instinctively how to swim. Twice as 
many squirrels showed up the following week.

 The Methodist church decided that they were not in a position to harm any 
of God's creatures. So, they humanely trapped their squirrels and set 
them free near the Baptist Church . Two weeks later the squirrels were 
back when the Baptists took down the water slide.

 But the Catholic Church came up with a very creative strategy. They 
baptized all the squirrels and consecrated them as members of the church. 
Now they only see them on Christmas and Easter.

 Not much was heard from the Jewish synagogue, but it's rumored that they 
took one squirrel and circumcised him. They haven't seen a squirrel on 
their property since.:banana:


----------



## slownsteady

...yes, I chose the banana intentionally.


----------



## bud16415

slownsteady said:


> ...yes, I chose the banana intentionally.



Oh that thing is a banana. All along I thought it was something else and wondered why Neal always posted it.  

:banana::banana::banana::banana:


----------



## nealtw

bud16415 said:


> Oh that thing is a banana. All along I thought it was something else and wondered why Neal always posted it.
> 
> :banana::banana::banana::banana:



would you sooner have the clap.


----------



## bud16415

nealtw said:


> would you sooner have the clap.



You got me there I guess I will take the banana to the clap any day. 

Rather have a cold beer though. :beer::beer::beer::beer:


----------



## nealtw

bud16415 said:


> You got me there I guess I will take the banana to the clap any day.
> 
> Rather have a cold beer though. :



really thirsty, maybe a fever from the clap.:


----------



## slownsteady

INTERESTING OBSERVATION

1. The sport of choice for the urban poor is BASKETBALL.
2. The sport of choice for maintenance level employees is BOWLING.
3. The sport of choice for front-line workers is FOOTBALL.
4. The sport of choice for supervisors is BASEBALL.
5. The sport of choice for middle management is TENNIS.And ...
6. The sport of choice for corporate executives and officers is GOLF.

THE amazing facts are,
The higher you go in the corporate structure,
the smaller your balls become.
There must be a boat load of people in
Washington playing marbles .


----------



## nealtw

slownsteady said:


> INTERESTING OBSERVATION
> 
> 1. The sport of choice for the urban poor is BASKETBALL.
> 2. The sport of choice for maintenance level employees is BOWLING.
> 3. The sport of choice for front-line workers is FOOTBALL.
> 4. The sport of choice for supervisors is BASEBALL.
> 5. The sport of choice for middle management is TENNIS.And ...
> 6. The sport of choice for corporate executives and officers is GOLF.
> 
> THE amazing facts are,
> The higher you go in the corporate structure,
> the smaller your balls become.
> There must be a boat load of people in
> Washington playing marbles .



So hockey fans are low life I guess.:trophy:


----------



## havasu

Isn't hockey the sport reserved for really bad figure skaters? 

Actually love our local minor team "Ontario Reign"

http://www.ontarioreign.com/schedule/


----------



## nealtw

No, bad fighters


----------



## slownsteady

Hockey fans have no balls at all. But we have really big disks.


----------



## bud16415

slownsteady said:


> Hockey fans have no balls at all. But we have really big disks.



Im a little disappointed SnS I thought for sure you were going to work in a Puck reference. :rofl:


----------



## slownsteady

bud16415 said:


> Im a little disappointed SnS I thought for sure you were going to work in a Puck reference. :rofl:


thought about it. decided to quit while I was a "Head".:banana:


----------



## nealtw

[ame]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wSIy8u228qA[/ame]


----------



## oldognewtrick

Mess with the bull and you get the horns. &#128516;


----------



## Chris

That's a good one.


----------



## havasu

He looked pretty macho until he was curled up in a ball on the ground.


----------



## frodo

............


----------



## frodo

[ame="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AKrhKJUerU0"]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AKrhKJUerU0[/ame]..............


----------



## frodo

I don't know if this is true (saw it on Facebook) but I think it probably is. Sounds like Marines to me.

AFTER FLIGHT 77 hit the Pentagon on 9/11, the following incident occurred:
A chaplain, who happened to be assigned to the Pentagon, told of an incident that never made the news. A daycare facility inside the Pentagon had many children, including infants who were in heavy cribs. The daycare supervisor, looking at all the children they needed to evacuate, was in a panic over what they could do. There were many children, mostly toddlers, as well as the infants that would need to be taken out with the cribs.

There was no time to try to bundle them into carriers and strollers. Just then a young Marine came running into the center and asked what they needed. After hearing what the center director was trying to do, he ran back out into the hallway and disappeared. The director thought, "Well, here we are, on our own."

About 2 minutes later, that Marine returned with 40 other Marines in tow. Each of them grabbed a crib with a child, and the rest started gathering up toddlers. The director and her staff then helped them take all the children out of the center and down toward the park near the Potomac.

Once they got about 3/4 of a mile outside the building, the Marines stopped in the park, and then did a fabulous thing - they formed a circle with the cribs, which were quite sturdy and heavy, like the covered wagons in the Old West. Inside this circle of cribs, they put the toddlers, to keep them from wandering off. Outside this circle were the 40 Marines, forming a perimeter around the children and waiting for instructions. There they remained until the parents could be notified and come get their children.

The chaplain then said, "I don't think any of us saw nor heard of this on any of the news stories of the day. It was an incredible story of our men there.&#8221; There wasn't a dry eye in the room. The thought of those Marines and what they did and how fast they reacted; could we expect any less from them? It was one of the most touching stories from the Pentagon. 

It's the Military, not the politicians that ensures our right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. It's the Military who salutes the flag, who serves beneath the flag, and whose coffin is draped by the flag. If you care to offer the smallest token of recognition and appreciation for the military, please pass this on and pray for our men and women, who have served and are currently serving our country, and pray for those who have given the ultimate sacrifice for freedom.


----------



## oldognewtrick

https://www.truthorfiction.com/pentagon-daycare-evac/


----------



## nealtw

[ame]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T47sHkpA_V0[/ame]


----------



## Chris

Well that was odd.


----------



## slownsteady

Not really enough info there to explain it. I see the cable, but I don't know why it was there.


----------



## oldognewtrick

slownsteady said:


> Not really enough info there to explain it. I see the cable, but I don't know why it was there.



Everything has to be somewhere...


----------



## slownsteady

Reminds me of a crash I saw once. A truck left the road and took out the traffic light - pole & all - from the median. The pole fell, of course, across the road. A car coming up behind the truck didn't see the pole (he might have been watching the truck) and rolled right over it. I don't know how he did it, as it was at as high as his bumper, but he cleared it with all four wheels. I wonder if he had to change a few parts.


----------



## bud16415

I once had a 1970 cougar and pulled a pop up camper to a campground down state. We got there ok  setup camp and then were leaving to do some site seeing. The dirt road had a high crown and on the way out right dead center was a pipe sticking up for people to empty the holding tank. I caught the pipe with a brand new muffler I had just put on and the muffler locked on the pipe in the ground and went back and jammed on the frame and made a form of a pole vault except for the whole car. We hit that thing and all hell broke loose. Engine roaring the car flew straight up about 3 feet and then came down and smashed our heads in the roof the baby flew up in the air. Days before car seats. And started crying people came running from all directions. As it ended up the muffler was folded around the axle and wouldn&#8217;t come off. I spent all day under it with a hack saw cutting the muffler in half and then we drove home 200 miles with straight pipes with cotton in our ears. When I would see a cop I would coast for a mile to get past him as it was so loud. Funny now not so much at the time.


----------



## nealtw

As I stopped at a red light I had a wheel pop off the front of a ford one time the tire went straight back under the drivers door and I was looking up then the tire popped out the side and was bouncing about 20 ft in the air. I jumped out and stopped trafic in all directions, not a good day!


----------



## nealtw

[ame]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tAMGq2eBRZc[/ame]


----------



## paulwalter163

This made my day. Thanks for the post!


----------



## CallMeVilla

A little project for the weekend??


----------



## nealtw

Hi babe,

I am sorry about getting into an argument about putting up the Christmas lights. It's just that sometimes I feel like you are pushing me too hard when you want something. I realise that I was wrong and I am apologising for being such a hard-hearted bastard. All I want is for you to be happy and be able to enjoy Christmas. Nothing brightens Christmas like Christmas lights!

I took the time to hang the lights for you today; and now I will be off to the pub.

Again, I am very sorry for the way I acted yesterday. I'll be home later.

Love you......


Her response

Hi sweetheart,

Thank you for that heartfelt apology. I don't often get an apology from you, and I truly appreciate it. I too felt bad about the argument and wanted to apologise. I realise that I can sometimes be a little pushy. I will try to respect your feelings from now on.

Thank you for taking the time to hang the Christmas lights for me. It really means a lot.

In the spirit of giving, I washed your ute for you , and now I am off shopping. See you later.

I love you too .....


----------



## frodo

the head of our FBI ??

[ame="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nB0Yt94unQ4"]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nB0Yt94unQ4[/ame]


----------



## zannej




----------



## frodo

This is FUNNY,,,This girl gets  "Spanked" 

listen at 6:28  LOL

[ame="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7yVi4D_O8AM"]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7yVi4D_O8AM[/ame]


----------



## zannej

frodo said:


> This is FUNNY,,,This girl gets  "Spanked"
> 
> listen at 6:28  LOL
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7yVi4D_O8AM


Ooh, I'll have to watch after midnight and see.

Forgot to mention that I'm not surprised that the FBI director didn't know something. Hell, back before the reorg, the commissioner of INS didn't know that Customs was not part of INS. At the time they weren't even under the same Dept. INS was under Department of Justice and Customs was under Department of Treasury. Now they have merged and both are under Homeland Security. Also, one of the commissioners of INS didn't know that Puerto Rico was part of the US. He wanted to deport all of the Puerto Ricans. 

I used to live in a Visa waiver country. Now I'm being told that I will have to get a passport if I want to fly within the US because Louisiana driver's license doesn't meet the requirements as proper ID for travel. Ah, bureaucracy!

Watched it again and daaamn. She got curbstomped on some of that. A simple yes or no question that she should have been able to answer and she came off as an idiot. Although the "that is a question for state department" is a valid and regular answer. If it is not under her department it is not her place to answer. However, she should have had the ICE info-- but then, when they reorganized they cut out a lot of essential employees and have a bottleneck in DC. The different federal agencies do not have very open communications with one another.

The KY form though... LOL.


----------



## slownsteady

Hopefully,eventually it will snow....
http://1funny.com/dogs-first-snowfall-year/


----------



## oldognewtrick

I don't care who you are, that right there was funny!:


----------



## nealtw

marys father had 5 girls LILA,LISA,LAURA,LYNN. What would the fifth name be?


----------



## slownsteady

I'll answer in a private message so i won't deprive the others of the challenge.


----------



## nealtw

Today we got finished early so I went grocery shopping. I grabbed a buggy and started in the produce dept. About half way thru the area I noticed a very elderly lady pushing her buggy towards me with a big smile on her face.
As we met, she says, " fancy meeting you here Bill"  I didn't know who she was so I just smiled at her and kept going. Half way up the next aisle, there she is again, smiling. I tried to keep my eyes away by reading packages.
Did you know they write things on toilet paper packages? Anyway as she past me she said " I have really missed you Bill. That got my attention and I looked at her but she never looked back, so I carried on. In the next aisle, there she is again but this time when she sees me she just stopped and waited until I got to her and I knew I wasn't going to get past here again so I just faced her and she said " I really have to apologize, I know you are not Bill, I just miss him so much and you look like him"  So what the hell I asked " was Bill your husband" and she answered, " Bill was the youngest and last of my three sons and I lost him to cancer last year". I tried to find something comforting to say, don't remember but we talked for a few minutes and I went to move on and she said " would you mind if we walk together, you seem like a nice man. Who are going to call, I said sure and I heard all about Bill and his brothers and how the grew up and worked and died, really pretty sad. About half way thru the store she asked, " would you humer an old lady and let me call you son" I said " sure" thinking what the hell.
So when we got to the check out I let her go first and she is making small talk with the girl at the till and says to her " isn't my son a good looking guy" I pretended I didn't here that and continued putting my things on the belt. So finally she has finished up and starts pushing her buggy away, then she turns and says " thanks a lot Bill, we'll see you later". Not to be out done I responded with " ya i'll see you later and she was gone.
Thinking more about her and this experience I hadn't even paid attention to the monitor showing thing being rung  in at the till but when  the girl was done she looks at me and says "That will be $328.32" I said "that can't be right" and she said " well that includes your mothers stuff". I looked out and saw she was still in the parking lot and I said " call security or police or someone, that B----- is not my mother". I ran out after her and by then she was at the old Caddy but by the way she was throwing bags in the trunk, that broad was not some 90 year old. Just as she headed for the drivers door a car pulled in in front of her and I thought good I do have a chance of stopping her. As she made a dash to get in she cought her foot or shoe on something so the door was still open and her left leg was still out of the car. She got it started and put it in reverse just as I got there and the door knocked me on my ***. If she turned the other way she would have run over my legs with  her front tire. As I fell iI grabbed her leg, not by choice it was just there and when she stopped I pulled her leg while yelling some profanities, but she then put it in drive and I really pulled her leg and then pulled it harder, just like I am pulling yours.


----------



## zannej

LOL! Doggies in the snow! Three of my four dogs hate cold weather and snow. The Akita mutt is a winter dog though.

LOL @ the old lady scam artist story.


----------



## frodo

Interesting story,  What do you think ?  

http://theconsentcrew.org/2015/12/12/youre-hurting-her-a-story-of-consent-in-the-santa-line/


----------



## frodo

nealtw said:


> marys father had 5 girls LILA,LISA,LAURA,LYNN. What would the fifth name be?



silver bells and cockle shells for a dollar please


----------



## nealtw

frodo said:


> Interesting story,  What do you think ?
> 
> http://theconsentcrew.org/2015/12/12/youre-hurting-her-a-story-of-consent-in-the-santa-line/



It may have felt good to the Dad and his son and likely the girl, but if mom didn't get it, it won't change the bully in the future. A little bit like vigilanty, as the little boy was the judge, jury and punisher.


----------



## frodo

nealtw said:


> It may have felt good to the Dad and his son and likely the girl, but if mom didn't get it, it won't change the bully in the future. A little bit like vigilanty, as the little boy was the judge, jury and punisher.




  interesting perspective. 

I see the boy as  defending,  not vigilanite


----------



## nealtw

frodo said:


> View attachment 10434
> interesting perspective.
> 
> I see the boy as  defending,  not vigilanite



That was the first thought I had but, if that was at school with the principal standing nearby, you want the boy to report it to an adult.


----------



## slownsteady

Conveniently, the age of the children is not mentioned. What is acceptable from six year olds is not the same as twelve year olds. This story could easily be fake.


----------



## frodo

slownsteady said:


> Conveniently, the age of the children is not mentioned. What is acceptable from six year olds is not the same as twelve year olds. This story could easily be fake.



"As others have pointed out, kids dont necessarily have the socialization we do. Violence is, frankly, more common for them. I viewed his response as measured and appropriatefor a seven year old."


7 year old,  cool story,  but a bit to adult for a 7 year old

it has to be fake


----------



## oldognewtrick

http://www.incrediblethings.com/video/everyone-poops-even-santa/


----------



## mmb617

I don't think the Santa line story is real, but if it were I don't see anything wrong with someone his own age stepping in to stop the bully.


----------



## zannej

Yeah, it sounds fabricated. I don't spend a lot of time with children, but my friend's kid is 6 and can barely even count to 10 much less have that sort of conversation. IIRC, 7 is before the age of reason-- when the part of the brain forms that gives kids more critical thinking skills. Maybe some develop early, but it strikes me as a propaganda "viral" story.

That said, I was always frustrated by double standards when I was a kid and I can't tell you how many times I heard the "boys will be boys" thing. I was annoyed in 4th grade when it was 100 degrees out and boys started taking their shirts off and I took mine off too and got told I had to put it back on but the boys didn't have to. LOL. My chest looked the same as theirs at that age so it made zero sense to me.

I also got told (by a teacher) that I wasn't allowed to play tag football with the boys at recess because I might get hurt (mostly bc the field was muddy and I slipped in a puddle and got soaked-- much to the amusement of the guy with the ball-- who got tagged bc he stopped to laugh). I thought it was fun and had a good laugh about it too, but the teacher was a spoilsport.


----------



## zannej

......


----------



## nealtw

http://wgntv.com/2015/12/23/wgn-meterologist-reporter-exchange-words-after-holiday-travel-report/


----------



## slownsteady

Seems like trash talking happens other places besides here  :beer::beer:


----------



## zannej

This list of pointlessly gendered products is funny. The commentary for each of the products is rather amusing.
http://www.buzzfeed.com/erinchack/pointlessly-gendered-products


----------



## slownsteady

> My boyfriend ate normal yogurt once and now he&#8217;s pregnant.



LOL I ate yogurt,,, once :rofl:


----------



## frodo

The Christmas rifle


Pa and The Rifle
Pa never had much compassion for the lazy or those who
squandered their means and then never had enough for the
necessities. But for those who were genuinely in need, his
heart was as big as all outdoors. It was from him that I
learned the greatest joy in life comes from giving,
not from receiving.

It was Christmas Eve 1881. I was fifteen years old and feeling
like the world had caved in on me because there just hadn't been
enough money to buy me the rifle that I'd wanted for Christmas.
We did the chores early that night for some reason. I just
figured Pa wanted a little extra time so we could read in the
Bible.

After supper was over I took my boots off and stretched out in
front of the fireplace and waited for Pa to get down the old
Bible. I was still feeling sorry for myself and, to be honest,
I wasn't in much of a mood to read Scriptures. But Pa didn't
get the Bible, instead he bundled up again and went outside.
I couldn't figure it out because we had already done all the
chores. I didn't worry about it long though, I was too busy
wallowing in self-pity.

Soon Pa came back in. It was a cold clear night out and there
was ice in his beard. "Come on, Matt," he said. "Bundle up
good, it's cold out tonight." I was really upset then. Not only
wasn't I getting the rifle for Christmas, now Pa was dragging me
out in the cold, and for no earthly reason that I could see.
We'd already done all the chores, and I couldn't think of anything
else that needed doing, especially not on a night like this.

But I knew Pa was not very patient at one dragging one's feet
when he'd told them to do something, so I got up and put my
boots back on and got my cap, coat, and mittens. Ma gave me a
mysterious smile as I opened the door to leave the house.
Something was up, but I didn't know what.

Outside, I became even more dismayed. There in front of the
house was the work team, already hitched to the big sled.
Whatever it was we were going to do wasn't going to be a short,
quick, little job. I could tell. We never hitched up this sled
unless we were going to haul a big load.

Pa was already up on the seat, reins in hand. I reluctantly
climbed up beside him. The cold was already biting at me.
I wasn't happy. When I was on, Pa pulled the sled around the
house and stopped in front of the woodshed. He got off and I
followed. "I think we'll put on the high sideboards," he said.
"Here, help me." The high sideboards! It had been a bigger job
than I wanted to do with just the low sideboards on, but
whatever it was we were going to do would be a lot bigger with
the high sideboards on.

After we had exchanged the sideboards, Pa went into the woodshed
and came out with an armload of wood---the wood I'd spent all
summer hauling down from the mountain, and then all Fall sawing
into blocks and splitting. What was he doing? Finally I said
something. "Pa," I asked, "what are you doing?" You been by
the
Widow Jensen's lately?" he asked. The Widow Jensen lived about
two miles down the road. Her husband had died a year or so
before and left her with three children, the oldest being eight.
Sure, I'd been by, but so what? "Yeah," I said, "Why?" "I
rode
by just today," Pa said. "Little Jakey was out digging around
in the woodpile trying to find a few chips. They're out of
wood, Matt."

That was all he said and then he turned and went back into the
woodshed for another armload of wood. I followed him. We
loaded the sled so high that I began to wonder if the horses
would be able to pull it. Finally, Pa called a halt to our
loading, then we went to the smoke house and Pa took down a big
ham and a side of bacon. He handed them to me and told me to
put them in the sled and wait.

When he returned he was carrying a sack of flour over his right
shoulder and a smaller sack of something in his left hand.
"What's in the little sack?" I asked. "Shoes. They're out of
shoes. Little Jakey just had gunny sacks wrapped around his
feet when he was out in the woodpile this morning. I got the
children a little candy too. It just wouldn't be Christmas
without a little candy."

We rode the two miles to Widow Jensen's pretty much in silence.
I tried to think through what Pa was doing. We didn't have much
by worldly standards. Of course, we did have a big woodpile,
though most of what was left now was still in the form of logs
that I would have to saw into blocks and split before we could
use it. We also had meat and flour, so we could spare that, but
I knew we didn't have any money, so why was Pa buying them shoes
and candy?

Really, why was he doing any of this? Widow Jensen had closer
neighbors than us; it shouldn't have been our concern. We came
in from the blind side of the Jensen house and unloaded the wood
as quietly as possible, then we took the meat and flour and
shoes to the door. We knocked. The door opened a crack and a
timid voice said, "Who is it?" "Lucas Miles, Ma'am, and my son,
Matt. Could we come in for a bit?"

Widow Jensen opened the door and let us in. She had a blanket
wrapped around her shoulders. The children were wrapped in
another and were sitting in front of the fireplace by a very
small fire that hardly gave off any heat at all. Widow Jensen
fumbled with a match and finally lit the lamp. "We brought you
a few things, Ma'am," Pa said and set down the sack of flour. I
put the meat on the table. Then Pa handed her the sack that had
the shoes in it.

She opened it hesitantly and took the shoes out one pair at a
time. There was a pair for her and one for each of the
children---sturdy shoes, the best, shoes that would last. I
watched her carefully. She bit her lower lip to keep it from
trembling and then tears filled her eyes and started running
down her cheeks. She looked up at Pa like she wanted to say
something, but it wouldn't come out.

"We brought a load of wood too, Ma'am," Pa said. He turned to
me and said, "Matt, go bring in enough to last awhile. Let's
get that fire up to size and heat this place up." I wasn't the
same person when I went back out to bring in the wood. I had a
big lump in my throat and as much as I hate to admit it, there
were tears in my eyes too.

In my mind I kept seeing those three kids huddled around the
fireplace and their mother standing there with tears running
down her cheeks with so much gratitude in her heart that she
couldn't speak. My heart swelled within me and a joy that I'd
never known before, filled my soul. I had given at Christmas
many times before, but never when it had made so much difference.
I could see we were literally saving the lives of these people.

I soon had the fire blazing and everyone's spirits soared.
The kids started giggling when Pa handed them each a piece of candy
and Widow Jensen looked on with a smile that probably hadn't
crossed her face for a long time. She finally turned to us.
"God bless you," she said. "I know the Lord has sent you.
The children and I have been praying that he would send one of his
angels to spare us."

In spite of myself, the lump returned to my throat and the tears
welled up in my eyes again. I'd never thought of Pa in those
exact terms before, but after Widow Jensen mentioned it I could
see that it was probably true. I was sure that a better man
than Pa had never walked the earth. I started remembering all
the times he had gone out of his way for Ma and me, and many
others. The list seemed endless as I thought on it.

Pa insisted that everyone try on the shoes before we left.
I was amazed when they all fit and I wondered how he had known
what sizes to get. Then I guessed that if he was on an errand
for the Lord that the Lord would make sure he got the right sizes.

Tears were running down Widow Jensen's face again when we stood
up to leave. Pa took each of the kids in his big arms and gave
them a hug. They clung to him and didn't want us to go.
I could see that they missed their Pa, and I was glad that I
still had mine.

At the door Pa turned to Widow Jensen and said, "The Mrs.
wanted me to invite you and the children over for Christmas
dinner tomorrow. The turkey will be more than the three of us
can eat, and a man can get cantankerous if he has to eat turkey
for too many meals. We'll be by to get you about eleven. It'll
be nice to have some little ones around again. Matt, here,
hasn't been little for quite a spell." I was the youngest.
My two brothers and two sisters had all married and had moved away.
Widow Jensen nodded and said, "Thank you, Brother Miles.
I don't have to say, "'May the Lord bless you,' I know for certain
that He will."

Out on the sled I felt a warmth that came from deep within and I
didn't even notice the cold. When we had gone a ways, Pa turned
to me and said, "Matt, I want you to know something. Your ma
and me have been tucking a little money away here and there all
year so we could buy that rifle for you, but we didn't have
quite enough.

Then yesterday a man who owed me a little money from years back
came by to make things square. Your ma and me were real
excited, thinking that now we could get you that rifle, and I
started into town this morning to do just that. But on the way
I saw little Jakey out scratching in the woodpile with his feet
wrapped in those gunny sacks and I knew what I had to do.
Son, I spent the money for shoes and a little candy for those
children. I hope you understand."

I understood, and my eyes became wet with tears again.
I understood very well, and I was so glad Pa had done it.
Now the rifle seemed very low on my list of priorities. Pa had
given me a lot more. He had given me the look on Widow Jensen's
face and the radiant smiles of her three children.

For the rest of my life, Whenever I saw any of the Jensen's, or
split a block of wood, I remembered, and remembering brought
back that same joy I felt riding home beside Pa that night.
Pa had given me much more than a rifle that night, he had given
me the best Christmas of my life.
~by Rian B. Anderson


----------



## Chris

Only in Los Angeles. Will you find used G string and a dead dog in the gutter in the front of busy businesses and no one cares. This place is ghetto.

View attachment ImageUploadedByHome Repair1451012211.748472.jpg


----------



## havasu

How fresh was the g string?


----------



## Chris

I didn't do a taste test but by the smell maybe a day or two.


----------



## havasu

Good lord. We are a sick bunch!

Merry Christmas Chris!


----------



## slownsteady

As long as it didn't need carbon dating, it is considered fresh.


----------



## zannej

Cute little thing about a guy judging a chili contest
http://www.tickld.com/x/jaw/man-gets-selected-to-be-a-judge-at-a-cook-out-hilarious


----------



## nealtw

zannej said:


> Cute little thing about a guy judging a chili contest
> http://www.tickld.com/x/jaw/man-gets-selected-to-be-a-judge-at-a-cook-out-hilarious



That would be me...


----------



## frodo

............


----------



## frodo

he lady was a southern woman who attended church services and taught Sunday School every week. 

One Sunday, an out of town acquaintance, a gentleman, was in the pew right behind her. He noted what a fine looking woman she was. 

While they were taking up the collection, the man leaned forward and said, &#8220;How about you and I having dinner on Tuesday?&#8221; 

&#8220;Why yes, that would be nice&#8221;, the lady responded. 

Well, the gentleman couldn&#8217;t believe his luck. 

On Tuesday he picked the lady up and took her to the finest restaurant in town. When they sat down, the gentleman looked over at her and suggested, &#8220;Would you like a cocktail before dinner?&#8221; 

&#8220;Oh, no,&#8221; said the fine example of southern womanhood. &#8220;What ever would I tell my Sunday School class?&#8221; 

Well, the gentleman was set back a bit, so he didn&#8217;t say much until after dinner, when he pulled out a pack of cigarettes and asked, &#8220;Would you like a smoke?&#8221; 

&#8220;Oh my goodness no,&#8221; said the woman. &#8220;I couldn&#8217;t face my Sunday School class if I did!&#8221; 

Well, the man felt pretty low after that, so they left and got into his car. As he was driving the lady home, they passed the local Holiday Inn. He&#8217;d been morally rebuffed twice already, so he figured he had nothing to lose so he ventured forth with, &#8220;Ahhh, hhhhmmmm, how would you like to stop at this motel?&#8221; 

&#8220;Sure, that would be nice,&#8221; she said in anticipation. 

The gentleman couldn&#8217;t believe his ears. He did a fast u-turn right then and there, drove back to the motel and checked in! 

The next morning, after a wild and passionate night of the most incredible lovemaking imaginable, the gentleman awoke first. He looked at the lovely Dixie darlin&#8217; lying there in the bed and with remorse thought, &#8220;What have I done?&#8221; 

He shook her awake and pleaded, &#8220;I&#8217;ve got to ask you one thing, whatever are you going to tell your Sunday School class?&#8221; 

The lady said, &#8220;The same thing I always tell them, &#8216;You don&#8217;t have to smoke and drink to have a good time.&#8217;&#8221;


----------



## nealtw

The Pfizer Corporation announced today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid form and this new product will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer. 


It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one.  Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink, and it gives new meaning to the names of cocktails, highballs and just a good old-fashioned stiff drink. Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name of:  MOUNT & DO.

Thought for the day...There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2025, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs, huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.


----------



## havasu

Hell, I'm there now! :rofl:


----------



## oldognewtrick

..........


----------



## zannej

..............................


----------



## slownsteady

check out this guy......
https://youtu.be/Ok5d8nXAngw


----------



## oldognewtrick

slownsteady said:


> check out this guy......
> https://youtu.be/Ok5d8nXAngw



I watched it twice, Thunderstruck by AC/DC was even better.


----------



## slownsteady

Yeah. Just found him last night; already a fan. He has chops. And some interesting technique. I'm glad I saw the video, because I would not have realized how he was playing it.


----------



## nealtw

[ame]http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x20yzzh_car-crashes-compilation_auto[/ame]


----------



## bud16415

Amazing. Just watched all his YouTube vids will watch again tonight with the surround sound.


----------



## oldognewtrick

..........


----------



## nealtw

oldognewtrick said:


> ..........



Does that mean I shouldn't respond before you talk.:agree:


----------



## oldognewtrick

nealtw said:


> Does that mean I shouldn't respond before you talk.:agree:



At the end of the day, does it really matter?


----------



## nealtw

oldognewtrick said:


> At the end of the day, does it really matter?



It won't if I am not listening anyway.


----------



## oldognewtrick

nealtw said:


> It won't if I am not listening anyway.



You never do, I'd be worried if you started now...


----------



## nealtw

Are those fighting words..... I'll have to talk to inspector. you'll be sorry.


----------



## oldognewtrick

nealtw said:


> Are those fighting words..... I'll have to talk to inspector. you'll be sorry.



He's to busy knitting his new winter shawl to be bothered with us.....:rofl:


----------



## oldognewtrick

nealtw said:


> Are those fighting words..... I'll have to talk to inspector. you'll be sorry.



Besides, he doesn't scare me... I have incriminating pics of him in his pixie outfit.


----------



## nealtw

OK then I'll just tell your mom she like me better anyway.


----------



## frodo

IN OTHER NEWS: Donald Trump is going the Fair this weekend to massive crowds....Not to be out done Hillary decided to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons, nor prior experience. She mounts the horse without help, and the horse immediately springs into motion.
It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but Hillary begins to slide from the saddle. In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the horse's side anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly oblivious to its slipping rider.
Finally, giving up her frail grip, Hillary attempts to leap away from the horse and throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup, she is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground over and over.
As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousness when to her great fortune Frank, the Walmart greeter, sees her dilemma and unplugs the horse.


----------



## Chris

Found the deer I didn't get this season.

View attachment ImageUploadedByHome Repair1452360602.870858.jpg


----------



## bud16415

Haha that&#8217;s what it looks like ever 50 feet come spring around here when the snow starts melting along the main roads.


----------



## zannej

That's a mental image I didn't need.


----------



## slownsteady

Oh man! maybe marvel was *way* ahead of it's time....

ps. I love the look on Aquaman's face.....:rofl:


----------



## zannej

slownsteady said:


> Oh man! maybe marvel was *way* ahead of it's time....
> 
> ps. I love the look on Aquaman's face.....:rofl:



LOL. You mean Captain America? Aquaman is in DC (he has blonde hair and wears yellow and green). The Marvel version of Aquaman is Namor. I *think* he was in the X-Factor comics-- I used to read X-Men, X-Factor, and Spiderman about 20 years ago. I started boycotting Marvel when they killed Multiple Man.

Anyway, saw this and laughed pretty hard:
[ame]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YbYWhdLO43Q[/ame]
http://www.houserepairtalk.com//www.pinterest.com/pin/create/extension/


----------



## Blue Jay

Anyone want to participate in this. Perhaps we could sell tickets!


----------



## glock26USMC

Had to do it  

View attachment 1453167814140.jpg


----------



## frodo

here is some news from the networks

The Beast Of billery has been slain,   Its over, all that is left is for her to make the announcement


----------



## frodo

http://science.howstuffworks.com/firearms-quiz.htm?mkcpgn=i600001108&utm_source=outbrain&utm_medium=paid&utm_campaign=Firearms(desktop)&utm_term=5396235&utm_content=The+Ultimate+Firearms+Quiz


----------



## nealtw

23, you didn't tell us how you did.


----------



## zannej




----------



## bud16415

18 out of 30 Neal beat me


----------



## frodo

25 out of 30,  some were tough


----------



## havasu

I scored a 24. Damn, I need to brush up.


----------



## nealtw

My score was more about figuring the pattern of multiple choice than having answers.


----------



## bud16415

nealtw said:


> My score was more about figuring the pattern of multiple choice than having answers.



I got zero out of 100 one time on a true or false test. The teacher called my parents and asked if they knew just how hard that was to do?


----------



## slownsteady

22. not bad for a city kid.


----------



## nealtw

slownsteady said:


> 22. not bad for a city kid.



city kid, I watched a friend clean his hunting rifle one time, that is about as close as I have ever been to a gun.


----------



## nealtw

bud16415 said:


> I got zero out of 100 one time on a true or false test. The teacher called my parents and asked if they knew just how hard that was to do?



I figured out why I never did good in school. I couldn't teach the teachers anything.


----------



## oldognewtrick

nealtw said:


> city kid, I watched a friend clean his hunting rifle one time, that is about as close as I have ever been to a gun.



You need to stop by someday and change that position.


----------



## slownsteady

Years ago, the wife & I (as newlyweds) took a vacation in the poconos. Looking for something interesting to do, we went to a range to shoot some skeet. The place also had a range, and for the price of some ammo, they had a bunch of weapons to  try. I can't remember everything I shot that day but it ranged from a 38 special to an AR15. Oh yeah, I remember the 44 Magnum  too.


----------



## nealtw

oldognewtrick said:


> You need to stop by someday and change that position.



Just another place to spend money. I think I understand that it is somewhat like cars, we all want a nice one or maybe just better than the guy next door, but to me it is just another tax.


----------



## bud16415

nealtw said:


> city kid, I watched a friend clean his hunting rifle one time, that is about as close as I have ever been to a gun.



How about a nail gun?


----------



## oldognewtrick

There's always places to spend money.


----------



## bud16415

[ame]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4kU0XCVey_U[/ame]

[ame]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hgd2F2QNfEE[/ame]


----------



## frodo

now i'm curious cause your curious,  what we curious about ? 

like standing in a crowd looking up.


----------



## zannej




----------



## frodo

.....................


----------



## nealtw

Back on January 9th, a group of Wadesboro , North Carolina bikers were riding east on Hwy.74 when they saw a girl about to jump off the Pee Dee River Bridge. 

So they stopped.

George, their leader, a big burly man of 53, gets off his Harley, walks through a group of gawkers, past the State Trooper who was trying to talk her down off the railing, and says, "Hey Baby.....whatcha doin' up there on that railin'?" 

She says tearfully, "I'm going to commit suicide!!"

While he didn't want to appear too "insensitive," George also didn't want to miss this "be-a-legend" opportunity either so he asked ..."Well, before you jump, Honey-Babe...why don't you give ol' George 
here your best last kiss?"

So with no hesitation at all, she leaned back over the railing and did just that ...and it was a long, deep, lingering kiss followed immediately by another 
even better one. After they breathlessly finished, George gets a big thumbs-up approval from his biker-buddies, the onlookers, and even the State Trooper, and then says, "Wow! That was the best kiss I have 
ever had! That's a real talent you're wasting there, Sugar Shorts. You could be famous if you rode with me. Why are you committing suicide?"


"My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl."

...It's still unclear whether he jumped or was pushed.


----------



## nealtw

https://www.youtube.com/embed/Ri2BG2qOvCg?feature=player_detailpage


----------



## bud16415

nealtw said:


> https://www.youtube.com/embed/Ri2BG2qOvCg?feature=player_detailpage



The last great car made in Canada was the 1959 Simca now we have the Zenn. 

They kind of look the same.


----------



## nealtw

That was made by GM
I think the McLaughlin was before GM bought it and called it a Buick.


----------



## bud16415

nealtw said:


> That was made by GM
> I think the McLaughlin was before GM bought it and called it a Buick.



Could be my dad had a Simca and always told me it was made in Canada. It had a city horn and a country horn, I thought that was cool. He washed the car once a week and used kerosene instead of water. It was the shiniest car in town till we went down a dirt road. That car never had a spot of rust though


----------



## slownsteady

"a week's worth of groceries...." LOL!
Any idea if it's a good winter car?


----------



## nealtw

slownsteady said:


> "a week's worth of groceries...." LOL!
> Any idea if it's a good winter car?



A friend sent me that today, first I heard of it.


----------



## slownsteady

best kept secret in Canada??


----------



## bud16415

slownsteady said:


> "a week's worth of groceries...." LOL!
> Any idea if it's a good winter car?



With a dozen cases of beer in the back and rear wheel drive I bet it goes good in the snow. What do you do for heat is the big question.  

This carbon footprint stuff is nutty. Its ok you are driving around with no footprint but the guy making the electric is paying thru the nose for his footprint, and will be passing it on because thats how it works. Road tax is hidden in fuel costs but when you plug into your 120v outlet it thinks you are a toaster not a car. To top it off they cant keep up with the power demand as it is but cant wait to dump all the transportation on top of it. The trouble with wind and solar is where it is windy and sunny people dont live. Put it in the grid and run it to the people and resistance eats it up. So they want super high voltage transmission lines across the country and all the states along the way say whats in it for us? By the time you pay everyone off for wrecking their views nothing is saved even if they will let you build the line.


----------



## nealtw

bud16415 said:


> With a dozen cases of beer in the back and rear wheel drive I bet it goes good in the snow. What do you do for heat is the big question.
> 
> This carbon footprint stuff is nutty. Its ok you are driving around with no footprint but the guy making the electric is paying thru the nose for his footprint, and will be passing it on because thats how it works. Road tax is hidden in fuel costs but when you plug into your 120v outlet it thinks you are a toaster not a car. To top it off they cant keep up with the power demand as it is but cant wait to dump all the transportation on top of it. The trouble with wind and solar is where it is windy and sunny people dont live. Put it in the grid and run it to the people and resistance eats it up. So they want super high voltage transmission lines across the country and all the states along the way say whats in it for us? By the time you pay everyone off for wrecking their views nothing is saved even if they will let you build the line.



I agree, burn coal to make electricity or hydrogen kinda defeats the foot print idea. The fight about transmission lines was lost 100 years ago but new lines where no one lives.


----------



## oldognewtrick

I'll bet the carbon footprint on this place is really small. _Moore_ amusing is who's house it is. For sale if you're interested.

https://www.google.com/search?q=mic...44WNQSYpM:&usg=__X2gkgCtlVvZdk5RD30txg391FQg=


----------



## slownsteady

trust a carpenter to cross-thread something : This thread, post #4 :  http://www.houserepairtalk.com/showthread.php?t=20043


----------



## Chris

The world was better off before media and Internet.


----------



## nealtw

I guess it already died.


That&#8217;s because the now-defunct (from making cars at least) ZENN Motors, which ceased production of its low-speed electric vehicles back in 2010, has decided to no longer provide parts or to service the electric vehicles it sold.


----------



## frodo

you get it?


----------



## frodo

I always wondered where budweiser REALLY came from.....


----------



## nealtw

frodo said:


> I always wondered where budweiser REALLY came from.....



Well, we know where it goes.


----------



## bud16415

frodo said:


> you get it?



Those are not plumb or level.


----------



## zannej




----------



## slownsteady

shear genius!


----------



## bobpearce

lol some are brilliant!


----------



## bud16415

zannej said:


>



Love it and i know just the guy to send it to. :rofl:


----------



## zannej

This one cracked me up because I like Queen and I have a Ridgeline.
[ame]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kTaCT8ZmdJA[/ame]


----------



## nealtw

[ame]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-lmw0d6S6jU[/ame]


----------



## frodo

..............................


----------



## frodo

.....................................


----------



## nealtw

: 

Once upon a time there was a king who wanted to go fishing. He called the royal weather forecaster and inquired as to the weather forecast for the next few hours. The weatherman assured him that there was no chance of rain in the coming days.



So the king went fishing with his wife, the queen. On the way he met a farmer on his donkey. Upon seeing the king the farmer said, "Your Majesty, you should return to the palace at once because in just a short time I expect a huge amount of rain to fall in this area".



The king was polite and considerate, he replied: "I hold the palace meteorologist in high regard. He is an extensively educated and experienced professional.  And besides, I pay him very high wages. He gave me a very different forecast. I trust him and I will continue on my way."



So he continued on his way. However, a short time later a torrential rain fell from the sky.  The King and Queen were totally soaked and their entourage chuckled upon seeing them in such a shameful condition.



Furious, the king returned to the palace and gave the order to fire the professional. Then he summoned the farmer and offered him the prestigious and high paying role of royal forecaster.



The farmer said, "Your Majesty, I do not know anything about forecasting.  I obtain my information from my donkey. If I see my donkey's ears drooping, it means with certainty that it will rain."



So the king hired the donkey. And thus began the practice of hiring dumb asses to work in the government and occupy its highest and most influential positions a practice unbroken to this day.


----------



## frodo

Benny Pointer written by John Pointer 

Yesterday was a weird day. I couldn't get myself out of bed. The guy I live with lifted me up. I tried to get my legs under me, but they wouldn't cooperate. He said, "Don't worry, I gotcha buddy," carried me downstairs, and out the front door. That was so nice of him. I needed to pee so badly, I just had to go right there where he put me down. Normally I wouldn't, but we both decided to make an exception to the rule.
I started walking down the parking lot toward that place where all the dogs like me go to poop. I felt my paws dragging on the ground. "How strange," I thought. Then suddenly, I just had to go, really badly. In the middle of the parking lot. Normally, I wouldn't do that. It's against the rules.
My person cleaned up the mess. He's good at that. I felt embarrassed, looked at him, and he said, "Want to keep walking, buddy?" I did, but it was surprisingly tough. By the time we reached the end of the parking lot, my head was spinning. I tried to climb the little hill, and nearly fell over. I couldn't figure out what was going on.
He reached down again, and ran his hands over me. That felt good. He picked me up, and carried me home. I was still confused, and my head was light, but I was glad not to have to walk all the way back. It suddenly seemed like an impossible distance.
I was so glad to lay down on my bed. My person petted me, saying, "I gotcha covered, buddy. I gotcha." I love the way that makes me feel. I know he does. He makes everything better.
He felt my paws, and pulled up my lip. He said, "Oh buddy, are you cold?" I was. My face was cold, my paws were cold. He texted a few people, and came back to pet me.
A few minutes later, another person arrived. He's one of my favorites, and his name is Jay. He petted me, and said to my person, "Do you want to get a blanket?" They put a blanket over me, and wow... that felt good. I relaxed, and they both petted me, but they both started to choke back tears.
I never want them to cry, it breaks my heart. It's my job to make them feel better, and I was just a little tired, and cold. I drifted in and out of sleep, and they were always there, making sure I was okay, and chatting with each other.
Throughout the day, my person made some phone calls, and spent a lot of time with me. I heard him say, "9 am tomorrow... ok... yes... I'll tell you if anything changes. Thank you Dr. MacDonald." He called someone else, and said, "I'm sorry, I have to cancel tonight." Then as I was drifting off to sleep, I think I heard him cry a little again.
In the evening, more of my favorite people came by. They were all so loving. I licked their tears away when they would get close enough to my face. They whispered sweet things in my ear, and told me I was a good boy. 
Later in the evening, I felt well enough to stand up and walk to the door to see who was coming in. It was more exhausting than I'd remembered it being, but I loved seeing them all. I heard my person say something like, "That's the first time he's gotten up under his own power today." Everyone seemed glad that I was out of bed. I was too, but wow... after the excitement wore off, it was so exhausting to move around.
After the last visitor left, my person took me outside to do what he called, "my business." We went back inside and when we reached the bottom of the stairs, they looked twice as steep and ten times as long as I remembered them being. I looked at my person, and he looked at me. He said, "Don't worry, I gotcha buddy," and carried me up.
Then it got even better! Instead of sleeping in my bed, he called me up to sleep on *his* bed. Let me repeat: *I got to sleep in the bed with my person!* We normally have our own beds, but last night we snuggled, and it felt so good to be that close to him. I thought, "This is where I belong. I will never leave his side." I didn't feel very well though, and it was hard to breathe sometimes.
It seems like it started a few months ago. We were playing fetch and I just blacked out. I don't know what happened, but I think I stopped breathing. I could hear my person calling my name. I couldn't move a muscle. He lifted my head, and looked into my eyes. I could see him right there, but couldn't lick his face. He said, "Benny, are you in there?" I couldn't respond. He looked at me, and said, "Don't worry buddy, I gotcha. I gotcha covered." I started to spin into darkness, but then my lungs took in a deep breath, and I could see again.
We went to see some doctors, and since then I've heard a lot of words like, "cardiomyopathy," "cancer," and, "kidney failure." All i know is that sometimes I feel okay, and sometimes... you know... I just don't. My person gives me pills.
This morning, I heard my person get up and take a shower. He came back in the room, and smelled so nice. He helped me get up, but this time, I could do it on my own. We got to the top of the stairs, and wow... they looked long and steep again. He said, "I gotcha buddy," and carried me down. I did my business, and we came back inside. He opened a can, a really, really delicious can of wet dog food. Oh man... I love that stuff!
Jay showed up again. What a nice surprise! He and my person seemed concerned, but everyone was petting me. It seemed a little like a play, where all the actors were sad, but pretending to be happy. Pretty soon after that, another person showed up. She was wearing doctor pants, and I leaned on her.
I heard them talk. Everyone looked at my gums, and felt my paws. I heard the doctor pants lady say, "It's your decision, but he's definitely in that window. I don't want to push you, but looking at his lack of color, I am honestly shocked he's even standing up. In addition to the paws and jowls, look here..." she pointed at my face, "This should be pink. It's almost white, and verging toward yellow."
My person and Jay went inside to talk about something. When they came back out, I heard my person say, "I agree. I don't want to wait till he's in absolute agony." So we went inside. Truth be told, I was feeling pretty badly, even though I was up and walking. It seemed like my whole head was cold, my paws were freezing, and my back legs weren't working right.
The doctor pants lady said, "I'll just put this into his muscle. It's a sedative. Then I'll come back over here, and you can just love on him till he's asleep." My person kissed my face, and looked in my eyes. He was trying not to cry. Doctor pants lady gave me a shot of something in the leg. I just looked at my person. He is so awesome. I will always be right by his side.
He and Jay petted me, and said the nicest things - what a good dog I am, what a good job I've done, how thankful they are to have me in their lives. After a while, my mind started buzzing. FOCUS! I looked back at my person. I love him so much.
I drifted again. FOCUS! I can see my person. I love him so much. I will always be right by his side. He knows that. Am I sleepy? FOCUS! I'll always look at him with my whole heart...
Doctor pants lady said, "He must have an incredible will to stay with you. He is really powering through. That's impressive." My person choked back tears and said, "I know. This guy lives for me. He is the most devoted soul I've ever met..." We put our heads together, and closed our eyes. I felt good. I can't really describe it. We looked at each other again. I just felt like riding that buzz, but maybe lying down was better. My person helped me down. Man, that felt gooooooood.
I felt him and Jay petting me, and heard them talking to me. They love me so much. How lucky am I? Then I felt thousands of hands petting me. Everyone I'd ever known and loved was there, petting me, scratching my ears, and that spot under my collar that makes my leg move. Everyone should try this. It's just amazing!
Then I felt the doctor pants lady touch my leg. Did I tell you that my person had to have both of my knees repaired? They're titanium, and have served me well, but you know... I've been feeling a little creaky lately.
With everyone petting me, the doctor pants lady put another needle in my leg, but this time, as the fluid went in, my legs were healed! My knees were perfect! And as I felt it move through my body, my cancer disappeared! And then my kidneys felt better! And finally, even my heart was whole, and healthy! I felt like I had sprung away from all of my sickness. Amazing!
I saw my person, and Jay, and the lady who lives at our house, Shelly. They seemed to be huddling over something. I walked over to look. It seemed like... I don't know. It kind of looked like me, but the way I looked when I was feeling really sick, or exhausted. The face was blurred out, so I couldn't really tell, but that poor guy looked like he had been suffering.
I could tell my person was both relieved and very, very sad. I love him so much. I looked at that me-shaped shell, and I looked at him... I think he was sad about that shell. I jumped around the room, like a clown, but it seemed like they wanted to be somber, and focus on whatever that thing was they were petting and kissing.
But my person was definitely sad. I leaned on him, like I've done a million times before, but it wasn't quite the same. It felt like his body was a cloud and I passed right through him. So I walked up next to him, sat like a good boy, and my heart whispered to his, "Don't worry, buddy. I gotcha covered."
I will never leave his side. He knows that.


----------



## slownsteady

Touching. I had to put one dog down last April, and my cat in October. I got one dog left but she is up around ten years, and I know that one day, well, it's going to be _that_ sad.


----------



## frodo

slownsteady said:


> Touching. I had to put one dog down last April, and my cat in October. I got one dog left but she is up around ten years, and I know that one day, well, it's going to be _that_ sad.





i lost my cat of 14 years last month,,he was my buddy


----------



## nealtw

When stairs are to hard to figure out.


----------



## bud16415

Combo deck and playground cool. How do they drill the holes thru the rocks to attach?


----------



## nealtw

bud16415 said:


> Combo deck and playground cool. How do they drill the holes thru the rocks to attach?



They are standard stuff for climbing walls, you buy them.


----------



## nealtw

http://www.mec.ca/product/5037-875/..._b2Aj_2l0HP-qL378oaXe5ofxPGaHDQvothoCSyzw_wcB


----------



## bud16415

nealtw said:


> They are standard stuff for climbing walls, you buy them.



Rocks with screw holes what will they think of next.


----------



## nealtw

A  Muslim was sitting next to Paddy on a plane. Paddy ordered a whisky. The  stewardess asked the Muslim if he'd like a drink.  He replied in disgust "I'd rather be raped by a dozen *****s than let liquor touch my lips!"

 Paddy handed his drink back and said "Me too, I didn't know we had a  choice!"


----------



## zannej




----------



## Underdog

You gotta brie kidding me...


----------



## nealtw

A man and his dog were walking along a road.
The man was enjoying the scenery, 
when it suddenly occurred to him that he was dead.

He remembered dying, and that the dog walking beside him had been dead for years.
He wondered where the road was leading them.

After a while, they came to a high, white stone wall along one side of the road.

It looked like fine marble..

At the top of a long hill, it was broken by a tall arch that glowed in the sunlight.

When he was standing before it, he saw a magnificent gate in the arch that looked like mother-of-pearl, and the street that led to the gate looked like pure gold.

He and the dog walked toward the gate, and as he got closer, he saw a man at a desk to one side.




When he was close enough, he called out, 'Excuse me, where are we?' 

'This is Heaven, sir,' the man answered.

'Wow! Would you happen to have some water?' the man asked.

'Of course, sir. Come right in, and I'll have some ice water brought right up.'

The man gestured, and the gate began to open. 'Can my friend,' gesturing toward his dog, 'come in, too?' the traveller asked.

'I'm sorry, sir, but we don't accept pets.'

The man thought a moment and then turned back toward the road and continued the way he had been going with his dog.

After another long walk, and at the top of another long hill, he came to a dirt road leading through a farm gate that looked as if it had never been closed. 

There was no fence.

As he approached the gate, he saw a man inside, leaning against a tree and reading a book....




'Excuse me!' he called to the man. 'Do you have any water?'

'Yeah, sure, there's a pump over there, come on in.'

'How about my friend here?' the traveler gestured to the dog.

'There should be a bowl by the pump,' said the man.

They went through the gate, and sure enough, there was an old-fashioned hand pump with a bowl beside it.

The traveler filled the water bowl and took a long drink himself, then he gave some to the dog.

When they were full, he and the dog walked back toward the man who was standing by the tree.

'What do you call this place?' the traveler asked. 

'This is Heaven,' he answered.

'Well, that's confusing,' the traveler said.

'The man down the road said that was Heaven, too.'

'Oh, you mean the place with the gold street and pearly gates? Nope. That's hell.'

'Doesn't it make you mad for them to use your name like that?'

'No, we're just happy that they screen out the folks who would leave their best friends behind.'


----------



## oldognewtrick

That was a script for an old episode of The Twilight Zone, back when TV was still black and white.


----------



## oldognewtrick

http://safeshare.tv/w/LEFEsQlbSI


----------



## nealtw

freeloader


----------



## nealtw

WOW!!!  She is Justifiably angry.







Jeff Smith, a Senator from Quebec calls senior citizens the Greediest Generation as he compared "Social Security " to a Milk Cow with over a million teats.

Here's a response in a letter from Patty Johnstone in Ontario...I think she is a little ticked off! She also tells

it like it is!



Oh sooo true! "Hey Jeff, let's get a few things straight!



1. As a career politician, you have been on the public dole (tit) for FIFTY YEARS.

2. I have been paying CPP & OHIP for 48 YEARS (since I was 15 years old. I am now 63).

3. My Canada Pension payments, and those of millions of other Canadians, were safely tucked

away in an interest bearing account for decades until you political pukes decided to raid the account

and give OUR money to a bunch of zero losers in return for votes, thus bankrupting the system and

turning Social Security into a Ponzi scheme that would make Bernie Madoff proud.

4. Recently, just like Lucy & Charlie Brown, you and "your ilk" pulled the proverbial football away

from millions of Canadian seniors nearing retirement and moved the goalposts for full retirement from

age 65 to age, 67. NOW, you and your "shill commission" are proposing to move the goalposts YET AGAIN (this time to nearly age 72!).

5. I, and millions of other Canadians, have been paying into CPP from Day One, and now you "morons"

propose to change the rules of the game. Why? Because you "idiots" mismanaged other parts of

the economy to such an extent that you need to steal OUR money from the CCP to pay the bills.

6. I, and millions of other Canadians, have been paying income taxes our entire lives, and now you

propose to increase our taxes yet again. Why? Because you "incompetent bastards" spent our

money so profligately that you just kept on spending even after you ran out of money. Now, you come

to the Canadian taxpayers and say you need more to pay off YOUR debt.



To add insult to injury, you label us "greedy" for calling "bull****" to your incompetence.

Well, Captain Bull****, I have a few questions for YOU:

1. How much money have you earned from the Canadian taxpayers during your pathetic 50-year

political career?

2. At what age did you retire from your pathetic political career, and how much are you receiving

in annual retirement benefits from the Canadian taxpayers?

3. How much do you pay for YOUR government provided health insurance?

4. What cuts in YOUR retirement and healthcare benefits are you proposing in your disgusting deficit reduction proposal, or as usual, have you exempted yourself and your political cronies?

It is you, Captain Bull****, and your political co-conspirators called Parliament who are the

"greedy" ones. It is you and your fellow nutcase thieves who have bankrupted the Canadian Pension and stolen the Canadian dream from millions of loyal, patriotic taxpayers.



And for what? Votes and your job and retirement security at our expense, you lunk-headed, leech.

That's right, sir. You and yours have bankrupted our benefits for the sole purpose of advancing your

pathetic, political careers. You know it, we know it, and now you know that we know it.

And you can take that to the bank, you arrogant son of a bitch. And NO, I didn't stutter!

P.S. And stop calling CPP "entitlements". WHAT AN INSULT!!!!

I have been paying in to the CPP system for years. "It's my money"- give it back to me the way the

system was designed and stop patting yourself on the back like you are being generous by doling

out these monthly checks.



EVERYONE!!!    If you like the way things are in Canada all you have to do is delete this.

If you agree with what this Ontario citizen says, please PASS IT ON!!!

 Better oil up your backside as this is just the start.


----------



## havasu

Where is this Canada you speak of?


----------



## oldognewtrick

havasu said:


> Where is this Canada you speak of?



Its where bacon comes from...


----------



## nealtw

oldognewtrick said:


> Its where bacon comes from...



Are calling us pigs?


----------



## oldognewtrick

Bacon is the Holy Grail of comfort foods.


----------



## havasu

I was looking at a cruise from San Diego to Banff, Canada this morning. I thought, that would be one hell of a cruise, then realized...wait a minute, that is what, 400 miles inland? (I later read that it was a 7 day cruise and a 5 day land (rail and bus) tour. Seems like a great trip.


----------



## nealtw

Is that why Jews don't eat it.


----------



## nealtw

havasu said:


> I was looking at a cruise from San Diego to Banff, Canada this morning. I thought, that would be one hell of a cruise, then realized...wait a minute, that is what, 400 miles inland? (I later read that it was a 7 day cruise and a 5 day land (rail and bus) tour. Seems like a great trip.



Train, cheaper to buy a car. But lots to look at. I'll moon the train when you go by.


----------



## havasu

Yeah, the train is a very expensive addition, but well worth it IMHO.


----------



## nealtw

Really neat when you look down out the window and there aint nothing there but view.


----------



## zannej

LOL. I've ridden on a train before. It sucked. At least in a car you can stop and get out pretty much when you want. A trip where you are stuck somewhere is like my personal hell. Knowing my luck there would be bratty children along. Ones that like to shriek and kick people's seats.

I'm channeling Grumpy Cat right now.


----------



## nealtw

...................


----------



## nealtw

http://neave.com/strobe/


----------



## Mr_David

New Old guy here. Blame it on FRODO.


----------



## nealtw

Mr_David said:


> New Old guy here. Blame it on FRODO.



Any friend of frodo, well, will be on the watch list.:trophy:


----------



## zannej

The train thing reminded me-- my father used to be in the Border Patrol and part of his job was to jump on and off moving trains to check out the train cars for illegal aliens. If he found them, he would contact the conductor and tell him to stop the train. If they refused, he would get between train cars and kick the line (a brake line I'm guessing) to make the train stop. If the train got stopped that way, it would take a few hours to get it operational again. Also, he would wait at train stops in the bushes and jump out and go "RAHR!" and make people pee themselves.

Love that pic, Mr_David!


----------



## frodo

..................


----------



## frodo

.............


----------



## Chris

Hi there David! I believe I know you from somewhere? Are you going to tds this year? I'm leaving today after work.


----------



## oldognewtrick

Mr_David said:


> New Old guy here. Blame it on FRODO.



We blame a lot of things on Frodo, sometimes he deserves it. But,  anyway!


----------



## bud16415

nealtw said:


> ...................



Only on the left coast would a tradition of mooning a train go on for 33 years. Around here you would have 3rd degree frost bite.


----------



## frodo

Might as well blame me.  if i did not do it today.  i probably did it last week


----------



## frodo

http://www.popularmechanics.com/flight/drones/a19633/antelope-attacks-drone/


----------



## zannej

LOL!
I love that on one of the popularmechanics linked articles, the chimp took the drone out with a stick.

Looks like the guy shouldn't have sent his drone where the deer and the antelope slay.


----------



## slownsteady

Oil Change instructions for Women:

1. Pull up to Dealership when the mileage reaches 5,000
miles since the last oil change.

2. Relax in the waiting room while enjoying a cup of
coffee.

3. 15 minutes later, scan debit card and leave, driving a
properly maintained vehicle.

Money spent:
Oil Change:$24.00
Coffee: Complementary
TOTAL: $24.00


Oil Change instructions for Men:

1. Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a
case of oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a
scented tree, and use your debit card for $50.00.

2. Stop to buy a case of beer, (debit $24), drive home.

3. Open a beer and drink it.

4. Jack truck up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.

5. Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.

6.. In frustration, open another beer and drink it.

7. Place drain pan under engine.

8. Look for 9/16 box end wrench.

9. Give up and use crescent wrench.

10. Unscrew drain plug.

11. Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you
in process. Cuss.

12. Crawl out from under truck to wipe hot oil off of face
and arms. Throw kitty litter on spilled oil.

13. Have another beer while watching oil drain.

14. Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.

15. Give up; crawl under truck and hammer a screwdriver
through oil filter and twist off.

16. Crawl out from under truck with dripping oil filter
splashing oil everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil
filter among trash in trash can to avoid environmental
penalties. Drink a beer.

17. Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat
of oil to gasket surface.

18. Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.

19. Remember drain plug from step 11.

20. Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.

21. Drink beer.

22. Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the
floor. Throw kitty litter on oil spill.

23. Get drain plug back in with only a minor spill. Drink
beer.

24. Crawl under truck getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe
eyes with oily rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with
stupid crescent wrench tightening drain plug and bang
knuckles on frame removing any excess skin between knuckles
and frame.

25. Begin cussing fit.

26. Throw stupid crescent wrench.

27. Cuss for additional 5 minutes because wrench hit truck
and left dent.

28. Beer.

29. Clean up hands and bandage as required to stop blood
flow.

30. Beer.

31. Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.

32. Beer.

33. Lower truck from jack stands.

34. Move truck back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil
spilled during any missed steps.

35. Beer.

36. Test drive truck.

37. Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the
influence.

38. Truck gets impounded.
39. Call loving wife, make bail.

40. 12 hours later, get truck from impound yard.

Money spent:
Parts: $50.00
DUI: $2,500.00
Impound fee: $75.00
Bail: $1,500.00
Beer: $20.00
TOTAL: $4,145.00

But you know the job was done right!


----------



## bud16415

I have firsthand experience with about half of those steps. But I have several equally amusing stories about taking my car in for oil change.


----------



## Chris

I haven't done my own oil change in years. Mainly because this is California and good luck getting rid of used oil.


----------



## frodo

Chris said:


> I haven't done my own oil change in years. Mainly because this is California and good luck getting rid of used oil.


me neither,  its to easy to have them do it,  besides, they vacuum the floor..

LOL...Aw come on Chris,  You dont use your used oil on your trailer's
to water proof the boards ?  

collect used oil,  dig a ditch,  line ditch with a tarp

fill with used oil,  

cut trees, let dry, roll into ditch.   build a  pole barn

I think the would hang me in California


----------



## frodo

bud16415 said:


> I have firsthand experience with about half of those steps. But I have several equally amusing stories about taking my car in for oil change.





I needed a lil oil in an old harley I had,  I was about drunk,  i took my buck knife, and missed the oil can, stabbed myself tin the hand , to the bone.

DAMMIT !!! still have the scar


----------



## slownsteady

> I think the would hang me in California



i think they would hang you anywhere...if they could catch you!:beer:


----------



## zannej

Took my brother and a friend to Popeyes. Looked at the receipt and had a good laugh.


----------



## frodo

lol lol lol lol


----------



## bud16415

frodo said:


> lol lol lol lol



True but they should have taken 95% of his sign.


----------



## bud16415

Even Ben & Jerry are getting into the act. This new ice cream has all the good stuff on the top 1% and the rest is plain old ice cream.


----------



## frodo

A man walks into a bar one night. He goes up to the bar and asks for a beer.
"Certainly, sir, that'll be 1 cent."

"One penny?!" exclaimed the guy.

The barman replied, "Yes."

So, the guy glances over at the menu, and he asks, "Could I have a nice juicy T-bone steak, with fries, peas, and a salad?" 

"Certainly sir," replies the bartender, "but all that comes to real money."

"How much money?" inquires the guy. 

"Four cents," he replies.

"Four cents?!" exclaims the guy. "Where's the guy who owns this place?" 

The barman replies, "Out with my wife." The guy says,

"What's he doing with your wife?" 

The bartender replies, "Same as what I'm doing to his business."


----------



## frodo

A man is stranded on a desert island, all alone for ten years. One day, he sees a speck in the horizon. He thinks to himself, "It's not a ship." The speck gets a little closer and he thinks, "It's not a boat." The speck gets even closer and he thinks, "It's not a raft." Then, out of the surf comes this gorgeous blonde woman, wearing a wet suit and scuba gear. She comes up to the guy and says, "How long has it been since you've had a cigarette?"

"Ten years!", he says.

She reaches over and unzips a waterproof pocket on her left sleeve and pulls out a pack of fresh cigarettes. 

He takes one, lights it, takes a long drag, and says, "Man, oh man! Is that good!" 

Then she asked, "How long has it been since you've had a drink of whiskey?" 

He replies, "Ten years!" 

She reaches over, unzips her waterproof pocket on her right sleeve, pulls out a flask and gives it to him. 

He takes a long swig and says, "Wow, that's fantastic!" 

Then she starts unzipping a longer zipper that runs down the front of her wet suit and she says to him, "And how long has it been since you've had some real fun?" 

And the man replies, "Wow! Don't tell me that you've got golf clubs in there!"


----------



## slownsteady

zannej said:


> Took my brother and a friend to Popeyes. Looked at the receipt and had a good laugh.



So you skipped right over the blacknaked and went right for the butt craver......**Spicy** indeed!


----------



## nealtw

OK what is a butt craver.


----------



## oldognewtrick

nealtw said:


> OK what is a butt craver.



Do you really want to know the answer...?


----------



## nealtw

oldognewtrick said:


> Do you really want to know the answer...?



Sounds more like a tool a brick layer would use.


----------



## bud16415

[ame]https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=FO566k4nA3g[/ame]


----------



## slownsteady

the carousel gave me the biggest smile. But although it's not really perpetual, the old 5-ball pendulum was a lot more fun to watch.


----------



## nealtw

perpetual, has to return the energy it took to make the machine.


----------



## zannej

I noticed the Blacknaked too, but my bro circled the Butt Craver one.
I believe it was an abbreviation for Butterfly shrimp craver.
Now I need to go back and order the blackened naked chicken strips and the butterfly shrimp craver to get them next to one another on the receipt-- Blacknaked Butt Craver. and then maybe add **spicy** somehow. 
Too bad I can't actually eat anything from there. I'm allergic to at least 5 of their ingredients. LOL.

On a side note, before going to buy the new (used) car, I told my mother I was going to need painkillers. A summary of the conversation follows.
Me: "I'm going to need a lot of Ibuprofen."
Mom: "No! Ibuprofen causes increased chance of heart attack."
Me: "That is from prolonged use and I'm going to need it when I'm driving."
Mom: "I can drive."
Me: "That causes increased chance of heart attack."


----------



## frodo

zannej said:


> I noticed the Blacknaked too, but my bro circled the Butt Craver one.
> I believe it was an abbreviation for Butterfly shrimp craver.
> Now I need to go back and order the blackened naked chicken strips and the butterfly shrimp craver to get them next to one another on the receipt-- Blacknaked Butt Craver. and then maybe add **spicy** somehow.
> Too bad I can't actually eat anything from there. I'm allergic to at least 5 of their ingredients. LOL.
> 
> On a side note, before going to buy the new (used) car, I told my mother I was going to need painkillers. A summary of the conversation follows.
> Me: "I'm going to need a lot of Ibuprofen."
> Mom: "No! Ibuprofen causes increased chance of heart attack."
> Me: "That is from prolonged use and I'm going to need it when I'm driving."
> Mom: "I can drive."
> Me: "That causes increased chance of heart attack."





In the news,  people are suing because of those remarks.  getting big bucks also. 
contact the media, instead of sueing,,,get lifetime freebe chicken


----------



## slownsteady

someone at Popeyes has a wicked sense of humor....and no adult supervision.


----------



## frodo

slownsteady said:


> someone at Popeyes has a wicked sense of humor....and no adult supervision.




someone needs their pee pee spanked for not supervising

Zanne is looking at a million dollar law suit if she push's it.

someone called her a fat ***,  and that aint cool at all


http://abcnews.go.com/blogs/headlines/2013/04/new-jersey-woman-sues-cvs-for-1m-for-racist-receipt/


http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/05/28/tennessee-man-sues-red-lo_n_5403709.html

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/04/18/cvs-receipt-ching-chong-lawsuit-new-jersey_n_3112410.html


----------



## zannej

I want to "like" the last several posts, but my internet is being retarded right now and nothing happens when I click on it. LOL.

I'll save the litigation for insurance company and possibly car dealership. I think I scared the manager when I told him I printed out the law on advertising and how they have to honor the price-- also took screenshots of the webpages.

Apparently, a previous owner of the vehicle must have had some massive speakers in the trunk area because the car has been padded with a ton of noise reduction stuff. Like, up into the walls and possibly ceiling. LOL.

Of course, maybe they were kidnapping people and they added extra padding to muffle the screams.


----------



## slownsteady

Mwa-ha-ha!!!!!


----------



## slownsteady

I found this entertaining.......
[ame]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OemqVWi_R0k&app=desktop[/ame]


----------



## zannej

Duct tape: Turning "no no no" into "mmm mmm mmm."


----------



## zannej




----------



## havasu

I just threw up. ^^


----------



## slownsteady

havasu said:


> I just threw up. ^^



Hopefully, without your head still being in someone's shorts.:hide:


----------



## nealtw

in whose shorts.........


----------



## Chris

Havasu just threw up in Frodo shorts. Got that ball rolling.


----------



## slownsteady

LOL. I'm not going near that last comment.......


----------



## nealtw

I wonder how Chris knew it was frodo and havasu


----------



## havasu

As Ed Mc Mahan would say...."Hey Now!"


----------



## nealtw

here's Johnny.........


----------



## frodo

............


----------



## nealtw

I was in a pet shop in London when I noticed a Muslim girl with the most amazingly colored parrot perched on her shoulder.
"Where did you get that from? " I asked.
"Germany. There's bloody thousands of 'em ! " said the parrot


----------



## havasu

Get on it Mel!

[ame]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WdtUzwspawk[/ame]


----------



## frodo

havasu said:


> Get on it Mel!
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WdtUzwspawk





you miss that stuff dont you ?   

we had a cop chase a guy thru our construction site.
as he went by,  I clothes lined him,  and helped the officer hold him down while he was cuffed.

It WaS fun !!!!  I got to whoop someones butt with out getting in trouble


----------



## havasu

We actually used that video (way back in the day) to train young recruits how NOT to conduct yourselves during a pursuit. 

Here is another great COPS video!

[ame]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PY9qVYsAiNk[/ame]


----------



## slownsteady

havasu said:


> We actually used that video (way back in the day) to train young recruits how NOT to conduct yourselves during a pursuit.



So what in the first video was bad procedure?


----------



## zannej

slownsteady said:


> So what in the first video was bad procedure?


I have to wait to load the videos and hope my internet will be working. It's raining again. Whee.
If I had a lot of rain barrels and a teleporter, I would catch all of this rain and teleport it to the folks in California who need it.

I'm lmao at the image of Frodo clotheslining a guy running from the cops! Awesome!

The other day my cow walked up for snuggles and I saw our shadows. I thought it looked cool. She was next to me but it sort of looks from the shadows like I'm riding her.


----------



## frodo

havasu said:


> We actually used that video (way back in the day) to train young recruits how NOT to conduct yourselves during a pursuit.
> 
> Here is another great COPS video!
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PY9qVYsAiNk





[ame="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8cT_Ulmcrys"]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8cT_Ulmcrys[/ame]


----------



## havasu

slownsteady said:


> So what in the first video was bad procedure?



It was easier to point out the good. He drove wrong way, he cut his lead car off, he ripped the shotgun out at 70 MPH, even though no agency will allow shooting at a moving motorist, He cut off his fellow cop's radio transmissions, he encouraged the driver to drive faster and probably beyond his limits, he cut the corner on a blind intersection, etc, etc.


----------



## slownsteady

I wonder how much the cameraman in the back seat influences these guys, even with just the fact that he is there. He doesn't have to say a word to encourage "bold behavior"


----------



## zannej

LOL! "I got bronchitis! Ain't nobody got time for that!" LOL! I needed a good laugh.

I still remember an episode of cops where a black cop was pulling aside neighborhood teens and ordering them to drop and do pushups-- basically harassing them and being a dick to show off for the cameras. Some lady out on her porch started shouting to the kids that they didn't need to do that and it wasn't legal for him to make them do that and to not listen to him. The kids listened to her. The cop became enraged and started shouting at the woman that she was interfering with police business and she needed to go inside. She told him he was being a bully, it wasn't official police business, it was a free country and she had every right to be on her porch. So he went up on her porch and grabbed her and tried to shove her into her door. She was yelling at him to let her go and then she knew his momma and was going to tell her what a jerk he was being and he immediately let her go. Apparently he grew up in that neighborhood and she knew him when he was a kid. He didn't want his momma to be mad at him. LOL.


----------



## slownsteady

Some cops join the force to uphold the law, some join to be above the law.


----------



## oldognewtrick

slownsteady said:


> Some cops join the force to uphold the law, some join to be above the law.



There's good and bad in every profession. A few bad apples, you know the rest...


----------



## frodo




----------



## zannej

I watched the Larry Wilmore program where they talked about college kids who whined that they needed counseling and were traumatized because someone wrote TRUMP 2016 in chalk in various places on campus. Some said they considered it to be an act of "violence" against them.

WTF?


----------



## frodo

zannej said:


> I watched the Larry Wilmore program where they talked about college kids who whined that they needed counseling and were traumatized because someone wrote TRUMP 2016 in chalk in various places on campus. Some said they considered it to be an act of "violence" against them.
> 
> WTF?



we had a word for them back in the day

begins with a P  and ends with a   y


----------



## zannej

frodo said:


> we had a word for them back in the day
> 
> begins with a P  and ends with a   y


LOL!
They made a good point on Larry's show when they mentioned it was around the time for midterms. They suspect college students were trying to use it as an excuse to not have to take their midterms.


----------



## zannej

....................................


----------



## frodo

Sarah was in the fertilized egg business. She had several hundred young pullets and ten roosters to fertilize the eggs. She kept records and any rooster not performing went into the soup pot and was replaced. This took a lot of time, so she bought some tiny bells and attached them to her roosters. Each bell had a different tone, so she could tell from a distance which rooster was performing. Now, she could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report by just listening to the bells.

Sarah's favorite rooster, old Butch, was a very fine specimen but this morning she noticed old Butch's bell hadn't rung at all! When she went to investigate, she saw the other roosters were busy chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing, but the pullets hearing the roosters coming, would run for cover.

To Sarah's amazement, old Butch had his bell in his beak, so it couldn't ring. He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his job, and walk on to the next one.

Sarah was so proud of old Butch, she entered him in a Show and he became an overnight sensation among the judges.
The result was the judges not only awarded old Butch the "No Bell Peace Prize" they also awarded him the "Pulletsurprise" as well.

Clearly old Butch was a politician in the making. Who else but a politician could figure out how to win two of the most coveted awards on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the unsuspecting populace and screwing them when they weren't paying attention?

_________________


----------



## frodo




----------



## frodo

ITALIAN LEGAL SYSTEM - DIVORCE CASE HEARING!

A man and his wife were getting a divorce at a local court in Italy,
but the custody of their children posed a problem. The mother jumped
to her feet and protested to the judge that since she had brought the
children into this world, she should retain custody of them. 

The manalso wanted custody of his children, so the judge asked for his side
of the story. After a long moment of silence, the man rose from his
chair and replied: "Your Honor, when I put a coin into a vending
machine, and a Coke comes out, does the Coke belong to me or to the
machine?"

Don't laugh. He won!


----------



## frodo

.......................


----------



## zannej




----------



## Mr_David

zannej said:


>


 How can I unlike something I liked by mistake.
Thought it was funny but didn't really like it:help::help::help:


----------



## Mr_David

frodo said:


> .......................


 
Now You got me in trouble.
Came here to ask a question.
I got stuck on this thread for an hour reading the jokes and watching perpetual motion videos.

I made it to this picture. 
Daughter walked in and yelled to my wife" MOM!! David's looking a BOOBIES on the computer" She was just messing with me. But my wife heard her and had to come see.:hide:


----------



## Mr_David

How To Shower Like a Woman: 

Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks. 
Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown.
If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc. 
Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.
Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.
Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean. 
Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced with real passion fruit.
Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red.
Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash. 
Rinse conditioner off hair.
Shave armpits and legs.
Turn off shower.
Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower.
Spray mold spots with Tilex.
Get out of shower and stand on bath mat. 
Dry with towel the size of a small country.
Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.
Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on he ad.
If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas. 



How To Shower Like a Man:

Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.
Walk naked to the bathroom. 
If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the woo-woo' sound.
Look at your manly physique in the mirror.
Admire the size of your wiener and scratch your ***.
Get in the shower Wash your face. Wash your armpits. 
Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off.
Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower.
Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.
Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap.
Wash your hair. Make a Shampoo Mohawk.
Pee.
Rinse off and get out of shower. Avoid bath mat. 
Dry off forearms and butt only. 
Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time.
Admire wiener size in mirror again. Shake it to watch water fly off.
Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on. 
Return to bedroom with towel around waist.
If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her and make the woo-woo' sound again. 
Throw wet towel on bed.
If there is anyone among you who did not laugh at the truth behind this, there is something so very wrong with you. 
Have a great day! And, ' woo woo'!!!


----------



## bud16415

Mr_David said:


> Now You got me in trouble.
> Came here to ask a question.
> I got stuck on this thread for an hour reading the jokes and watching perpetual motion videos.
> 
> I made it to this picture.
> Daughter walked in and yelled to my wife" MOM!! David's looking a BOOBIES on the computer" She was just messing with me. But my wife heard her and had to come see.:hide:



No amount of back peddling is going to help you. Wait till she finds out you spend way too much time on a home improvement web site and not enough time home improving. You will be so busted.


----------



## Mr_David

bud16415 said:


> No amount of back peddling is going to help you. Wait till she finds out you spend way too much time on a home improvement web site and not enough time home improving. You will be so busted.


 
I am way beyond that. I'm a regular poster on PLUMBINGFORUMS.COM
I discovered that a few regulars there are more than regulars here. 
JeepForum was my First and some how I got lured to PF. 
Now here. I'm DOOMED. 

I spent 3 hrs here before I posted the question I came here to post.
I even answered a post in regards to  welders.


----------



## nealtw

Mr_David said:


> I am way beyond that. I'm a regular poster on PLUMBINGFORUMS.COM
> I discovered that a few regulars there are more than regulars here.
> JeepForum was my First and some how I got lured to PF.
> Now here. I'm DOOMED.
> 
> I spent 3 hrs here before I posted the question I came here to post.
> I even answered a post in regards to  welders.



Regulars there are more than regulars here.:hide:


----------



## bud16415

Mr_David said:


> I am way beyond that.



Yep you are terminal.


----------



## havasu

Mr David and I have been long time friends from all the above listed forums. I guarantee that he will be hooked here, just like I was.


----------



## nealtw

havasu said:


> Mr David and I have been long time friends from all the above listed forums. I guarantee that he will be hooked here, just like I was.



Hope you pick friends better than wives.:hide:


----------



## havasu

I quit getting married. I will now just find some good looking women and buy her a house, cutting out all the hate and anger from my life.


----------



## oldognewtrick

nealtw said:


> Hope you pick friends better than wives.:hide:



Ouch!!!!!


----------



## bud16415

I was just at a music festival and a lot of singers and original songs they wrote. One I liked was titled &#8220; I just met my next ex wife.&#8221;  Pretty good song.


----------



## Chris

havasu said:


> Mr David and I have been long time friends from all the above listed forums. I guarantee that he will be hooked here, just like I was.




I have actually met David several times, camped with him and even almost got run over by him in his jeep in big bear in the rock garden on gold mountain. He wears cool hats.


----------



## frodo

I like his respirator....


----------



## frodo

I need some BBQ sauce


----------



## oldognewtrick

Well, guess he ain't calling home anytime soon...


----------



## welcome_to_my_house




----------



## nealtw

Here's another trick of Doctor Dementia to test your skills...


Can you meet this challenge?

We've seen this with the letters out of order, but this is the first time we've seen it with numbers.  Good example of a Brain Study: If you can read this OUT LOUD you have a strong mind.  And better than that: Alzheimer's is a long long, way down the road before it ever gets anywhere near you.

7H15                    M3554G3

53RV35          7O      PR0V3

H0W         0UR      M1ND5      C4N

D0         4M4Z1NG       7H1NG5!

1MPR3551V3            7H1NG5!

1N        7H3       B3G1NN1NG

17        WA5      H4RD      BU7

N0W,       0N    7H15       LIN3

Y0UR         M1ND      1S

R34D1NG 17         4U70M471C4LLY

W17H0U7            3V3N

7H1NK1NG      4B0U7     17,

B3      PROUD!        0NLY

C3R741N          P30PL3     C4N

R3AD           7H15!

PL3453         F0RW4RD     1F

U      C4N      R34D      7H15.


To my 'selected' strange-minded friends: If you can read the following paragraph, forward it on to your friends with 'yes' in the subject line. Only great minds can read this. This is weird, but interesting!

If you can raed this, you have a sgtrane mnid, too.

Can you raed this? Olny 55 people out of 100 can.

I cdnuolt blveiee that I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd what I was rdanieg.  The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in what oerdr the ltteres in a word are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is that the frsit and last ltteer be in the rghit pclae.  The rset can be a taotl mses and you can still raed it whotuit a pboerlm.  This is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the word as a wlohe.  Azanmig huh?  Yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt!  If you can raed this forwrad it.

FORWARD ONLY IF YOU CAN READ IT..


----------



## Mr_David

Holy Cow!! 647M4N. 4N07H3R PU2213 70 SO1V3.


----------



## nealtw

So mispelled words are just brain excersize .


----------



## oldognewtrick

nealtw said:


> So mispelled words are just brain excersize .



So, did you teach that class?   :rofl:


----------



## nealtw

oldognewtrick said:


> So, did you teach that class?   :rofl:



You have to know what your strengths are and clearly spelling wasn't where I waisted any time.:hide:


----------



## oldognewtrick

nealtw said:


> You have to know what your strengths are and clearly spelling wasn't where I waisted any time.:hide:



Well, for what it's worth, you are getting butter.


----------



## frodo




----------



## frodo

RELIGIOUS BRAS 
> > 
> > A man walked into the Women's Department of Macy's in New York City. 
> > 
> > He told the saleslady "I would like a Baptist bra for my wife, size 
36B." 
> > 
> > With a quizzical look the saleslady asked? "What kind of bra?" 
> > 
> > He repeated "A Baptist Bra" - My wife said to tell you that she wanted a 
> > 
> > Baptist Bra, and that you would know what she wanted. 
> > 
> > "Ah, now I remember" said the saleslady. "We don't get as many 
> > 
> > requests for them as we used to. Mostly our customers lately want the 
> > 
> > Catholic bra, or the Salvation Army bra, or the Presbyterian type." 
> > 
> > Confused, and a little flustered, the man asked "So, what are the 
> > 
> > differences?" 
> > 
> > The lady responded. "It is all really quite simple. The Catholic 
> > 
> > type supports the masses. The Salvation Army lifts up the fallen, the 
> > 
> > Presbyterian type keeps them staunch and upright." 
> > 
> > He mused on that information for a minute, and asked "So, what is 
> > 
> > the Baptist type for?" 
> > 
> > "They," she replied, "make mountains out of molehills." 
> > 
> > 
> 
****************************************************************************


----------



## frodo

******* 
> > 
> > Bra Sizes: 
> > 
> > Have you ever wondered why A, B, C, D, DD, E, F,G, and H are the 
> > 
> > letters used to define bra sizes? If you have wondered why, but 
> > 
> > couldn't figure out what the letters stood for, it is about time you 
> > 
> > became informed! 
> > 
> > {A} Almost Boobs. 
> > 
> > (B} Barely there. 
> > 
> > {C} Can't Complain! 
> > 
> > {D} Dang! 
> > 
> > {DD} Double dang! 
> > 
> > {E} Enormous! 
> > 
> > {F} Fake. 
> > 
> > {G} Get a Reduction. 
> > 
> > {H} Help me, I've fallen and I can't get up. 
> >


----------



## zannej

frodo said:


> *******
> > >
> > > bra sizes:
> > >
> > > have you ever wondered why a, b, c, d, dd, e, f,g, and h are the
> > >
> > > letters used to define bra sizes? If you have wondered why, but
> > >
> > > couldn't figure out what the letters stood for, it is about time you
> > >
> > > became informed!
> > >
> > > {a} almost boobs.
> > >
> > > (b} barely there.
> > >
> > > {c} can't complain!
> > >
> > > {d} dang!
> > >
> > > {dd} double dang!
> > >
> > > {e} enormous!
> > >
> > > {f} fake.
> > >
> > > {g} get a reduction.
> > >
> > > {h} help me, i've fallen and i can't get up.
> > >


rotflmao!!!!


----------



## slownsteady

[ame]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C5FsdMky0J8[/ame]

....................


----------



## Fair2partlycloudy

Hey! How do you upload videos?


----------



## nealtw

Copy address and paste in your post.


----------



## Fair2partlycloudy

Can you upload videos from a phone? In attach files?


----------



## nealtw

I can not help with that


----------



## oldognewtrick

Fair2partlycloudy said:


> Can you upload videos from a phone? In attach files?



You should be able to. Capture it and post just like you would a picture.


----------



## bud16415

[ame]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dvu2QPQLlYA[/ame]


----------



## zannej

[ame]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gk3JbTjArUk[/ame]


----------



## frodo

Boudreaux and pierre were good buddies, dem 2 done knowed each other for year
an year...no each odders mommas. they tite
they were playing spades with dar wives at pierre's house.
and Boudreaux he got to feel little drunk, he been drinking frodo stump juice
he drop his card on the floor, bent over to pick it up.
LAWD LAWD...pierre old lady done flashed him a little wink of pink under the table.
he all twitterpated now.
Pierre old lady go to the kitchen to get a refill out of that jug.
boudreau follow her right up in their.
tell her blunt like. i want some what I seen.
she Giggle, the way they do, you know what i means.
she says yes, cost a $100.00 come back around noon.
So boudreaux, he come back around noon.
he did, they did, it was done, yes it was, little loud to.
Latter that night, pierre come home from the oil patch.
he ask first thing, right away. boudreaux been by?
OHHHHH she scared, she thinking the the deal done been told and she 
says, yes, he came ....pierie cut her off.
he said, that's my BOY, that boudreaux...He always do what he say he agonna do.
He borrow $100.00 this morning, said he would drop it off before i get home


----------



## frodo

,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,


----------



## inspectorD

Mornin... and now that all the mutual Hogwash is over...Where are you you Sumbich :rofl:


----------



## nealtw

...................


----------



## frodo

.................


----------



## frodo

It is hillerylarous to me !!!!!!!!!!!!!  


http://thefederalist.com/2016/05/25/federal-ig-hillary-clintons-secret-server-scheme-violated-federal-law/


----------



## frodo

http://i.imgur.com/ioeKLQu.webm


----------



## frodo

I dont want to leave any one out


----------



## frodo

[ame="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hLpE1Pa8vvI"]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hLpE1Pa8vvI[/ame]


----------



## nealtw

TRUMP destroying the economy in Arizona.







Illegal immigrants are boycotting Arizona by the thousands and moving elsewhere -
showing their outrage with Donald Trump's proposed law of sending illegal immigrants
back to Mexico.


In the small town of Guadalupe, AZ, south of Phoenix, Manuel Renaldo is one of those
who is punishing Arizona by leaving.


As he loaded his stolen car with his stolen belongings and family of ten, Renaldo told this
reporter through an interpreter. "It's a matter of principle; I refuse to be supported by a
state that treats me like a criminal!"


The effects of the exodus are being felt by Arizona retailers, who are reporting dwindling
sales of beer, tequila, spray paint, and ammunition. Also hit hard are the state hospitals,
which have reported a dramatic decline in births and emergency room visits.


State welfare agencies are preparing to lay off staffs that distribute food stamps and

unemployment benefits. Tattoo parlors are in an absolute state of panic!


Renaldo told a reporter, through an interpreter, that he and his family are moving to Canada,
with a new Liberal government under Justin Trudeau and new higher taxes, hardworking
people will better support him and his family with dignity!


Kind of brings a tear to your eye, doesn't it?


----------



## havasu

I lol'ed with this one.


----------



## frodo

Hippity Hop Hippity Hop bang Bang

http://vidmax.com/video/140882-Surveillance-Video-Shows-Bank-Robber-Being-Shot-By-Cop


----------



## frodo

beat this  spider solitary  http://screencast.com/t/rRpNAzL0yB


----------



## Underdog

Couldn't find the spider solitaire but this one will waste your time for a bit.
I'm at about question #43 before I'm stumped. It's the one where you have to finish the dog story:

http://theimpossiblequiz2.org/


----------



## frodo

video by ted nugent

[ame="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LnPrxbYARJg&feature=youtu.be"]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LnPrxbYARJg&feature=youtu.be[/ame]


----------



## nealtw

http://www.nbcchicago.com/news/loca...in-Hilarious-Graduation-Speech-383167301.html


----------



## zannej

I finally remembered to load the video. ROTFL!!!!

Meanwhile, in my neck of the woods, someone (probably someone who owns or drives a large truck) objected to the official traffic sign forbidding trucks on my road within 24 hours of rain (the old sign that got vandalized and removed used to say "substantial rain). The entire road was initially unpaved but they did a crap paving job over a couple miles of the road now.






I find it particularly funny that I think whoever made the passive aggressive sign in response probably had to pay to have that made.


----------



## DanBrown

They are all HILARIOUS im sat here with the biggest grin on my face!!!


----------



## zannej

Gotta love how dumb some people are





I saw a picture that I probably can't post here, but it was a color drawing of Hilary Clinton naked with her legs spread and Trump's face was drawn instead of genitals.


----------



## oldognewtrick

I found a new ceiling fan on Craigslist I'm thinking about buying my wife for her birthday.:


----------



## lloydclaycomb




----------



## frodo

I stopped by my local Ford Dealership this morning to look for a new truck. I saw a nice F-350 crew cab loaded with all the options that I liked and asked to take it for a test drive.

The salesperson (a lady wearing a Hillary for President lapel pin) sat in the passenger seat next to me, describing the truck and all its options. She explained that the Electric Seats were connected to the ventilation system and could be set to direct cool air to your butt in the summer & warm air to your butt in the winter.

So I mentioned that this must be a "Trump truck". She looked at me a bit angry, and asked why I thought it was a Trump truck. I told her that if it were a Hillary truck, the seats would just blow smoke up my *** year round.

The two mile walk back to the dealership to pick up my car was worth it.


----------



## frodo

......................


----------



## nealtw

It worked in China, they still don't have any Mexicans.


----------



## renoauction

What dog ?


----------



## bud16415

[ame]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XnPUe80oBZw&feature=player_embedded[/ame]


----------



## nealtw

OK what's your punch line. He is holding a beaver 

View attachment o-MOUNTIE-BEAVER-570.jpg


----------



## havasu

^ Can one of you crazy Americans please explain where this camel toe is located again, eh?"


----------



## oldognewtrick

havasu said:


> ^ Can one of you crazy Americans please explain where this camel toe is located again, eh?"



Jeep forum, silly...


----------



## nealtw

havasu said:


> ^ Can one of you crazy Americans please explain where this camel toe is located again, eh?"



Oh that's down at the coffee shop downtown.:nono:


----------



## frodo

havasu said:


> ^ Can one of you crazy Americans please explain where this camel toe is located again, eh?"



they can be found around 30'' off the floor


----------



## nealtw

Oldog?????????
[ame]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=notKtAgfwDA[/ame]


----------



## oldognewtrick

You caught me, you caught the Tater Salad...

[ame]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AGzTtBl9qh8[/ame]


----------



## frodo

...............................


----------



## nealtw

http://biggeekdad.com/2016/08/magical-rope-trick/


----------



## havasu

I gotta learn how that is done.


----------



## zannej

The cheetah kitten!! It's so cute!!

Last night I went to go into the living room to grab some bread (I have to keep it in their or else the cats sit on it (we need to get a bread box). The door to the living room has glass panes on it (not sure what that style of door is called-- it has 15 panes with 3 panes per row). The door pushes inward so I pushed it open and went to reach around to grab the bread. Now, I could see through the glass so it tricked my mind into thinking I was all the way around the door when I wasn't. The door got hung up on something so it didn't push open as far as I'd thought and I smacked my nose right into the wood part. My mother asked what happened and was trying her hardest not to laugh when I explained what happened. I told her to go ahead. So, that's the kind of klutz that I am. LOL.

Also, saw this on youtube and it made me laugh. Wait for the last line in the clip.
[ame]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sprYygJG4Sk[/ame]


----------



## nealtw

.............


----------



## frodo

Not Sure Who I Am Anymore...


I used to think I was just a regular guy, but I was born white, which now, whether I like it or not, makes me a racist.

I am a fiscal and moral conservative, which by today's standards, makes me a fascist.

I am heterosexual, which according to gay folks, now makes me a homophobe.

I am mostly non-union, which makes me a traitor to the working class and an ally of big business.

I am a Christian, which now labels me as an infidel.

I believe in the 2nd Amendment, which now makes me a member of the vast gun lobby.

I am older than 55 and getting closer to being retired, which makes me useless.

I think and I reason, therefore I doubt much that the main stream media tells me, which must make me a reactionary.

I am proud of my heritage and our inclusive American culture, which makes me a xenophobe.

I value my safety and that of my family and I appreciate the police and the legal system, which makes me a right-wing extremist.

I believe in hard work, fair play, and fair compensation according to each individual's merits, which today makes me an anti-socialist.

I (and most of the folks I know), acquired a fair education without student loan debts (it&#8217;s called working while you learn) and little or no debt at graduation, which makes me some kind of an odd underachiever.

I believe in the defense and protection of the homeland for and by all citizens and I honor those who served in the Armed Forces, which now makes me a right wing militant.

Please help me come to terms with the new me&#8230; because I'm just not sure who I am anymore! 

I would like to thank all my friends for sticking with me through these seemingly abrupt, new found changes in my life and my thinking! I just can't imagine or understand what's happened to me so quickly!
Funny &#8230; it&#8217;s all just taken place over the last 7 or 8 years!

As if all this nonsense wasn&#8217;t enough to deal with, now I&#8217;m not sure which restroom to use!


----------



## KULTULZ

frodo said:


> Not Sure Who I Am Anymore...
> 
> As if all this nonsense wasnt enough to deal with, now Im not sure which restroom to use!



Take a hit off that left-handed cigarette and use the latrine with little worry. They removed the stall doors years ago to stifle unnatural sex acts but it is the norm now... 

:hide: *!!! I'M BLIND !!!*


----------



## frodo

testing
.................


----------



## zannej

Saw this one and chuckled


----------



## nealtw

[ame]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WDkn0lLVz54[/ame]


----------



## Chris

Saw this trick or treating with the kids tonight. 

View attachment 1477975909888.jpg


----------



## Chris

I'm watching a police chase and for the last few minutes all they can talk about is figuring out which class of Mercedes it is being chased. It's an S class, no its a C class. Reporters can be annoying


----------



## oldognewtrick

Chris said:


> I'm watching a police chase and for the last few minutes all they can talk about is figuring out which class of Mercedes it is being chased. It's an S class, no its a C class. Reporters can be annoying



Enjoy it while you can, I don't think there are that many in Tater country.....


----------



## Chris

I'm sure gonna miss this crime.


----------



## nealtw

Chris said:


> I'm sure gonna miss this crime.



http://boisestatepublicradio.org/post/fbi-statistics-show-tiny-town-idaho-s-crime-capital


----------



## Chris

My house is almost an hour away from boise, that and if you look at numbers the city I live in now probably has more crime than the whole state of idaho


----------



## Chris

Let me rephrase that, that article is talking about a tiny town smack dab in the middle of a very left vacation area near sandpoint. Not much like the rest of idaho


----------



## nealtw

Chris said:


> My house is almost an hour away from boise, that and if you look at numbers the city I live in now probably has more crime than the whole state of idaho



I was just teasing.


----------



## Chris

I know, there is crime everywhere. Just to what extent


----------



## nealtw

About 8 years ago I pulled up to a red traffic light and then was hit from behind and pushed into the car in front of me. The driver was new to Canada and I think just a learner driver and was very apologetic, most because I think he liked my car. No big deal his insurance replaced both bumpers .

The other night I pulled up to the same red light and a car pulled up beside me in the left turn lane and the passenger motioned for me to roll down the window. When I did she asked me if I had been hit years ago in this intersection. When I said yes, she said,         "my husband is still very sorry about that and would you like to sell the car".
I thought it was kinda funny as I have had a few scrapes in my life and last thing I want to do is meet those people again.


----------



## oldognewtrick

So... did you sell the car?


----------



## nealtw

No I think I will ride this pony till it dies.


----------



## slownsteady

Mustang? What year?


----------



## nealtw

slownsteady said:


> Mustang? What year?


2000 gt.......


----------



## slownsteady

niiiiiice!


----------



## nealtw

It was before some old fool rode it hard and put it away wet. I washed it in 2014 I think.


----------



## nealtw

[ame]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JE-Nyt4Bmi8[/ame]


----------



## oldognewtrick

All fun and games till a dog gets eaten....,&#128563;


----------



## nealtw

[ame]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FPLDaQOGfUk[/ame]


----------



## jmr106

Looks like the polar bear and the dog are playing the old "play with your food" game. Sometimes polar bears are known to play with their prey as if with a toy for a while, and then eventually they take a bite out of it and kill it.

A lot of our black bears here will do that. They're smaller looking and seem innocent. If you encounter one in the woods or in an open area somewhere, it will appear to "follow" you in a walking pace as if a dog would. You can shout at it to try to scare it, and it will turn its head to the side like a dog would and keep on walking slowly towards you as you continue walking. Really, it is just sizing you up and waiting for the right time to take some food. Of course, the average person's response is to turn and run away if they realize that something is wrong, which is an even worse mistake.


----------



## zannej

Frodo will surely get this one:
One donut to rule them all!


----------



## slownsteady

LOL! Shakira law may not be so bad....


----------



## zannej

LOL. If only she sounded as good as she looks.
I was having a good chuckle reading the replies to the donut thing on FB because so many people didn't realize that the writing was the inscription on the One Ring from the Lord of the Rings.


----------



## havasu

I must be dumb, since I never understood that donut joke. You should never make fun of donuts...the are the staple for my brothers in blue!


----------



## slownsteady

I wonder if whoever made that poster knows the diff between Shakira & sharia. 
I actually didn't realize the rune inscription was for the One Ring. Two things to laugh about


----------



## slownsteady

Neat trick for your buddies in the workshop:

[ame]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5hJVq-W_T6o[/ame]


----------



## nealtw

A King is born this day in Wasington
Hallelujah!
No crown is worn but supporters worship Him,
Halle, hallelujah!
Almighty God, so meek, so mild,
Salvation comes through this holy Child.

Chorus:
A King is born, (He is in the tower now)
A King is born, (humbly come and humbly bow)
A land Lord, (reaching out a tiny hand)
A King is born this day, in Washington

Verse 2:
His palace is huge, His throne is made of brass
Hallelujah! (Halle, hallelujah)
The shepherds bow down to see His holy face,
Halle, hallelujah!
Heaven is singing of peace on earth,
Filled with the wonder of this birth.

(Repeat Chorus)

Bridge:
Come humbly and humbly bow;
He's in the tower now
(Repeat 3 times)

(Repeat Verse 1)
(Repeat Chorus)

Chorus 2:
A King is born,
A King is born,
A land Lord,
A King is born this day in Washington
This day in  Washington
This day in Washington


----------



## zannej

slownsteady said:


> I wonder if whoever made that poster knows the diff between Shakira & sharia.
> I actually didn't realize the rune inscription was for the One Ring. Two things to laugh about


The original post came from the Christians for Michelle Bachman FB page-- which is a satire site. So, the ones who made it most definitely knew it was the one ring inscription and that it is Sharia law, but they are making fun of people who don't know. There were actually some replies from people who don't know it's a satire site that were rather amusing.
Save​


----------



## frodo

This says it all


----------



## slownsteady

But what does it say? Does it say that now that Hillary is defeated, you just can't let go? or does it say that you are having fun with person-bashing? Or what???


----------



## bud16415

slownsteady said:


> But what does it say? Does it say that now that Hillary is defeated, you just can't let go? or does it say that you are having fun with person-bashing? Or what???




It says about the same thing as the 5000 times I saw the George W picture posted where he was making the ape face. I think it is funny insomuch as it shows how quickly people become irrelevant to us in this country. One day you are at Barnes & Nobles the next you are at Ollies. It would have been funnier if they had it next to Al Gores Inconvenient Truth. I saw that in there for 99 cents a while back. 

I do like how the country works in a way. Paula Deen whoever she is messed up and the next week all her high quality cooking line was at Ollies for 10 cents on the dollar. I bought the best knife set I have ever owned for around 12 bucks. 

I dont know about Frodo but I have totally let go.


----------



## havasu

The libtards are still butthurt and recovering in their quiet rooms, full of last place trophys, with their coloring books open and their play dough in their hands trying to recover from this atrocity. Let it go little pumpkins, you will still be ok


----------



## nealtw

havasu said:


> The libtards are still butthurt and recovering in their quiet rooms, full of last place trophys, with their coloring books open and their play dough in their hands trying to recover from this atrocity. Let it go little pumpkins, you will still be ok



Really, have we seen any of this stuff started by a libtard.:down:


----------



## oldognewtrick

slownsteady said:


> But what does it say? Does it say that now that Hillary is defeated, you just can't let go? or does it say that you are having fun with person-bashing? Or what???



Much like some can't admit that Trump won I guess


----------



## slownsteady

havasu said:


> The libtards are still butthurt and recovering in their quiet rooms, full of last place trophys, with their coloring books open and their play dough in their hands trying to recover from this atrocity. Let it go little pumpkins, you will still be ok


Here's the bigger problem in a nutshell. Some of "us" are thinking this is a two-sided competition like sports. It's not sports, and it shouldn't be tribal either. We are a country. We are diverse. And as long as we continue to have the "us versus them" attitude, we will be doomed to fall apart. Just like sunni and shia, or arabs and israelis, or serbs and croats (remember them?) or jets and sharks. 
if you want healing, you should be reaching out your hand instead grinding in your heel.


----------



## oldognewtrick

slownsteady said:


> Here's the bigger problem in a nutshell. Some of "us" are thinking this is a two-sided competition like sports. It's not sports, and it shouldn't be tribal either. We are a country. We are diverse. And as long as we continue to have the "us versus them" attitude, we will be doomed to fall apart. Just like sunni and shia, or arabs and israelis, or serbs and croats (remember them?) or jets and sharks.
> if you want healing, you should be reaching out your hand instead grinding in your heel.



Both sides have been guilty of this...it's not just a one way street. I've said before and I'll say it again, we will never heal as a nation till we put aside hatred, prejudices, pride, greed and quit paying attention to those who flame the fire of division.


----------



## havasu

AMEN brother Tom!


----------



## nealtw

oldognewtrick said:


> Both sides have been guilty of this...it's not just a one way street. I've said before and I'll say it again, we will never heal as a nation till we put aside hatred, prejudices, pride, greed and quit paying attention to those who flame the fire of division.



That's priceless, where was that 2 years ago?


----------



## havasu

Don't ya mean 8 years ago?


----------



## nealtw

havasu said:


> Don't ya mean 8 years ago?



I don't remember that far. wasn't here.


----------



## havasu

Where were you prior to that Neal?


----------



## nealtw

Asleep on the couch.


----------



## havasu

...............


----------



## nealtw

[ame]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2jTAueCy4O0[/ame]
[ame]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pLoel5EKT34[/ame]


----------



## zannej

nealtw said:


> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2jTAueCy4O0
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pLoel5EKT34


ROTFL. Ok, the way the guest lady started laughing really cracked me up.

Anyone here watch Game of Thrones or play video games?
[ame]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X8bjvoHOSFs[/ame]


----------



## nealtw

zannej said:


> ROTFL. Ok, the way the guest lady started laughing really cracked me up.
> 
> Anyone here watch Game of Thrones or play video games?
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X8bjvoHOSFs



MY country is not allowed to watch this video:down:


----------



## zannej

nealtw said:


> MY country is not allowed to watch this video:down:


D'oh! It is just so stupid that they restrict the videos like that.
Btw, my brother said the white supremacist finding out he was 14% African was "magical".
Save​


----------



## slownsteady

I overdosed on Wolfenstein & Doom years ago. Now I just play Spider Solitaire.


----------



## nealtw

[ame]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tcslnzq56Tk[/ame]


----------



## havasu

That was a good one!


----------



## frodo

........................


----------



## oldognewtrick

frodo said:


> ........................



We should be so lucky...:canadaflag:


----------



## zannej

I can't remember if this was posted here before or not. It's funny and good music. 
[ame]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BgAlQuqzl8o[/ame]


----------



## slownsteady

Remember: half the people you know are below average :rofl:
https://safeshare.tv/x/fJuNgBkloFE


----------



## oldognewtrick

That is really sad.


----------



## slownsteady

To be fair; if you interview enough people and edit out all the intelligent ones, and condense all the dumb answers, you can make a video like that.


----------



## zannej

This is how I feel about my neighbors


----------



## nealtw

slownsteady said:


> To be fair; if you interview enough people and edit out all the intelligent ones, and condense all the dumb answers, you can make a video like that.



Jay Leno used to do a live thing on the street. Making that tape would not be hard.


----------



## slownsteady

nealtw said:


> Jay Leno used to do a live thing on the street. Making that tape would not be hard.


Oh, I never said it would be hard.


----------



## zannej

This made me laugh. There is no sound to it-- Cop was writing a guy a ticket and someone's cat decided it loved him.
[ame]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i_zRPWyATZw[/ame]


----------



## havasu

I'm gunna steal this one from you. Thanks!


----------



## zannej

havasu said:


> I'm gunna steal this one from you. Thanks!


I thought you'd like that one. 
I'm impressed at how calm the cop remained. He just kept writing the ticket and let the cat climb. LOL.
There was a related link on youtube about a cop who's cat is a klepto. It steals neighborhood toys, clothes, silverware, and even brought a bag of marijuana home one day. LOL.


----------



## nealtw

[ame]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y5dsqCDtX0o[/ame]


----------



## frodo

...............


----------



## nealtw

[ame]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KU_Jdts5rL0[/ame]


----------



## zannej

nealtw said:


> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KU_Jdts5rL0


LOL! I think what made that so funny was that what he was saying had nothing to do with the situations and the way the characters reacted made it seem like it fit somehow.


----------



## Chris

Saw this at the rv show today. Poop pumper. 

View attachment 1485033227663.jpg


----------



## zannej

Chris said:


> Saw this at the rv show today. Poop pumper.


To be honest, it probably works better than Obamacare has thus far. 

Also, the Trump Vader thing reminded me of the Bad Lip Reading videos of Star Wars
[ame]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1w8Z0UOXVaY[/ame]

[ame]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UkiI2vM2lfA[/ame]

[ame]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Ge4_stUpqs[/ame]


----------



## Chris

Just jokes people 

View attachment 1485319602294.jpg


View attachment 1485319613999.jpg


----------



## nealtw

No I can squeeze harder


----------



## Chris

It's a death grip match


----------



## slownsteady

Notice that both guys are protecting their balls?

Also notice that Trump can't look Obama in the eye?


----------



## nealtw

[ame]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gneBUA39mnI[/ame]


----------



## Chris

slownsteady said:


> Notice that both guys are protecting their balls?
> 
> Also notice that Trump can't look Obama in the eye?



I think the looking in the eye is just when the photo was taken. Maybe he was unsuspecting of the death grip.


----------



## Chris

nealtw said:


> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gneBUA39mnI



I saw that on Facebook earlier, it's a funny one.


----------



## havasu

I have seen that video 4 times now and laughed so hard my stomach hurts now.


----------



## inspectorD

oh goodie...hes gonna build a Bar in Rural CT...im sure it will have a casino attached..:trophy:


----------



## Chris

http://kfiam640.iheart.com/articles...gender-option-on-15509274/?cmd=managed_social


----------



## nealtw

[ame]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b-Ziar9peO0[/ame]


----------



## Chris

Not pulling up for me. What did I miss


----------



## slownsteady

not much............................


----------



## nealtw

Chris said:


> Not pulling up for me. What did I miss



It's filtered so you can't see it.:trophy:


----------



## inspectorD

Hey...they had beer....


----------



## havasu

I just saw that 3rd gender assignment option from this great state of freaks. Jesus Christ, if you got a dick, you put a M on the license. If not, you put an F on the license. Am I losing it?


----------



## Chris

You will the longer you stay here


----------



## nealtw

[ame]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aAnTWK3X7WE[/ame]


----------



## nealtw

I guess we can say happy birthday to the twin and triplets:rofl::rofl:

phongkhamnamkhoa (34), phongkhamkhuongtrung (34), jojoe22232425 (31), jojoe32333435 (31), jojoe42434445 (31)


----------



## frodo

havasu said:


> I just saw that 3rd gender assignment option from this great state of freaks. Jesus Christ, if you got a dick, you put a M on the license. If not, you put an F on the license. Am I losing it?



our walmart, some one took the male female signs off the walmart bathrooms

so someone used a magic marker to write male/ female

that got crossed out   so a 3' penis with nerts  is now painted  on the door:rofl:


----------



## zannej

frodo said:


> our walmart, some one took the male female signs off the walmart bathrooms
> 
> so someone used a magic marker to write male/ female
> 
> that got crossed out   so a 3' penis with nerts  is now painted  on the door:rofl:


LOL!
My brother likes to draw penises at work all the time. He drew the Just Dicks League and put the drawings in his boss's management folder. Another employee wrote a shopping list for the boss- including the movie the Notebook, extra small condoms, milk, etc. The boss got pissed off and asked my brother if he wrote it. My bro said no. The boss asked him again and my bro said "Did it have a dick drawn on it?" and the boss said "No" and my bro said, "See, I told you I didn't write it. If I'd written it, there would be dicks."

Meanwhile, the bathroom door thing made me think of this note from passiveaggressivenotes.com






Save​


----------



## frodo

zannej said:


> LOL!
> My brother likes to draw penises at work all the time. He drew the Just Dicks League and put the drawings in his boss's management folder. Another employee wrote a shopping list for the boss- including the movie the Notebook, extra small condoms, milk, etc. The boss got pissed off and asked my brother if he wrote it. My bro said no. The boss asked him again and my bro said "Did it have a dick drawn on it?" and the boss said "No" and my bro said, "See, I told you I didn't write it. If I'd written it, there would be dicks."
> 
> Meanwhile, the bathroom door thing made me think of this note from passiveaggressivenotes.com
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Save​[/QUOT:thbup::thbup::thbup:


----------



## frodo

nealtw said:


> I guess we can say happy birthday to the twin and triplets:rofl::rofl:
> 
> phongkhamnamkhoa (34), phongkhamkhuongtrung (34), jojoe22232425 (31), jojoe32333435 (31), jojoe42434445 (31)





[ame="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y6uWViQuxRA"]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y6uWViQuxRA[/ame]


----------



## frodo

,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,


----------



## frodo

..................


----------



## nealtw

[ame]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=riH5EsGcmTw[/ame]


----------



## frodo

stuffed with jalaino,onion,peperoni,  burgers, wrapped in bacon, topped with sharp cheddar


----------



## Chris

Those look good.


----------



## zannej

Oh man, now I'm hungry.
Odd question: has anyone here ever tried mixing shredded cheese in to hamburger meat when making patties? Not putting it in the middle-- but just incorporating it in to the mix and then cooking it like a regular burger. Does it work or does it fall apart?


----------



## zannej

Saw this on Facebook.


----------



## bud16415

I wired up my ceiling fan and it is not working correctly. Help

 [ame]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lUZ42b15zmE[/ame]


----------



## nealtw

[ame]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g434EnjOOuU[/ame]


----------



## zannej

Jeez! That video of accidents was nervewracking. The head-on collisions and ones that resulted in fire were pretty scary.

I nearly had 3 or 4 accidents so far this year. Twice when people changed lanes abruptly without a turn signal. Last week when some idiot didn't even slow down at a stop sign and just ran through it and made a right turn on to the freeway in front of me (I had to change lanes to avoid hitting him/her/it). Just today I was on the MacArther loop (where I had right of way) and some douchewaffle went through the yield without stopping right into my lane-- I had to brake and change lanes to avoid hitting them.
Looks like a lot of the ones in that video were in Russia. And all that snow! Wow. If we get an inch of snow here the roads completely shut down. LOL.

Meanwhile, people in local stores suck at making sales signs.


----------



## bud16415

Neal&#8217;s video reminds me of my drive to work this morning. The only thing I didn&#8217;t see was the girl driving the Crossfire.


----------



## havasu

Yep, I watched that entire video and never once saw that girl. That is false advertising!


----------



## zannej

havasu said:


> Yep, I watched that entire video and never once saw that girl. That is false advertising!


It's what we call "clickbait".

I was having lunch with my mother and brother today. For some reason they started debating which one of them cooked liver better. My brother claimed his liver was superior because he cooked it with wine. At which point my mother said "I cook liver with whine. I stand over the pot and say 'waaaaaaaaaaaaaa'". LOL.


----------



## nealtw

I can remember the first time I saw liver, I thought it was the best looking piece of meat I had ever seen. Then I tasted it. It didn't take long for me to say I don't like that. It did not help when someone tried to explain what the liver did in a body. I still won't touch the stuff.


----------



## frodo

laugh your butt off !!  

[ame="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-q1JeWjQlpM"]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-q1JeWjQlpM[/ame]


----------



## zannej

frodo said:


> laugh your butt off !!
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-q1JeWjQlpM


ROTFLMAO! And I bet cops loved this one because they were basically punking thieves. Oh man, I'll have to show this to my friend who had his bike stolen from his yard.


----------



## nealtw

[ame]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tUqeFNLxcmk[/ame]


----------



## zannej

LOL. First dog reminds me of my mom's little chiweenie-- only he got his butt kicked bigtime when he fought with a big dog.

That leopard grabbing the croc though. Wow!

For some reason this made me think of the story of the blind cat named Homer
[ame]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QWwN8JGEJM8[/ame]


----------



## frodo

Go to oreilly auto parts and enter 121G  in the search box.   

http://www.oreillyauto.com/site/c/home.oap


----------



## oldognewtrick

frodo said:


> Go to oreilly auto parts and enter 121G  in the search box.
> 
> http://www.oreillyauto.com/site/c/home.oap



Just what I need to fix the Warp Drive....&#127942;


----------



## havasu

Tom, you are already warped. It won't help you.


----------



## oldognewtrick

havasu said:


> Tom, you are already warped. It won't help you.



Toungue tied, twisted, just an earthbound misfit, I.


----------



## frodo

[ame="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Uc51UVp6wng"]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Uc51UVp6wng[/ame]





oldognewtrick said:


> Toungue tied, twisted, just an earthbound misfit, I.


----------



## nealtw

[ame]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PHmh8xovAS4[/ame]


----------



## zannej

nealtw said:


> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PHmh8xovAS4


Wow! I'm amazed she didn't drop the phone!
With winds like that, I wonder if anyone got a kite or makeshift sail and got on a sled or something. I bet that would be an interesting ride.


----------



## slownsteady

THE FIRST PRESIDENT TRUMP JOKE!!

A huge earthquake with the strength of 8.1 on the Richter scale hit the Middle East.
Two million Muslims died and over a million were injured.
Iraq, Iran and Syria were totally ruined and the governments asked for help to rebuild.
The rest of the world was in shock.
Great Britain sent troops to help keep the peace.
Saudi Arabia sent oil and monetary assistance.
Latin American countries sent clothing.
New Zealand and Australia sent sheep, cattle and food crops.
The Asian countries sent labor to assist in rebuilding the infrastructure.
Canada sent medical teams and supplies.
The new American President, Donald Trump, not to be outdone, sent two million replacement Muslims.
God Bless President Trump!


----------



## havasu

A balding white haired man walked into a jewelry store this past
Friday evening with a beautiful much younger gal at his side. 
He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend.
The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring.
The man said, 'No, I'd like to see something more special.
At that statement the jeweler went to his special stock and brought
another ring over. Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000 the jeweler said.
The lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement.
The old man seeing this said, 'We'll take it.
The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the man stated,
By check. I know you need to make sure my check is good, so I'll write it now
and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds, I'll pick the ring up Monday afternoon.
On Monday morning, the jeweler angrily phoned the old man and said
Sir...There's no money in that account.
I know, said the old man...But let me tell you about my weekend.
Not All Seniors Are Senile...


----------



## bud16415

My dad claimed he had an uncle that did the same thing with Cadillac&#8217;s.


----------



## frodo

my vacuum wont start, please help

[ame="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nhnt1sxde6s"]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nhnt1sxde6s[/ame]


----------



## frodo

oy vey!!!!!!!!!!

big storm tonight, lots of rain, lots of boom boom boom.
i thought the dawg was sceared, so i brought her in, to crash on the couch.
we lost power ofor a couple of hours,
this is what i found when the lights came on.  
My wife and I keep a clean house, This is a freaking war zone
what you see USED to be a couch in my office, it is all over the office, hall, living room
and the cat is pissed, thats where he slept


----------



## zannej

Oh man, Frodo that sucks! Poor kitty. Lovely pets though-- even if they can be destructive and aggravating.

We had a tornado touch down in town last night. I let the dogs in when the lightning and thunder kicked up. Fortunately, I removed the stuff my brother's dog likes to chew on. He did shred the dog beds that were in the doghouses though.

I mentioned the tornado last night-- I didn't know it hit because my power and internet went out. So I drove in to town to see if I could get something to eat and discovered ALL the lights were out. (and there was some jackhole driving around in the dark with no lights on). Made it to Walmart to see that the tornado had hit the parking lot. After the lights came back on (and I'm hoping security cameras were back online), I was sitting in my truck-- lights on and everything when some idiot rolled up in his truck right in front of my headlights, jumped out, tried to pick up a riding cart to put in the back of his truck but failed miserably. Dropped it, and then ran back into his truck and took off. My friends and I were laughing our assets off at his stupidity.


----------



## nealtw

[ame]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UFBAjhxjQ90[/ame]


----------



## nealtw

[ame]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TT6A1WAGVSI[/ame]


----------



## zannej

LOL!
I wish I had video of the time a peacock went medieval on a little kid at the Singapore Zoo. Kid walked up and yerked a tailfeather out. Peacock was not happy. He turned around and launched himself into the air and started bicycle kicking at the kid's face. Spent a few minutes chasing him around trying to bite and pack and kick before the kid hid behind his parents. 

Meanwhile, proving that cats are strange creatures: my cat Rupert decided to zerg in to the living room (he's not allowed in there) when I opened the door. He immediately jumped inside a cardboard box and started digging around. Inside the box was some packing material and another very small cardboard box. He managed to squeeze himself in to the smaller box so he was in a box inside a box. But he decided that just sitting in it wasn't good enough. So, he started digging around and the next time I looked, he had flipped the smaller box upside down and was now wearing it over his head and most of his body with just his legs sticking out. No idea WTF he was thinking, but clearly he felt he needed some hiding place/disguise.


----------



## frodo

where are you from ?

http://frank151.com/each-state-perfectly-described-by-one-photograph/


----------



## frodo

Subject: Lemon Picker


Sally Mullihan of Coral Springs, Florida decided to take one of the jobs that most Americans are not willing to do.

Sally applied for a job in a Florida lemon grove and seemed to be far too qualified for the job.  She had a liberal arts degree from the University of Michigan and had worked as a social worker and a school teacher. 

The foreman frowned and said, "I have to ask you, have you had any actual experience in picking lemons?"

"Well, as a matter of fact, I have," she said: "I've been divorced three times, owned two Chrysler's and I voted twice for Obama."

She starts work in the morning.


----------



## nealtw

[ame]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XEe30-RruVk[/ame]


----------



## slownsteady

Some of those are were bad situations and some of those were just plain idiots.


----------



## nealtw

[ame]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2B_UKuTx24g[/ame]


----------



## bud16415

[ame]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ayT6tHJ7sn4[/ame]


----------



## zannej

Don't forget to remove your socks! It's an important step
[ame]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d1GHedSAJcU[/ame]


----------



## nealtw

Might have to start watching Canadian news more
[ame]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ayVYxJppXg0[/ame]


----------



## nealtw

[ame]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F172ruIntHY[/ame]


----------



## nealtw

[ame]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l-5QeyUdVxc[/ame]
[ame]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZrY4DeQYzq0[/ame]
[ame]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yZRfPgFT7V0[/ame]


----------



## frodo

[ame="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NzspsovNvII"]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NzspsovNvII[/ame]


----------



## frodo

...........

the site is doing it again,  that is a gif on my PC, but the site switched it to a jpg


----------



## slownsteady

*HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A WOMAN:*
Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks.
Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
Get in the shower.
Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone
Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.
Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.
Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner.
Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red.
Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.
Rinse conditioner off hair.
Shave armpits and legs.
Turn off shower.
Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower.
Spray mold spots with Tilex.
Get out of shower.
Dry with towel the size of a small country.
Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.
Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.
If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

*HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A MAN:*
Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.
Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her while making the woo-woo sound.
Look at your manly physique in the mirror. Admire the size of your wiener and scratch your ***.
Get in the shower.
Wash your face.
Wash your armpits.
Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse the snot off.
Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower.
Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.
Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap.
Wash your hair. Make a shampoo Mohawk.
Pee.
Rinse off and get out of shower.
Partially dry off.
Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time.
Admire wiener size in mirror again.
Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on.
Return to bedroom with towel around waist. 
If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her and make the woo-woo sound again.
Throw wet towel on her pillow.


----------



## zannej

frodo said:


> ...........
> 
> the site is doing it again,  that is a gif on my PC, but the site switched it to a jpg



Yeah, the giphy site converts it to a video and causes some problems with the format when it's downloaded. I had to copy the link and post it to Tumblr to get it to work.






(At least I hope that works).

A few weeks ago I took my friends to the mall so my male friend's girlfriend could meet up with one of her friends. The friend's parents were at the mall to drop her off. My friend decided to introduce me as his mother rather than try to explain why a 40-year-old woman was hanging out with people in their 20s. LOL. Also, it was a nod to the nurses at the hospital thinking I was his mother when he had his wreck. Anyway, the other day I was talking to some friends in an online chat and was laughing about the time my friend introduced me as his mother. So my brother comes back with something like "Well, that's awkward, because at night he calls me Daddy". LOL. (My brother and his male friends make jokes about dating each other and all sorts of weird stuff-- female friends do that with each other as well).

On a side note, last night my friend's 5-year-old daughter was visiting her great-grandparents and was super hyper. I was sitting on the couch after having helped move some furniture to my truck. The kid came and jumped on me and discovered that my chest was springy and made her bounce, so she started bouncing herself off of my chest repeatedly over and over while I was laughing. When her great-grandmother realized what she was doing she yelled at her. It didn't hurt so I thought it was hilarious.


----------



## frodo

American Association of Retired People Questions and Answers from Forum

Q: Where can single men over the age of 70 find younger women who are interested in them?

A: Try a bookstore, under Fiction.

Q: What can a man do while his wife is going through menopause?

A: Keep busy. If you're handy with tools, you can finish the basement.

When you're done, you will have a place to live.

Q: Someone has told me that menopause is mentioned in the Bible. Is that true?


Where can it be found?

A: Yes. Matthew 14:92:


"And Mary rode Joseph's *** all the way to Egypt&#8221;

Q: How can you increase the heart rate of your over 70-year-old husband?

A: Tell him you&#8217;re pregnant.

Q: How can you avoid that terrible curse of the elderly wrinkles?

A: Take off your glasses.

Q: Seriously! What can I do for these crow's feet and all those wrinkles on my face?

A: Go braless. It will usually pull them out.

Q: Why should 70 plus-year-old people use valet parking?

A: Valets don't forget where they park your car.

Q: Is it common for 70 plus-year-olds to have problems with short term memory storage?

A: Storing memory is not a problem. Retrieving it is the problem.

Q: As people age, do they sleep more soundly?

A: Yes, but usually in the afternoon.

Q: Where should 70 plus-year-olds look for eye glasses?

A: On their foreheads.

Q: What is the most common remark made by 70 plus-year-olds when they enter antique stores?

A: "Gosh, I remember these!"


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## frodo

....................


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## frodo

.....................


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## frodo

DAMNIT DAMNIT DAMIT.   This site is changing GIF to JPG  
Stop it
Your are messing with my CHI


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## zannej

frodo said:


> DAMNIT DAMNIT DAMIT.   This site is changing GIF to JPG
> Stop it
> Your are messing with my CHI


It seems it doesn't like it when you do them as attachments. You might have to just post them from Tumblr. I have a Tumblr site just for pictures so I can share them with others without having to worry about hotlinking issues.

The AARP thing was great. At least the men can get some relief from the menopause by going somewhere else. LOL. I'm going through it now and it majorly sucks. Wish I could just walk away and leave it behind but noooo. LOL. The short term memory problems were awful (before I got on some medication). I tried to put the butter away in the microwave, the trash in the refrigerator, and started to walk to the bathroom with the milk to put it away. Made it to the hallway and then couldn't remember why I was there with the milk in my hand. And of course my mother decided to mess with me by pretending she asked me to do something and then asking "Don't you remember?" and then laughing when she saw my perplexed expression as I tried to remember if she actually asked me. LOL.

Meanwhile, I wish I had taken video but I didn't want to make them feel any more embarrassed than they already were- but two HD employees were trying to roll up some very lightweight carpet and wrap it in plastic. They kept dropping it, the plastic kept twisting, and they were just having the hardest time. They were apologizing and saying they didn't deal with the carpet often. Then the employee who usually deals with it came back from helping other customers. She had just singlehandedly wrapped up a washer and dryer, loaded them on to the flatbed, then had to help the customers find the right power cord for the dryer and tell them how to install it, and push the cart to the front of the store. She had to cut open the dryer's wrap to look inside for a power cord first, to confirm it didn't come with one, and then she had to re-wrap it. She came back over and started helping with the carpet. She discovered they had the plastic wrap roll backwards and had to tell the other two what to do and it took 3 of them working together to get it done. It reminded me slightly of the 3-stooges. At one point one of the guys said something about "It's like a Chinese fire drill!" LOL!


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## frodo

Hurricane protection


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## frodo

I Love me some Hillary clinton
I always tear up at the thought because, man, Hillary Clinton is awesome. In a recent episode of Jimmy Fallon, he stopped his own comedy routine to gush loving tribute to Hillary, and I'm really glad he did.
I'm most definitely with Her.
Now I say this not because I agree with her agenda - because I don't, not even in the slightest. I don't love her because I regard her to be a person of outstanding character - because, in reality, I consider her to be quite possibly the most transparently morally decrepit person in modern American politics.
I love Hillary because she is a cancer to the Democrat party and the illiberal-left in general. If I were a liberal (i.e. an actual liberal who is capable of articulating real arguments), I would probably hate her with the passion of a thousand suns as she wreaks havoc among the larger Left at the alienation of independent voters and the unification of the larger Right.
Let us not forget that during the 90's, Hillarycare was such a disaster that it destroyed the arguments for socialized medicine for a whole generation. This was one of the most fantastic things to happen for those of us who hate socialism.
Let us not forget that Hillary's shtick is nothing more than a promotion of her womanhood as the singular quality as a human being, all while she is married to a known rapist. Even as I find modern 3rd wave feminism to be a cancerous, harmful and intellectually vacuous ideology, Hillary has done great work in exposing this. Women who identify as feminists seem to be generally on the decline, and Hillary is quite possibly the single most important force for making this happen.
Let us not forget that she violated national security protocols in egregious ways that probably would land most people in jail - depending on how the federal statute is interpreted. But even if we can all agree that her crime doesn't warrant jail time (I stronglydisagree), at the very least any other person would be fired from government service with their security clearance permanently revoked - i.e. they'd be disqualified to ever be in the oval office where they have access to all of our national security secrets.
Let us not forget that there are a series of other scandals like Benghazi and pay-to-play(among others) that would probably (and rightfully) end any Republican's political career.
...All of which is precisely why I love her so damn much.
Of course, the Left's love-affair with Clinton is puzzling, but who cares?
Just between you, me, and the rest of the world...


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## maxdad118

Here's one I found in Placerville, CA&#55357;&#56835;


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## frodo

hurricane hit my state,  i had to be rescued


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## slownsteady

...not sure why the pig is smiling so much.................


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## havasu




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## RedneckGrump




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## zannej

I can't remember if I posted about this here, but my dad wrote about some funny stories in his incomplete memoirs. He had a guy in his boot camp who was a psychology major and was only doing the military thing for some kind of college credit. The guy had a habit of doing things to aggravate the drill sergeants. The drill sergeant would say "What is the spirit of the bayonet?" and they were supposed to aggressively stab the air and chant "Kill kill kill!" but this dude would swing his rifle around gracefully while saying weakly "Wound, Maim, Hurt!" and soon the others followed. 
Drill sergeants would get up in this guy's face and scream at him and he'd say "I think you may have some unresolved issues with your mother. Would you like to talk to me about it?" and they would walk away and not bother him anymore.


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## Eddie_T




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## Eddie_T

Sign seen on a plumbing truck
𝐀 𝐅𝐋𝐔𝐒𝐇 
𝐁𝐄𝐀𝐓𝐒 𝐀 𝐅𝐔𝐋𝐋 𝐇𝐎𝐔𝐒𝐄 
𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐘 𝐓𝐈𝐌𝐄​


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## zannej

I really want to know the story behind this one. LOL.


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## Eddie_T




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## Eddie_T




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## RedneckGrump




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## RedneckGrump




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## RedneckGrump




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## RedneckGrump




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## RedneckGrump




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## zannej

Someone said they overheard a small child singing "He's making a list. Chicken and rice."


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## Eddie_T




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## zannej




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## RedneckGrump




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## RedneckGrump




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## Eddie_T




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## Eddie_T

1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping
pill and a laxative on the same night.

2. Don't worry about what people think, they don't do
it very often.

3. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian
anymore than standing in a garage makes you a car.

4. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural
stupidity.

5. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one
you've never tried before

6. My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a
glance.

7. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that
life is serious.

8. A person who is nice to you but rude to the waiter,
is not a nice person.

9. For every action, there is an equal and opposite
government program.

10. If you look like your passport picture, you
probably need the trip.

11. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed
of checks.

12. A conscience is what hurts when all of your other
parts feel so good.

13. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.

14. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal
with it.

15. No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes.

16. A balanced diet is a muffin in each hand.

17. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and
narrowness of the waist change places.

18. Opportunities always look bigger going than
coming.

19. Junk is something you've kept for years and throw
away three weeks before you need it.

20. There is always one more imbecile than you counted
on.

21. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a
mistake when you make it again.

22. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the
ends.

23. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.

24. Someone who thinks logically provides nice
contrast to the real world.

25. It ain't the jeans that make your butt look fat.

26. If you had to identify in one word, the reason why
the human race has not achieved it's full potential,
that word would be 'meetings.'

27. There is a very fine line between 'hobby' and
'mental illness.'

28. People who want to share their religious views
with you almost never want you to share yours with
them.

29. You should not confuse your career with your life.

30. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up
and dance.

31. Never lick a steak knife.

32. The most destructive force in the universe is
gossip.

33. You will never find anybody who can give you a
clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight
savings time. 

34. You should never say anything to a woman that even
remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless
you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that
moment

35. The one thing that unites all human beings,
regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status
or ethnic background, is that deep down inside we
believe we are good drivers.

36. Your friends love you anyway.


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## RedneckGrump

It all, so very very true... @Eddie_T


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## havasu




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## Eddie_T

That's what they told us when we were building missile bases in the Dakotas!


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## havasu




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## Eddie_T

@havasu That's classic! I'm gunna miss this place when you give me the boot.


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## havasu

I can't afford boots to give out!


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## Eddie_T

Overheard from a senior citizen, "I'm gunna have me a bacon cheeseburger and a chocolate malt before I go in. I'm convinced that the low-fat crap they feed us at the home don't actually make us live longer ·  ·  ·  all those years of not being able to taste our food just makes it seem a heck of a lot longer."


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## Eddie_T

IGNORE YOUR TEETH 
AND
THEY WILL GO AWAY​


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## Eddie_T




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## Eddie_T




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## Eddie_T

More News for Seniors

*To save the economy, the Secretary of Homeland Security will announce next month that the Immigration and Customs Enforcement will start deporting seniors (instead of illegals) to lower Social Security and Medicare costs. A major study concluded that older people are easier to catch, offer less resistance, and, more importantly, will not remember how to get back home.

Be sure to send this notice to your relatives and friends so they'll know what happened to you.

I'll see you on the bus.*


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